Cybrarian

I know this is difficult and uncomfortable, but dealing with it ahead of time is much better than trying to handle it diplomatically in front of the class-the person being dealt with usually gets "huffy" or becomes a human steamroller to get their way no matter what. It's important to contact this woman and settle things before the class. On her side she wants her friend to become a quilting friend-maybe just because they're friends or she knows her friend needs a creative activity to deal with grief, depression-whatever, she's convinced her friend to take the class because she'll be with her, and will feel she can't back down from that. So, if she balks at leaving and returning at the end of class I'd like to offer an alternative conversation. Because this has happened with poor results in the past, use those incidents in general terms and bring her around to how the situation needs to proceed: "Mary, because we're friends, and you're an experienced quilter, I know I can be honest with you and you'll understand". Then relate the pitfalls of past experiences: the non paying guest, in trying to help their friend/relative, ends up instructing over you, or offering alternative methods, which is confusing to newbies & also makes the others in the class uncomfortable. Because of complaints from those "others" (always good to have a nameless, faceless group that has brought about policy changes) you've had to alter your approach to these "situations" (you are not singling her & her friend out). After consulting other instructors you have adopted a reduced class fee for the more experienced quilter who wants to get a friend started, but they must participate and make the project as you are teaching it. This way they can "wordlessly" (stress that word) help their friend by example, and if they want to share things that they think might make it easier for their friend, this can be done one on one at another time, giving them additional opportunity to quilt together. Wind it up with your appreciation of her skill & talent (if this is true, or some type of positive comments) and the fact that she wants her friend to experience the joy of developing a creative skill. Also, you know you don't have to worry about her being a distraction in the class (hint,hint) and you appreciate her understanding the class policies you are having to adopt. Wow, sorry this is so long!

Dina

Cybrarian, this sounds like it could work. Lots of good ideas.

Dina

patricej

i have read the several times ... must be missing something.

i can't find any direct evidence that the woman in question expects to take the class for free; that she plans to be disruptive or to undermine your methods and authority as instructor in any way.

it is unfair to credit thoughts to her mind or put words in her mouth because of what others have done. they are them. she is her.

it's time to get it settled once and for all.
we can't help you do that.

call her.
thank her for the compliment of encouraging her friend to attend your class.
give her credit for being such a good friend she's willing to pay for and sit through a class for beginners just to show her support.
[if you can afford it] tell her you would like to show your appreciation by offering a reasonable discount on the class fee.

if she balks at paying, then she is not a reasonable person.
if she is not a reasonable person ...
then you needn't care if she's offended.

AudreyB

Thank you all for some good advice. I will incorporate a combination of your replies when I talk with her.

For clarification, I do not have a shop and do not sell anything. I am a longtime quilter and I enjoy helping others learn quilting and the joy of it. I am retired and it's more of a hobby than a business. I spend a lot of time preparing for the classes and I like helping, but I don't like feeling used or taken advantage of.

The lady in question has been quilting for many years and is a professional longarm quilter. Maybe I misunderstood her and she is planning on taking the class (and paying for it), but the way she said it she sure sounded like she was coming "with" her friend and not as a class member. It was not only what she said but how she said it.

Anyway, I am going to talk to her, as I knew I would. I appreciate all your suggestions.

Jackie Spencer

I agree with the above statement!

Jan in VA

"Perhaps you and she could arrange to meet at your house after each class for clarification, if she thinks she needs it and doesn't get enough help from me for some reason. But, I'm sorry, I don't ever accept non-paying attendees in my classes."

Jan in VA

liking quilting

It's hard to think of the right thing to say when you're taken off guard. None of us want to offend anyone, but remember we can only be taken advantage of by others if we allow it. Nothing wrong with learning from the past and start a 'paid for the class' only policy of those in attendance. Good luck and keep you chin up!

cjaneky

I still remember my first class, the instructor had an assistant, who was a big help, however, there was one lady that had been quilting a few years and she was a constant disruption, asking questions that none of us had any idea what she was talking about. I did notice the 3rd or 4th class she was no longer attending. After that I started looking forward to my next class and learning. I still have no idea why she stopped coming, tend to think the instructor ended up having a ''talk'' with her...have not seen this lady since but the class went on with months of enjoyable moments, making new friends.. and learning new and different ideas...

ManiacQuilter2

Along with PatriceJ comment, this may also be the best way to do it. I never had this problem before and when I have taken a few classes, usually I didn't know anybody in the class either.

Aurora

How do I tell her, without offending her, that I don't want non-students in class. I don't want to lose her as a friend/student, and she didn't take the hint when I suggested her friend would be okay.

Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened. It is the third, and it's been three different people. I don't understand the presumption of people, but mostly I don't know how to handle it.

*******

Friend? She is no friend. She has offended you multiple times by attending without paying. The only occasion when someone other than a student should attend a class is if the student needs an interpreter. It appears you set a precedent by allowing her to attend the three previous times. This will probably continue unless you take a stand. It is not fair to your other paying students.