vicsdg

Having been a child and a mother I can see both sides of the issue. It is hard for a mother to let go of her child regardless of her age. It is also hard for the child to let go of the need to please a parent. Both need to be done. Sometimes it is an easy transition, but all to often it is a difficult situation. Your experience is, sad to say, all too common. The good news is that BOTH of you have the opportunity to grow and become friends instead of parent and child. I had to "kick dirt in my mom's face" over my daughter's wedding. It was so very hard to do, but she learned to respect me for myself and to appreciate the fact that she raised a really neat daughter. We became good friends until she passed away. I miss her and have some great memories of the times we shared the last 29 years. Stay strong. It is for the good of both of you.

jpthequilter

My decently departed mother in law was like that!
She was a very bitter woman.
She deliberately tried to make life miserable for everybody else. She certainly was miserable. I felt sorry for her.
When my son and her grandson was small, I tried to be kind to her, when I could find an occasion. Otherwise I simply ignored her. I never responded or played her psycho games. According to her husband, my beloved father-in-law, the fact that I responded in a bored polite matter of fact voice, no matter what she said to me, made her furious.
Interestingly, shortly before she died, she apologized to everybody she could, for being so nasty!
She said that she wished she had behaved better. She said that she always knew that she had been nasty to everybody and that it had been deliberate, but never said why she was that way.

fabric whisperer

Good for you, I know that was really hard, but really, very liberating!!!

Maybe now she will realize how she has bullied you. Or maybe that is just the way she is, but you had a right to stand up for yourself. Sometimes people are just nasty. Or treat others badly because they are jealous... (or maybe she just needs some chocolate?)

Do NOT feel guilty about what you said to her... you did it in a diplomatic way, and have nothing to feel guilty about. If she tries to guilt trip you, then she really is a bully.

munchkinmama

I had to do that with my mom once and afterwards we became closer. She no longer walked all over me. Hang in there.

Caroline S

Might be cheating for her but not you. The important thing is you are right. It is your quilt and you should do it the way you want. You just advanced in one of life's lessons. Mom may not adust to this new change to the relationship for a while. She will eventually get over it.

Nolee

I didn't think of this before but years ago when my children were little and I didn't have time to do anything, my Mom came over one day, saw a lot of dust around, and picked up a cloth and started dusting, and as she did, she said, "I know your mother-in-law couldn't do this, but I'm your mother so it's ok." I know she meant well.

I thought, "Well, you can't either without making me feel awful," but I never told her. I think it's just that mothers feel they can be much more verbal with their daughters than is really thoughtful at times. I've taught my four daughters to speak their minds......somewhere in there is a balance, LOL. I've found myself once or twice being too verbal but my girls make sure I know if I have hurt their feelings or overstepped my bounds. I'd much rather it be that way.

Suziuki

As a kid it was always "Have you been to the toilet, have you got a hankie and remember your manners". That saying and a few more have been played back to my mum over the years with a lot of laughs.

I feel there is no cheating in patchwork and quilting, it all started out with making do, so if that is what you want to do to make a quilt it's not cheating.

Sorry your mum tried to have the last word with her under the breath comment as she was leaving, which goes to show you are now the more adult of the two of you, finish your quilt the way you want and be proud of both the quilt and yourself.

wraez

sorry this has created conflict, but I will be the first to say defiantly ... this is NOT cheating!

Good for you ... quilt what YOU like, the way YOU like, when, where, how etc.

Just have FUN

warm quilt hugs, sue in CA

lclang

You are absolutely right, she is NOT the quilt police. She will probably not bring it up again and if she does, ask to see her badge! Quilt on!

madamekelly

Ialways told my daughters that they could say whatever they needed to, as long as they did two things. 1. Preserve their dignity. 2. Preserve my dignity. It only backfired a few times. :oops: