Shadow Dancer

You have nothing to feel bad about, it's not your problem. It's your sister's problem and she has to choose to do something about it. I know it's hard to step back, but for your own peace of mind that is what you have to do.

I attended Al-ateen and it was the best thing I ever did. It gave me insight into what was going on in our home and a support network of other teens who were going through or had been through it.

trupeach1

She doesn't need AA she needs AL-NON. The difference is AA is if you drink AL-NON is for someone who drinks that is effecting your life. I went to AL-NON years ago because both my in laws were drunk by 4pm everyday. Needless to say it effected MY families life.

Charlee

I'll reinforce what some of the others have said. It's NOT your problem! You may be affected by HER problem, but in reality, you are right to step back and refuse to enable her to keep drinking...or to support her emotionally while she's drinking. (also enabling)

She knows how to get help when she's ready for it.

You don't have to ignore her completely...but refuse to talk about any alcohol related problems unless she's asking you to help her dry out...it could be that she's going to need to go somewhere for detox...if her hubby is willing, is it possible to get the family together for an intervention?

raptureready

Naturalmamma, please go to Al-Anon. It really helps people that have to deal with alcoholics, it helps you understand their problem, what to do and even more important what NOT to do, how not to be an enabler, and most of all how to live your own life. My first husband was what's called a "functioning" alcoholic--one that holds a decent job and goes to work all the time. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that he was a functioning husband! When I finally realized that it wasn't my fault and that there was nothing I could do to "fix" him, I divorced him. One of us had to be saved from his alcoholism and if he wasn't willing then it was going to be me. It wasn't until after we divorced that I realized just how much money, energy, time, and mental capacity that he was draining from me. It wasn't easy, I think that's why it's called "tough love." We remained friends, I measured the windows in his new home and made curtains, we still would occasionally go to auctions together, we still visited right up until he died, but I put my foot down when it came to his drinking. I no longer allowed him around me if he'd had even one beer. Al-Anon helps you to set boundaries and be firm about them.

Naturalmama

Right now I don't think there is a topic she can talk about that isn't related to her drinking - and detox? How many times can you do that? She's been hospitalized and sent to rehab so many times her insurance won't cover it anymore.

I am looking into al-anon right now. Thank you all for your encouragement.

Naturalmama

You know.... I started another thread on layer cakes..... I just want to read those replies. I just want to think about sewing and fun things. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I wish I could just hit "delete" and blot out this whole thread along with this whole section of my life. I hope you understand what I mean - I am very grateful for your response and support. What I wish is that I didn't even have to have the NEED to ask questions like this.

But everyone has something they have to deal with. And it sounds like many of you had to deal with similar situations. *hugs* to all of you.

BellaBoo

Sad but unless your sister is ready to change not much you can do unless you want to stay around and be hurt watching her waste her life. It's her life to waste if she is bent on doing it and picking up the pieces time after time is not a live I'd want to live.

raptureready

Hang in there. As near as I can tell there's no problem that quilting brothers and sisters can't offer their opinions and support on. Sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't alone and that there's others that have been through similar situations.

MadQuilter

What you need to remember is that YOU cannot change another person. Unless it is a small child or a person with disability, YOU cannot even take responsibility for another person. You can offer to help, offer assistance, show the way and offer support, but in the end, the person has to WANT to change and be willing and able to take that path to fixing what ails them.

It is sad when someone you love or care about falls deeper and deeper into the abyss and you look at their situation and think "it would be so easy if only...." Unfortunately, the pull of the alcohol or drugs is very strong and an addict will often select the vice over family and health.

I am sorry that you are losing your sister and that she cannot be there. It is sad but she is the only one who can help herself. Even if the family were to do an intervention, she would have to decide that she needs help and from the sound of it, she has not hit that proverbial bottom low.

One of the fellows at work is in AA and he gave me a little insight into the world of a true addict/alcoholic. He decided that he needed to seek help because he didn't want to die. Scary thought! Unfortunately, the success rate of people staying the course is not very high.

It is hard to walk away from a family member - but that is what you may need to do to keep yourself sane. I hope your sister finds her way and you find happiness in the sewing room.

amma

Maybe not push her to call AA, but encourage her to go to another meeting, to get the help she needs :wink: encourage her to keep trying the meetings until she finds the "right" help and the "right" sponsor for her...