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Thread: Dreaming of owning a home....

  1. #1
    Member rebeccai's Avatar
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    I've been doing a lot of thinking and wishing lately. My husband and I have lived in an apartment for almost 10 years!! That is a lot of money down the drain. I remember when we first got married he was excited about saving money to purchase our first home. But I feel he has gotten too comfortable with us living here because he no longer talks about us looking into purchasing a house. We are both in our early 30's with no children. Unfortunately, after trying for almost 3-1/2 years I miscarried our first child last Nov. :cry: We have a wonderful marriage, great careers, good credit, and live about 1-1/2 from our hometown. However, every time I mention that we should look into purchasing a house, he gets frustrated with me and tells me he is too busy with work right now, and/or he tells me that we first need to stop eating out so much. I really don't understand what is the harm into finding information and taking the steps into buying a home. I understand it is a big commitment but one that we need to undertake. So my question to all of my QB friends is, how do I approach this situation without sounding like a nagging wife? All I want is a place that we can call our own and to be able to raise a family in. Is this so wrong?

    I even took it a step further yesterday. I saw on the news that there is a new community in our city where they are building affordable houses starting at 130 thousand. I found the courage to walk into their office yesterday and find out information. I was given a packet with different floor plans and I was told that these houses are going quick. The first phase of houses have all been sold and starting in Nov, they will start phase 2 of building more houses in this area. I was told that we can be placed on a NO OBLIGATION waiting list. This would give us time to get pre-approved. I was told if we are pre-approved by Nov. then we would be able to start the process of getting our house built. With a closing and move in date of April or May of next year. But I haven't showed the packet to my husband. I feel guilty of getting this information yesterday without his consent. Even if this amount is too pricey I just want him to understand that I will be happy with whatever we can afford just as long as it is a place the we can call our own.

  2. #2
    Super Member Mamagus's Avatar
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    If you have to get "his consent" to look at a brochure, you are not in a very healthy relationship.
    Do you work? Are you both saving? Seems to this old woman, that you have to do more than have a dream and if he isn't interested in your dreams then you have a huge problem.

  3. #3
    Super Member Ripped on Scotch's Avatar
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    My husband was convinced that we couldn't look at houses. At least until we sat down with the bank and they told us the cost and we did the math. Perhaps that is what your husband is worried about to. There is a cost difference but not always a big one. Maybe you can ask him to go to the bank and just discuss it as an option with them to see what you are approved for and then he may get more excited for it when he realizes that it is possible.

  4. #4
    Super Member DebraK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ripped on Scotch
    My husband was convinced that we couldn't look at houses. At least until we sat down with the bank and they told us the cost and we did the math. Perhaps that is what your husband is worried about to. There is a cost difference but not always a big one. Maybe you can ask him to go to the bank and just discuss it as an option with them to see what you are approved for and then he may get more excited for it when he realizes that it is possible.
    yes, go ahead and get pre approved. That's half the battle and you'll be ready when something comes up.

  5. #5
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    I agree with Mamagus
    Quote Originally Posted by Mamagus
    If you have to get "his consent" to look at a brochure, you are not in a very healthy relationship.
    Do you work? Are you both saving? Seems to this old woman, that you have to do more than have a dream and if he isn't interested in your dreams then you have a huge problem.

  6. #6
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like he's terrified. You need to find out what he's scared of. Is he scared because so many people nowadays are losing their homes? Does he think you can't afford a house payment? Does he not want to deal with the maintenance and upkeep a house requires?

    You really need to figure out how much your house payment should be, and shop from that point. DO NOT rely upon the numbers the bank gives you. Your house payment should be 1/4 your take-home pay. If you end up having children, you will probably want to figure this on your husband's income alone, at least for the first couple of years of the child's life, which means either a low payment or a nice fat savings account. There are lots of mortgage calculators on the internet - google them and find one that will help you find what you can afford. This first step might help your husband.

    Good luck.

  7. #7
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    For sure you should persue owning your own home. It is a little scary at first but as you said, for ten years you have just lost all that money. I think your husband is feeling a bit overwhelmed making that big committment. It is a huge step but once you accept it and think of it as being your own that should help his concerns.

    I say, go for it now while you are still young!!!!

    sandy14

  8. #8
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    just remember, Suze Orman now says that owning your own home is the biggest financial mistake you can make in this economy!
    Of course I say start small...owning land is more important than having a HUGE mortgage..and having even a NEW home can come with tons of issues! Like cheap Chinese drywall, bad chemicals on the carpet, etc...he might be concerned about these things...

  9. #9
    MTS
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    Quote Originally Posted by rebeccai
    That is a lot of money down the drain. I remember when we first got married he was excited about saving money to purchase our first home. But I feel he has gotten too comfortable with us living here because he no longer talks about us looking into purchasing a house.
    Did you have a roof over your head for the last decade?
    Read the papers recently about the value of homes?
    Had you bought 10 years ago, your house would be worth about the same (or not much more) today.
    Plus you would have had all the costs of ownership (insurance, maintenance,etc).

    And if you've been saving all along for the "dream" house, you're way ahead of those in your situation who did buy 5 years ago. WAY ahead. You should be sitting on a very nice nest egg.

    Prices aren't going up, and it's possible there could be another dip.
    The good thing is, hopefully, the bank won't just be handing out a mortgage is you're not qualified. No more BS, no doc paperwork.

    And as for the borker speak - "buy now or be priced out forever" :roll: - they were saying the same thing in 2004 and 2005 and 2006 and 2007 - and look where those buyers are now.
    In foreclosure. Or underwater.

    I'm not at all knocking the home ownership aspect.
    I understand the emotional implications and attachment.
    But you need to take a starter course in basic home ownership finance before getting any closer to this transaction.

  10. #10
    Senior Member lindy-2's Avatar
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    i would try to sit down and talk about buying a home and them if he agreas to it go talk to the bank. harmony in the home is much more important than owning your oun home.

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