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Thread: I have a problem I need your "wise counselling" y'all.

  1. #1
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    I went to visit my bro.& sis in law this past week. Being I am a newbee here and really learning a lot, I always tell her what I have been doing and have done, even showed her some of my work,

    well this time, I wanted to go to mill outlet(Clinton,NC) to just look at fabric}. And also walmart. She went off on me, stating the fact that I was crazy in trying to get more fabric, which she knows I have a stash here at home. she said, use what you have then get more later. (I did find a hotwheels material, at walmart, going to make a lap quilt for a boy).

    but what she said kinda bothered me.
    Yeah she knows I don't have much money coming in too, and she pounced on that too. Spending on fabric I don't need, she just kept on and on.

    So for the question, how do I handle people like this, more negative stuff thrown at me? I really have watched what I do spend. Spent $4.44 for that yard of fabric(hot wheels).

    But if I am to be a quilter. what can I do to reply to the negatives of others like this?? I do have some old clothes to tear up, but I still would like to get more fabric, and so on.

    Sort of on a downer about this too. maybe I need an uplift this time.
    Thanks for listening. and giving me an answer
    Mary

  2. #2
    Super Member purplemem's Avatar
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    Mary,
    unless she is paying your bills, she has no business discussing your financial decisions.

    I tell my friends, family, etc. that quilting is my sanity and fabric collecting is my therapy. I paid $150 per hr to see a shrink, I don't spend that much on fabric, ever.

    As to my stash, I tell them, "it will get used eventually".

    Do what is right for you, not others.

  3. #3
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    Some ppl don't understand the obessesion (sp?). Sometimes we quilters can be like a drug addict looking for a fix. The only difference is that we want to share what we have. I know she hurt your feelings but you are gonna have to learn to brush comments like that off your shoulders, I do it all the time. Next time you visit them don't talk about quilting or fabric.

  4. #4
    bj
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    Super Member bj's Avatar
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    Unless they help in supporting you, it's not really any of their business. And I don't know your relationship with her. I have one sil I'd probably tell to button it up, because we are very close and she would know I mean it, but not be offended. I have another one who wouldn't ever understand it's none of her business and wouldn't hush anyway. Her I ignore. And one of them I see so seldom, I'd give her the "are you kidding me" look and not say anything. I'm pretty sure 4 bucks isn't going to break the bank. Dealing with some family is just a pain in the posterior and they have to be tolerated, but not necessarily listened to. :D :D

  5. #5
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    Well there you go, so I just tell her myob! Mind your own business, if someone isn't savy with abbreviations.
    the deal is they took care of me when I had my accident 5 years ago and they think they need to tell me or suggest to me what to do. and it just seems like they want to "dominate" me because of that, thanks for the advice, I really needed that,
    in one ear and out the other?? and yes I do want to share what I do, so to learn to brush off the comments of others, sounds good to me! again thanks ladies

    and I should have remembered this "don't let the dictates of others rule you" ok keep it coming! I see the light!!

  6. #6
    Super Member isnthatodd's Avatar
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    [quote=purplemem]Mary,
    unless she is paying your bills, she has no business discussing your financial decisions.

    I agree, 100%. You can always say something like "I don't question your (insert here whatever they buy lots of), so please don't question me.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Japonica's Avatar
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    Well, once again jealousy has reared its ugly head. Ignore it. I am assuming she is not putting food on your table or a roof over your head. I have learned at my ripe old age of 58 that people who make nasty remarks or even worse no comment on something that you make them (our DIL) are just simply jealous of your kindnesses and talents!

    I wouldn't share what I bought with her no matter how much I was ready to burst with excitement!

    I just told my DH this morning as he went off to work how much I love this board. No judgments and such positive energy that I need to feed myself on everyday.

    Forget her and enjoy building your stash! :)

  8. #8
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    thanks isnthatodd!

  9. #9
    Super Member feline fanatic's Avatar
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    I agree with the other posters in that unless she and your bro help you with finances it really is none of her *expletive* business. Maybe it was her way of saying she didn't want to go fabric shopping. If you felt the need to further explain you could tell her that you can't get fabric as inexpensively at home and wanted to take advantage of getting some deep discounts at the outlet if something struck your fancy. You could go on to tell her you are a grown up and perfectly capable of assessing your own budget.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Jo Belmont's Avatar
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    I think I'd say, "Gee, I'm sorry you feel that way. I guess I'll have to use that fabric for the gift I was gonna make you in something else. I wouldn't want to insult you. I didn't know it upset you so."

    On the other hand, if you have borrowed money from them, pay it back before you buy anything else and say nothing more. We are always beholden to those from whom we borrow.

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