To gift or not to gift, that's the question.
03-08-2018, 04:54 AM
#21
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
I agree with Aurora. I don't quilt much, except for raggedy quilts, but I sew many other items for home dec and garment sew. Plus I knit and crochet, all the time. Have made oodles of afghans, for birthdays, Christmas, weddings and babies. My heart tells me who I needle or hook things for.
One of my baby afghans came back to me for repair, 18 years later, the 'child' wanted me to fix the hole, so she could take it with her to college. I'm so glad I gifted those parents with that blanket years ago, even though they weren't 'close' friends.
One of my baby afghans came back to me for repair, 18 years later, the 'child' wanted me to fix the hole, so she could take it with her to college. I'm so glad I gifted those parents with that blanket years ago, even though they weren't 'close' friends.
03-08-2018, 06:47 AM
#22
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Augusta, Maine
Posts: 363
where she asked, you could tell her you’d be glad to if she would buy the fabric of her choice, then the others might not be so quick to ask. You at least have something to come back with.
03-08-2018, 07:21 AM
#23
Power Poster
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 26,118
I agree you should require that she pay all costs. You are doing the work for free, but it shouldn't cost you, as this really isn't a gift. It was requested... Once she learns the cost of fabric, batting, and possibly longarming, she may decide she doesn't need a quilt quite so much. Then you would be off the hook.
03-08-2018, 08:18 AM
#24
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 231
May I chime in with a related question? My cleaning lady has asked several times if I would make a quilt for her son.. I sort of halfheartedly said I would think about it. Problem is I have so many projects of my own waiting and due to my deteriorating vision, I work very slowly and only when I am having a good day. The cost is another factor. She repeatedly says she is willing to pay but I know she hasn’t a clue about the actual cost. Mostly though I really want to work on my own quilts while I can. I should tell you that I’m well up in years and figure my quilting time is limited. What to do?
03-08-2018, 08:34 AM
#25
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 748
Guess I'm a bit of a rebel...I don't feel obligated to do something for everyone if I've done it for one. I make quilts for those I want to make them for, period. If you like this cousin and want to do it, go for it. People get their feelings hurt way too easily any more...
03-08-2018, 10:19 AM
#27
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
You make a quilt for the cousin for whom you want to make one. I don't enjoy making quilts that aren't heartfelt and wouldn't want to take on making quilts for everyone. If anyone asks, tell them you will put them on the list and get to it when the right idea, pattern, and fabric comes to you - whenever that may be.
as an outright rejection, and you wouldn't be asking for opinions if you were comfortable
just saying, "No, I don't want to make you a quilt."
None of us really want to say that.
I cringe when I see suggestions of teaching, simply be I have health issues and doing
good to do my own stuff. I can't concentrate with anyone, ANYone, around.
I don't know this person, but I suspect her eagerness is somewhat stirring your
empathetic side. So, put her on a list, a real list, and explain or write down, what it
takes, (in simple terms), hours, etc. so she'll understand why it's taking so long.
OR, if you really want to "just appease her and relieve your mind", use a panel and
some simple blocks for a lap quilt, with the express understanding that she not tell
who made it. If she can't pass the trust muster, let her wait.
03-08-2018, 10:28 AM
#28
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
I have made about 25 quilts and gifted them to my kids, grandkids, and kids that feel like my own but are not. I love making them and giving them away. But I have not gifted any of them to a cousin. One of my cousins has been begging me to make her a quilt, which I would be happy to do If she were the only cousin I had. The problem is I have lots of cousins, many of which I am much closer to than this one.
My question to all of you is. Do I make her a quilt and hope that the others don't get their feelings hurt, or do I set out on a quest to make them all a quilt (not a real good choice), or do I tell her straight out that I can't make her one without making the others one (which will probably hurt her feelings)? What would you do in this situation?
My question to all of you is. Do I make her a quilt and hope that the others don't get their feelings hurt, or do I set out on a quest to make them all a quilt (not a real good choice), or do I tell her straight out that I can't make her one without making the others one (which will probably hurt her feelings)? What would you do in this situation?
I am a worry wart of sorts.
Whenever I am working on one project, for an individual, all I can think about is,
what are the others gonna think?
Then one day I was tired of all this, bc it was keeping me from getting on with
projects, (procrastinating and not making anybody, anything), so I told one of
them's mom, "I'm working on something for so and so. If x comments, tell her
that these things take time and Nana can only work for so long without getting
tired. She'll get around to yours eventually.
There is nothing wrong with letting this cousin know that these quilts are not
just "whipped up". Personally, I'm back to my panel suggestion. Your other
cousins should not be hurt. Make a list of "possibles". Let's face it, we're not
going to be able to make everybody we know a quilt and ourselves too.
Not gonna happen.
03-08-2018, 10:49 AM
#29
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
I can't imagine asking someone to give me something, especially something they have to take the time to make. I would just laugh and tell her I'll add her to the list. Or if she insists, tell her that it will cost her. When she asks how much, tell her the price of the materials plus some amount for your labor. (The amount can be outrageous if you really don't want to make the, quilt, or it can be reasonable if you don't mind making it.) And that will probably be the end of that. Just because someone asks for something doesn't mean you have to provide it for them.
Yes, being asked, (being put on the spot), is socially unacceptable.
I'm thinking, although not close, this person doesn't realize this is not a
compliment. I think that is the way she perceives it.
I've got a friend, I met through another friend. She knew my younger brothers,
and we were close for a period of time, by email and such.
I have met her in person. We really do click, BUT, time, health issues, income,
and changes of email addies and FB, have changed things.
She has MS and is bedridden most of the time.
I have multiple health issues and not bedridden, but the quickest way to stall me
in my tracks on any issue, is to put pressure on me.
I can't function.
She wants a quilt, and in my heart, I want to make her a quilt, but my health issues
are many, and my concentration etc. and no money, have made it extremely difficult.
I plan to eventually make her one, but I have never said I would.
In fact, when my neighbor that originally introduced us, told me she wanted one,
I almost had a panic attack, and she understood that I just can't.
Sewing/quilting 'in secret', is the only way I ever get anything done for others.
Be kind to yourself and ask yourself, "What do you really want to do?"
I suspect your answer goes both ways,...just like me.
BUT, the only reason you kind of want to, is bc of the pressure.
If she had never asked you, you would be going your merry way without thinking
about this.
You obviously can't say, "I can't sew for others. It makes me too nervous", like I honestly did.
Panel lappie or "no money", or "I can't", with no explanation seem to be
your choices.
Yes, you'll eventually gift someone and she may find out. Can you live with her being mad?
I'm not suggesting you do this out of guilt, heavens no! I also know
there are ppl
that will torment themselves if somebody is upset with them.
I'd go to Pinterest or Google: type in Easy Quilts. Panels are my go-to.
You could do a ten minute block quilt, a row quilt with different fabrics,...there are lots of
easy ways to not take forever.
You can even do a flimsy with a flannel backing and tie it.
I hope you find your answer and peace of mind.
Last edited by Mousie; 03-08-2018 at 10:51 AM.
03-08-2018, 01:24 PM
#30
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Pueblo, Co
Posts: 663
Make her the quilt! Ask what her favorite color is and go from there. Don't worry about the other cousins. Do this from the goodness of your heart, as your very first sentences indicates. I have made 3 quilts for my sisters, the other two don't want one. I worried about their feelings, but they were very outspoken out not wanting a quilt.
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