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Thread: I just don't understand my sister

  1. #11
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninnie
    We are going through the same thing, settling MIL estate, DH is exc and he has only 1 sister, never made anything of herself, only came to see her mother when she wanted something, now is pressuring Dh all the time. Not a big estate, but a lot of valuable land. We just want to get all Mil's bills paid and settle with the hospital and do things right and she is worrying us all the time, calling our lawyer, and our bank and just doing things that normal people wouldn't do.

    Pam, the more you give some people, the more they want and they never learn.
    Sorry you all are going through this, we think it will soon be over and then she can't bother us anymore, once your sister runs through hers, all you can do is say NO!!!
    Wow, that takes some nerve (or other things you could call it) to call your lawyer and bank. I hope that they are giving her NO information and shouldn't even be taking her calls on the matter.

    I have told my sister no. They were trying to re-finance their house and take out equity a couple of years ago when house prices were way up. My sister said she wanted to go to Hawaii. They have bad credit and couldn't get a loan so they asked me to put her husband on one of my credit cards as an authorized user so that it would show up on his credit as a good account. I declined. I have worked hard for my good credit and I am not tying my finances to theirs in any way. I don't know how but they eventually got a loan and according to my father their house payments are now $4k per month. After that is when they had to borrow $32k to get their loan current or go into foreclosure.

    I want to see Egypt, Italy, a few other places too but I'll wait until all this is settled and I've allocated where it is to go. I wouldn't borrow money to do it!

  2. #12
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Our bank and lawyer just laughed at her and told her nothing. She has hauled off all that she can from MIL's house, I'm sure she is having a large yard sale with all of it. She has even been to the courthouse trying to get things put in her name, she has no sense of right and wrong.
    You hang tough Pam, and don't give an inch!

  3. #13
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    Talk about coincidences… my oldest daughter just called me about a problem her fiancé is having with his brother. Their grandfather has always let it be known that his estate will go to the two brothers (skipping their father). Well, the grandfather’s wife tried to shoot him (such drama!) so the brother has stepped in and is suddenly the grandfather’s best friend and is helping him change his will. He has told her fiancé that he has put himself on every account and changed the will so that HE is the sole inheritor and decides who gets what. He is acting like a braggart, taunting basically, that he gets everything and will give her fiancé what he thinks he should have.

    I told my daughter for one thing, talk to the grandfather directly and find out the truth. Make sure he isn’t being pushed into anything and if there is any hint that he is then it could be considered elder abuse. If the brother is the executor as he says he is then he has legal responsibility to execute the will as it was intended and they can sue him if he doesn’t.

    The brother also said that he was going to take the cash and invest it, even roll it over into long term CDs BEFORE he gives it to him. I told her that the executor has a fiduciary responsibility to not put that money at risk too.

  4. #14
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninnie
    Our bank and lawyer just laughed at her and told her nothing. She has hauled off all that she can from MIL's house, I'm sure she is having a large yard sale with all of it. She has even been to the courthouse trying to get things put in her name, she has no sense of right and wrong.
    You hang tough Pam, and don't give an inch!
    Not only no sense of right or wrong but sounds a little off too. It's too bad that there seems to be one person that causes these types of issues.

  5. #15
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Pam, I have decided to spend my last dollar just before I die, and have told my children so! LOL

  6. #16
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninnie
    Pam, I have decided to spend my last dollar just before I die, and have told my children so! LOL
    Mine know I too will probably do this....on fabric, machines and other misc sewing necessities :lol: :lol: :lol:

  7. #17
    Power Poster Mousie's Avatar
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    om goodness, Pam you are such a good all round person, sorry, your sister is up to these things, and worrying you so. You can't help but be concerned for her, and her future, bc she is your sister. It's going to be tough to watch her learn these hard lessons, when they come.
    You stuck to your guns, when they wanted her hubby to be put on your ccard, and be good to yourself, and stay staunch, when she ends up in a shanty, otherwise, she will never, ever learn. Have seen it.
    We use to do things on a smaller scale for family members, but no more.
    The giver is the one who most likely ends up, paying for it all. People that can't manage money, and then borrow, won't have it to pay back. We had to pay off two or three cards, to save hubby's credit. No more.
    We are on a fixed income now, and money is tight. We simply don't have any to loan.
    Hubby will get an inheritance of sorts, someday, but we don't count our chickens...you never know. It's all settled, and one or two are going to squander theirs. We will put more insulation in our house, and make sure we can get along in our old age. No big splurges. Will have to have the crying towel ready, for those that don't do the same. hugs.

  8. #18
    Super Member Quilt4u's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. My DD has been gone 5 years now. Befor he died he told me that I was sole benafactor(?) in his will. Well when he went my step mother got evey thing. She kelpt in touch with me of 1 year. Now I don't hear from her at all. My father trusted her. He wanted me to have a house. Things just don't work out that way for me. Forget and move on.

  9. #19
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    Pam, so sorry you are having to go through all of this.
    There will be nothing left when my father passes, and if there is, he has a young wife who will inherit. This is acommunity property state, and they have been married for more than 20 years. Let her have it. She has earned every bit of whatever. My dad is not an easy person!

  10. #20
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    I sympathize but I have to put in my two cents as I was that person who took advantage. My dad was a great dad but he liked to manipulate people and I learned how to do it really!!! well. My dad's side of the family have an attitude I inherited. Do what you want before doing what you should do. I still fight this as I am a big procrastinator but I do understand how someone like your sister could do what she is doing. I had a very!! large inheritance from my grandfather in my father's place as he had passed away.

    I bought a van and gave my kids all money and used it to do whatever we wanted. We never had money to do anything when my kids were growing up. My husband had an excellent job but I was always making bad decisions money wise and doing things we couldn't afford.
    So you get in the mind frame that I can't make it go far enough so I might as well do something that makes me feel good instead. I was always behind in payments and relied on my dad to get me out of trouble a lot!!
    My husband's favorite saying was "We can't afford it but we're doing anyway!"

    Then my dad died. I no longer had him to bail me out of jams! My mom does help me and she actually helped me straighten myself out eventually and now I pay my bills on time and am an honest responsible adult but it took me until I was 45 to see the light and get on the right road.
    It is easy to tell yourself that you want it and I am going to have it no matter what!! It is a little like being an alcholic. This attitude is so ingrained that it is hard to change. Like quitting smoking it is a matter of rethinking how you act each and every day.

    I still have to consciously choose not to do things that I would have done before. I choose not to misuse my money. But it isn't easy!
    I never held myself accountable to anyone!! Not even my husband. I would do what ever I wanted no matter the cost.
    So please don't judge her too harshly. Not everyone has the skills to be responsible. It takes time to grow up and understand there are better ways to live.

    Noone could or can now tell me how to act or do anything!! You can not live her life for her. She has to be accountable for her own actions. You are not. I know it is hard to sit back and watch destructive behavior but there is not much you can do.

    I hope you can find a way to let her go her own way. It is best for you if you can. In time I hope she will see that her behavior is self destructive but if she doesn't I am sure she still cares about you all. '

    I do have to say tho that money is not my first priority my family is. Money may come and go but your loved ones are more important than any amount of money!! I hope the best for you and your family!! God Bless you and keep you!

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