Help! How do you handle someone at classes and meetings
03-05-2015, 12:15 PM
#11
Power Poster
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,276
The thing that struck me in your first post is that she wanted you "to stop" and help her. You need to tell her that as soon as you finish yours, you will help with hers. You don't need to complete the entire project before you help, but you need to complete that step or come to a good spot where YOU can pause. It's one of those things where if you guys have been encouraging this behavior for a while, you will need to be very firm.
03-05-2015, 01:44 PM
#13
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 835
We have someone in our group (we meet weekly) who is 'needy' as described. We also have others in the group that are 'enablers'. I am not one of the enablers so I ignore the requests - the ones in the group who feel best by helping - take care of her and interrupt their projects. Were I to be the instructor I would have guidelines at the beginning of the retreat/class.
03-05-2015, 01:57 PM
#14
Power Poster
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 19,127
How long has she been able to get away with this? If you have a speaker or some one in charge of the classes and/or meetings tell them to instruct everyone to write down their questions and comments for after the session. And if she starts talking before the session is over with tell you'll talk after the meeting because you want to hear what's going on now. if you have to show her the hand (stop sign) and say "later".
03-05-2015, 03:28 PM
#16
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chula Vista CA
Posts: 7,401
It really does fall on the instructor or the "enablers" to deal with the situation. When I was an instructor and a mentor I had to learn there are these people in every class. So when they interrupt, if I am in the middle of a training there is a chance someone else has the same question so answer the question as best I could. If we were is a part that required them to do something, I would walk around and see if anyone needed assistance. In a sewing situation and a person has to un-sew, then I would say I will be back when you have finished taking out what needed to be undone, just raise your hand so I know when you are ready. It took me a while to learn to instruct and not do for someone. If people are doing it for her, then she won't learn. If she asks someone to do it for her then they need to say no - she has to do it in order to learn.
No one needs to be rude, they just need to instruct rather than do for her. Once she finds out no one is going to do it for her, she will either leave or learn to do it herself. If you are not the instructor, then direct her to the instructor for assistance. She may have to wait but again, she will learn or leave.
No one needs to be rude, they just need to instruct rather than do for her. Once she finds out no one is going to do it for her, she will either leave or learn to do it herself. If you are not the instructor, then direct her to the instructor for assistance. She may have to wait but again, she will learn or leave.
03-05-2015, 03:42 PM
#17
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Deep South near Cajun Country, USA
Posts: 5,432
I agree with doing it the loving, gentle way. When you get to the retreat, you might say to her...I am so excited to get some of my projects done or I am so excited to learn from this teacher. I don't know her techniques at all. I am going to be very focused this weekend and learn a lot. That will let her know that you need to learn too and can't be her go-to person. Also, try to sit on the other side of the room from her. It sounds bad, but she then becomes someone else's problem. Some people don't find it as hard to say I can't help you at this time, you'll have to wait.
I think it would help if you know if she really needs the help or is she just the "center of attention" type of person? If she asks a question and you can point to a specific place in the pattern and tell her to go over that, it explains it much better than you can, maybe that would be a first step to breaking the neediness. Maybe she doesn't even realize that she is doing it. If she needs to rip something, just tell her what to do after she gets finished and return to your own work. The bottom line is to get her to be responsible for herself. Everyone needs to back off and let her fix her mistakes and rip out her own stitches. You can do this without being mean. As a southern lady, it is hard for me to be mean to anyone and too easy to be helpful, which actually hurts the person.
I think it would help if you know if she really needs the help or is she just the "center of attention" type of person? If she asks a question and you can point to a specific place in the pattern and tell her to go over that, it explains it much better than you can, maybe that would be a first step to breaking the neediness. Maybe she doesn't even realize that she is doing it. If she needs to rip something, just tell her what to do after she gets finished and return to your own work. The bottom line is to get her to be responsible for herself. Everyone needs to back off and let her fix her mistakes and rip out her own stitches. You can do this without being mean. As a southern lady, it is hard for me to be mean to anyone and too easy to be helpful, which actually hurts the person.
03-05-2015, 03:55 PM
#18
Super Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ballwin, MO
Posts: 4,256
In classes or in meetings, I would personally have no trouble saying, 'I'm sorry, I can't help you right now, I'm trying to listen and keep up myself.' Perhaps someone could have an aside with the retreat instructor, letting her know there is an attendee who tends to bother those around her during classes. The instructor probably has experience with this and has her own method of dealing with it.
03-05-2015, 05:28 PM
#20
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 187
Somehow I messed up in my description. We deal with the person at meetings and classes as best we can. We are going on a four day retreat and she has signed up to go. In meetings and in classes she asks the instructor to come and help. If they can't then she pesters/bugs/etc. the people around her to help her. Sorry for not making myself more clear.
It is not our intention to be rude to her but we really would like to get the point across that she has to take care of herself and not expect others to stop and help her. Which ordinarily turns into doing most of it or helping her remove stitches.
It is not our intention to be rude to her but we really would like to get the point across that she has to take care of herself and not expect others to stop and help her. Which ordinarily turns into doing most of it or helping her remove stitches.
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