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Thread: mammogram

  1. #1
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    western australia
    I saw the post about cancer and thought I would share this with you. cancer is a terrible disease I have lost many friends from it, but we also need humor in our lives to,
    so here you are. it is a very old poem

    In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

    Laugh then make appointment for a mammogram!!!

    How to train for a mammogram

    I had my physical today and.....







    Have a good laugh then go get a mammogram


    This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing.
    There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.

    For years and years they told me,
    Be careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
    And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings,
    And protected them by law.
    Guarded them very carefully,
    And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care,
    My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
    Said I should get a Mammogram
    "OK," I said, "let's do it."
    "Stand up here real close" she said,
    (She got my boob in line),
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooters in a vise!
    My skin was stretched and mangled,
    From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed,
    To Swedish Pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within it's viselike grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless tit!
    "Take a deep breath," she said to me,
    Who does she think she's kidding?!?
    My chest is mashed in her machine,
    And woozy I am getting.
    "There, that's good," I heard her say,
    (The room was slowly swaying.)
    "Now, let's have a go at the other one."
    Have mercy, I was praying.
    It squeezed me from both up and down,
    It squeezed me from both sides.
    I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
    To HER tender little hide.
    Next time that they make me do this,
    I will request a blindfold.
    I have no wish to see again,
    My knockers getting steam rolled.
    If I had no problem when I came in,
    I surely have one now.
    If there had been a cyst in there,
    It would have gone "ker-pow!"
    This machine was created by a man,
    Of this, I have no doubt.
    I'd like to stick his balls in there,
    And, see how THEY come out!

  2. #2
    Power Poster littlehud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    SW Iowa
    So funny. But really........get a mammogram.

  3. #3
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

  4. #4
    Power Poster
    Join Date
    May 2008
    I really liked the last two lines!

  5. #5
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    La Pine Oregon, USA
    I just had one a few weeks ago -- FIRST one that has NOT hurt!!!! I told the girl she must be doing it wrong!!! LOL

    Yeah, I like that OP, too!

  6. #6
    Super Member Gramof6's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    :D This is good! :D Mine have never hurt so I cannot complain. Guess I get a good tech. Thank Goodness! :wink: Have already had mine this year. If you have not made that appt. please do it Monday!

  7. #7
    Power Poster earthwalker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Perth, Western Australia
    Great reminder....two of my closest friends are breast cancer survivors....so don't put it off...you won't get all the quilts on your wish list made if you don't take care of yourself!

  8. #8
    Junior Member G-Maw Wilda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    KY, along the Ohio River
    I have a mammogram every year. My mother had to have a masectomy so I started getting them right after her surgery. She was cancer free and had been for about ten years, when she died from a stroke in 1994.

  9. #9
    Super Member pojo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    They do hurt but it saved my life. They found a lump and I had it removed.

    But I agree a man must invented this too.

    They should have their balls in it one time and see how it hurts.

  10. #10
    Senior Member sall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    I have never had any hurt from having a mammogram, and I have them regular. I know people who do think it hurts, but it only takes a few seconds if it does. GO GET ONE DONE.

  11. #11
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    I used to train for them.

    For two weeks before my scheduled mammograms I'd do some intensive training to get the girls ready.

    Allotting 10 minutes for each "lady" I'd stand naked by the refrigerator and slam the door closed on them.

    When that was done I'd lay down in the drive and have DH drive my jeep back and forth over each one.

    Then we'd do 5 minutes in the workshop vice.

    After a few weeks of that, mammograms were a breeze.

  12. #12
    Super Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Merced, CA
    Blog Entries
    Okay, some of this is a medical reality.

    Now we have what is called Thermography, which does not squeeze our boobs quite so hard, and uses a different kind of imaging. This is what new hospitals have and others are gearing up for it.

    Check it out. You get the prescription for the process and you have to check out where you get it. I would be suspicious if my doctor flatly insisted on me going to one single place..to my mind that would say he/she had money ties to that one place.

    Also, especially when having blood tests, I have been angry enough to walk out and go someplace else when told that I would not be allowed to pick up my test results, that they would only be sent to the doctor. I have a file folder with years of my test results, and some times the doctor has had to ask ME for a copy of my results, since she/he had not received a copy of them in a timely manner..say, one month after the procedure. Plus, I've checked with medical people I volunteered with when something on my test results didn't seem right, but the doctor never caught. They are well educated, but only human, and if questioned in a non threatening manner will be glad to re-check the results and discuss them with you.

  13. #13
    Super Member Lynneander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Las Cruces, NM
    The good old "smash and flash" as I lovingly refer to it! Painful but necessary. Thanks so much for sharing this great poem and more important message.

  14. #14
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    western australia
    Quote Originally Posted by sall
    I have never had any hurt from having a mammogram, and I have them regular. I know people who do think it hurts, but it only takes a few seconds if it does. GO GET ONE DONE.
    lucky you and all the others who don'd fell the pain of a mammogram, but to me it is one of the most painful experiences I have ever had, I suffer from neopathic pain disorder, fibromialgia arthritus to name just a few, but even tho it hurts like hell I still go back for more, am I a massacist (to tired to spell tonight) no I just need to get my lumps checked regularly and have neadle biopsies when required

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