To gift or not to gift, that's the question.
03-08-2018, 07:10 PM
#31
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Southwest Idaho
Posts: 6,000
May I chime in with a related question? My cleaning lady has asked several times if I would make a quilt for her son.. I sort of halfheartedly said I would think about it. Problem is I have so many projects of my own waiting and due to my deteriorating vision, I work very slowly and only when I am having a good day. The cost is another factor. She repeatedly says she is willing to pay but I know she hasn’t a clue about the actual cost. Mostly though I really want to work on my own quilts while I can. I should tell you that I’m well up in years and figure my quilting time is limited. What to do?
Last edited by Teen; 03-08-2018 at 07:13 PM.
03-08-2018, 07:14 PM
#32
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Rocky Mountains
Posts: 1,866
My nephew and his wife asked his mom (my sister) if I would make them a king size quilt. I said I would but they would have to pay for the the materials and to have it long armed. After telling her what they could expect in the cost, which I wasn't even going to charge them for my time, I haven't heard a word from them. Your cousin might back away once she hears what it might cost. Of course, if you really don't want to do it, you just have to say so.
03-08-2018, 07:34 PM
#33
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Southwest Idaho
Posts: 6,000
I can't imagine asking someone to give me something, especially something they have to take the time to make. I would just laugh and tell her I'll add her to the list. Or if she insists, tell her that it will cost her. When she asks how much, tell her the price of the materials plus some amount for your labor. (The amount can be outrageous if you really don't want to make the quilt, or it can be reasonable if you don't mind making it.) And that will probably be the end of that. Just because someone asks for something doesn't mean you have to provide it for them.
03-08-2018, 07:43 PM
#34
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Southwest Idaho
Posts: 6,000
Yes, being asked, (being put on the spot), is socially unacceptable.
I'm thinking, although not close, this person doesn't realize this is not a
compliment. I think that is the way she perceives it.
I've got a friend, I met through another friend. She knew my younger brothers,
and we were close for a period of time, by email and such.
I have met her in person. We really do click, BUT, time, health issues, income,
and changes of email addies and FB, have changed things.
She has MS and is bedridden most of the time.
I have multiple health issues and not bedridden, but the quickest way to stall me
in my tracks on any issue, is to put pressure on me.
I can't function.
She wants a quilt, and in my heart, I want to make her a quilt, but my health issues
are many, and my concentration etc. and no money, have made it extremely difficult.
I plan to eventually make her one, but I have never said I would.
In fact, when my neighbor that originally introduced us, told me she wanted one,
I almost had a panic attack, and she understood that I just can't.
Sewing/quilting 'in secret', is the only way I ever get anything done for others.
Be kind to yourself and ask yourself, "What do you really want to do?"
I suspect your answer goes both ways,...just like me.
BUT, the only reason you kind of want to, is bc of the pressure.
If she had never asked you, you would be going your merry way without thinking
about this.
You obviously can't say, "I can't sew for others. It makes me too nervous", like I honestly did.
Panel lappie or "no money", or "I can't", with no explanation seem to be
your choices.
Yes, you'll eventually gift someone and she may find out. Can you live with her being mad?
I'm not suggesting you do this out of guilt, heavens no! I also know
there are ppl
that will torment themselves if somebody is upset with them.
I'd go to Pinterest or Google: type in Easy Quilts. Panels are my go-to.
You could do a ten minute block quilt, a row quilt with different fabrics,...there are lots of
easy ways to not take forever.
You can even do a flimsy with a flannel backing and tie it.
I hope you find your answer and peace of mind.
My sister has MS and I was touched by your story.
Last edited by Teen; 03-08-2018 at 07:45 PM.
03-08-2018, 08:07 PM
#35
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sheffield vlg Ohio
Posts: 2,299
Sounds to me like this cousin would cherish having a quilt made by you. But its all up to you. you would know she'd appreciate it. Maybe would be easier if you tell her to work with you on what she wants. Than give her a list of fabric and supplies you need to make it to buy.Or even go with her to be sure she buys the right supplies
03-09-2018, 03:41 AM
#37
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,726
I would thank her for asking you to make the quilt and let her know you were flattered that she asked you. Then be firm in saying, I will have to decline your kind request, because I am not able to make All my cousins a quilt and would not want to hurt anyone's feelings. I wish there were more than one me.
Then say with a smile....I would love to help you learn to make a simple quilt. If she lives close, she can come to your house. If she is far away, she can take a class in her town or use a tutorial online. If she has zero interest in trying, refer her to someone that makes quilts for a living...etsy or ?
Good luck!
Then say with a smile....I would love to help you learn to make a simple quilt. If she lives close, she can come to your house. If she is far away, she can take a class in her town or use a tutorial online. If she has zero interest in trying, refer her to someone that makes quilts for a living...etsy or ?
Good luck!
03-09-2018, 04:47 AM
#38
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Victorian Sweatshop Forum
Posts: 1,271
Mousie....I recommend you check with a moderator to post a thread in the "donations request" thread for your friend with MS. Perhaps, members of the board could donate a block for your friends quilt and could send them to you for you to assemble etc. Her situation does not sound good and would likely be brightened by this gift. You could share your health challenges and that she has been on your heart so you asked your many friends to contribute to her quilt. If I received such a gift from strangers I would be moved to tears. You could pick a style block & size, maybe color or scrappy. I would make a block for this quilt.
My sister has MS and I was touched by your story.
My sister has MS and I was touched by your story.
Last edited by KenmoreGal2; 03-09-2018 at 04:49 AM.
03-09-2018, 06:20 AM
#39
Power Poster
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 15,236
These posts seem to be getting out of hand. You said your cousin is begging you to make her a quilt. To me that shows she loves & appreciates them, not that she's bullying you. And you said you'd like to make her one but you have lots more cousins. If you want to make her one go for it! Don't even worry about the others.
03-09-2018, 05:45 PM
#40
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,033
These posts seem to be getting out of hand. You said your cousin is begging you to make her a quilt. To me that shows she loves & appreciates them, not that she's bullying you. And you said you'd like to make her one but you have lots more cousins. If you want to make her one go for it! Don't even worry about the others.
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