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Thread: mammogram

  1. #1
    Super Member litacats's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    western australia
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    I saw the post about cancer and thought I would share this with you. cancer is a terrible disease I have lost many friends from it, but we also need humor in our lives to,
    so here you are. it is a very old poem

    In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

    Laugh then make appointment for a mammogram!!!

    How to train for a mammogram

    I had my physical today and.....

    I
    *
    JUST

    *
    HATE

    !!!

    GETTING

    *
    OLDER

    !!!

    Have a good laugh then go get a mammogram

    GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

    This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing.
    There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.

    For years and years they told me,
    Be careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
    And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings,
    And protected them by law.
    Guarded them very carefully,
    And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care,
    My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
    Said I should get a Mammogram
    "OK," I said, "let's do it."
    "Stand up here real close" she said,
    (She got my boob in line),
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooters in a vise!
    My skin was stretched and mangled,
    From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed,
    To Swedish Pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within it's viselike grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless tit!
    "Take a deep breath," she said to me,
    Who does she think she's kidding?!?
    My chest is mashed in her machine,
    And woozy I am getting.
    "There, that's good," I heard her say,
    (The room was slowly swaying.)
    "Now, let's have a go at the other one."
    Have mercy, I was praying.
    It squeezed me from both up and down,
    It squeezed me from both sides.
    I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
    To HER tender little hide.
    Next time that they make me do this,
    I will request a blindfold.
    I have no wish to see again,
    My knockers getting steam rolled.
    If I had no problem when I came in,
    I surely have one now.
    If there had been a cyst in there,
    It would have gone "ker-pow!"
    This machine was created by a man,
    Of this, I have no doubt.
    I'd like to stick his balls in there,
    And, see how THEY come out!

  2. #2
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    So funny. But really........get a mammogram.

  3. #3
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
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    Atlanta
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    Amen!

  4. #4
    Power Poster
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    I really liked the last two lines!

  5. #5
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    La Pine Oregon, USA
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    I just had one a few weeks ago -- FIRST one that has NOT hurt!!!! I told the girl she must be doing it wrong!!! LOL

    Yeah, I like that OP, too!

  6. #6
    Super Member Gramof6's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
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    Oklahoma
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    :D This is good! :D Mine have never hurt so I cannot complain. Guess I get a good tech. Thank Goodness! :wink: Have already had mine this year. If you have not made that appt. please do it Monday!

  7. #7
    Super Member earthwalker's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
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    Perth, Western Australia
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    Great reminder....two of my closest friends are breast cancer survivors....so don't put it off...you won't get all the quilts on your wish list made if you don't take care of yourself!

  8. #8
    Junior Member G-Maw Wilda's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
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    KY, along the Ohio River
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    I have a mammogram every year. My mother had to have a masectomy so I started getting them right after her surgery. She was cancer free and had been for about ten years, when she died from a stroke in 1994.

  9. #9
    Super Member pojo's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
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    They do hurt but it saved my life. They found a lump and I had it removed.

    But I agree a man must invented this too.

    They should have their balls in it one time and see how it hurts.

  10. #10
    Senior Member sall's Avatar
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    Mar 2010
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    I have never had any hurt from having a mammogram, and I have them regular. I know people who do think it hurts, but it only takes a few seconds if it does. GO GET ONE DONE.

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