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Thread: What to do with quilt top?

  1. #1
    Senior Member denise d's Avatar
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    I was in the process of making a crib quilt for a friend, however she went into preterm labor at 24 weeks and the baby did not survive.

    I am looking for advice on what to do with the top.

    I am hesitant to give her the quilt because the event is still very fresh and her opportunity to try again may be very limited. I thought about making her a separate quilt (lap size) and using a block from the Shyloh's quilt.

    I am very blessed to never have known this type of heartache, and I don't want to cause her any additional pain

    Any advice or suggestions/experiences would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    I would gift it to a charity group and when she has another child make her a new one. Too painful to receive it now with no one to wrap in it (IMHO). You are a great friend. Thank you for sharing.

  3. #3
    Power Poster PaperPrincess's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for your friend. I like the lap quilt idea with the single block from the first quilt.

  4. #4
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    That's a tough one. I have had friends that have lost little ones that early. Some would have loved a tribute to the lost baby, others didn't want a reminder. Give it a little time and maybe you have some mutual friends that you can confer with about whether it would be too hurtful or not.

  5. #5
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    I'm so sorry to hear about this tragedy. Those who have not gone through the loss of a child cannot even imagine.

    I would suggest that you might ask her, or her husband or other close family member about what their thoughts and feelings are. It might be a comfort to be given the finished quilt in remembrance of their little one. They will never ever forget the child they have lost. It may bring some comfort in their lonely times to have something to hold while grieving. You could maybe embroider the name, if they had chosen one, onto the blanket with any other information.

    It was such a wonderful gift you were preparing for their little one.

    Pam M

  6. #6
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by denise d
    I was in the process of making a crib quilt for a friend, however she went into preterm labor at 24 weeks and the baby did not survive.

    I am looking for advice on what to do with the top.

    I am hesitant to give her the quilt because the event is still very fresh and her opportunity to try again may be very limited. I thought about making her a separate quilt (lap size) and using a block from the Shyloh's quilt.

    I am very blessed to never have known this type of heartache, and I don't want to cause her any additional pain

    Any advice or suggestions/experiences would be appreciated.
    Very sad!! As someone with 1st hand exp. don't give it to her. Just past it to a charity or save for a gift for shower?
    8-)

  7. #7
    Super Member alaskasunshine's Avatar
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    I have been through this. I miscarried and then had a ectopic. I feel like you should tell her what you were making, even show her if she wants to see thw quilt you were making. Let her make your decision. Your love in stitches may be just what she needs to draw comfort & healing. I would have loved to have had a friend like you. Her heart will be so touched by your kindness. She needs to be able to grieve and know that others hurt for her loss.
    Just that you have come here for advice shows how delicate this all is. Avoidance is all to often what happens in sorrowful circumstances and that adds pain on pain. Go give her a hug and share your intentions.

    take care,
    :-D

  8. #8
    Super Member fabric_fancy's Avatar
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    i had the same experience and have never had another pregnancy since and now its much to late for me to ever have a baby.

    i would not have wanted to receive this quilt.

    i actually had purchased many fabrics to make a quilt and bedding and ended up using it all to make receiving blankets for the hospital that i lost my baby in.

    i still make receiving blankets for them and on the day i was supposed to give birth i go to the hospital and bring them 22 receiving blankets (i was 22 weeks pregnant).

    so you might want to consider something like that for this quilt and even bringing up the idea to her.

    i started making receiving blankets within the first month of my loss and found it really helped me with my mourning.


    here are links to some great tute on how to make receiving blankets. its very easy since you don't use any batting and there isn't any quilting.


    http://sewmuchado.blogspot.com/2009/...-tutorial.html


    http://piecenquilt.blogspot.com/2009...-tutorial.html


    http://juicy-bits.typepad.com/juicy_...et-part-1.html

  9. #9
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    I agree, had same experience, I would rather it go to a charity.

  10. #10
    Senior Member denise d's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone for your responses and advice.

    I am sorry for those of you that have experienced this heartache.

    P (my friend) actually saw the quilt about a week before she delivered Shyloh. He lived for about 2 hours before he passed in her arms.

  11. #11
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    It seems like some that have miscarried want absolutely no reminders -

    and others want the loss to be acknowledged -

    As suggested before - if you know your friend well enough - show her (or someone else close to her) what you had in mind and see what the reaction is.

  12. #12
    Super Member alaskasunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by denise d
    Thank you everyone for your responses and advice.

    I am sorry for those of you that have experienced this heartache.

    P (my friend) actually saw the quilt about a week before she delivered Shyloh. He lived for about 2 hours before he passed in her arms.
    In that case I would put little Shyloh's name on it and comfort her with it. You are a wonderful friend for her!

  13. #13
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    If she already saw the quilt and knew it was meant for Angel baby Shyloh I would ask he if she wants to have it or if she want you to donate it.

  14. #14
    Super Member jdiane318's Avatar
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    I like both of your ideas. I would complete the quilt and put a label on it 'In memory of ....' and donate to the hospital this tragedy happened at. The worse thing anyone can do is to tiptoe and ignore what has happened. I have been there myself and know how everyone is sorry but doesn't know what to say.

  15. #15
    Senior Member denise d's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdiane318
    The worse thing anyone can do is to tiptoe and ignore what has happened. I have been there myself and know how everyone is sorry but doesn't know what to say.
    This is exactly what I was hoping to avoid.

    Again thank you everyone for helping.

  16. #16
    Super Member Jan in VA's Avatar
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    Absolutely agree. I was in this situation twice in my childbearing years. After the first loss, where no one "mentioned it to me" lest they cause hurt, I realized that the way to deal with grief is not to bury it out of memory. She likely needs to talk about this, and be heard. Do not pretend it never happened! It takes MUCH longer to recover from grief when it can not be acknowledged.

    Ask her opinion sweetly, lovingly. Suggest another way (lap quilt for her) that you can give to her; mention the idea of the block in a new quilt. She may want the new quilt, but pack it away for a while, That's okay. Just let her know you care!

    Jan in VA


    Quote Originally Posted by alaskasunshine
    I have been through this. I miscarried and then had a ectopic. I feel like you should tell her what you were making, even show her if she wants to see thw quilt you were making. Let her make your decision. Your love in stitches may be just what she needs to draw comfort & healing. I would have loved to have had a friend like you. Her heart will be so touched by your kindness. She needs to be able to grieve and know that others hurt for her loss.
    Just that you have come here for advice shows how delicate this all is. Avoidance is all to often what happens in sorrowful circumstances and that adds pain on pain. Go give her a hug and share your intentions.

    take care,
    :-D

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by fabric_fancy
    i had the same experience and have never had another pregnancy since and now its much to late for me to ever have a baby.

    i would not have wanted to receive this quilt.

    i actually had purchased many fabrics to make a quilt and bedding and ended up using it all to make receiving blankets for the hospital that i lost my baby in.

    i still make receiving blankets for them and on the day i was supposed to give birth i go to the hospital and bring them 22 receiving blankets (i was 22 weeks pregnant).

    so you might want to consider something like that for this quilt and even bringing up the idea to her.

    i started making receiving blankets within the first month of my loss and found it really helped me with my mourning.


    here are links to some great tute on how to make receiving blankets. its very easy since you don't use any batting and there isn't any quilting.


    http://sewmuchado.blogspot.com/2009/...-tutorial.html


    http://piecenquilt.blogspot.com/2009...-tutorial.html


    http://juicy-bits.typepad.com/juicy_...et-part-1.html
    So sorry for your loss and blessings on you for your way of coping with it. I too had an ectopic pregnancy, but was fortunate to later have one child, a son. Think I will follow your example for the one I lost. Thank you for sharing.

  18. #18
    Junior Member Lobster's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone else, give this one to a hospital or similar, though I wouldn't put "in memory of" on the quilt, it's rather a grim burden for the recipient - maybe on a card to accompany the quilt? As for making her a quilt, perhaps wait a while so that she feels that the quilt is about her and not about her loss.

  19. #19
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    Don't be afraid to talk about the loss of the baby it was a real baby to her and it lived a couple hours I worked with a not so fortunate mom and she wanted to talk a lot about her baby. And welcomed all reminders. You know her and just follow her lead.

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