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Thread: Nightmare mammogram appointment.....funny!!!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,
    "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."
    The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I was curious, so I listened as the lady told her story.
    "Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned,
    "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on
    this gown. Everything clear?"

    I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

    With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

    Fine, I answered.

    I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two
    4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

    Complete darkness, the power was off!

    Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag."
    Then she headed for the door.

    "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

    Belinda kept going and said,
    "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so
    you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

    Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part
    of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass

    After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

    Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

    "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

    Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.

    Are we upset?"


    And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

    The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!

  2. #2
    Super Member AlwaysQuilting's Avatar
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    Oh my! But I'd have done the same thing! lol

  3. #3
    Super Member Jennifer22206's Avatar
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    I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. thank goodness it was a female judge!

  4. #4
    Junior Member AZTeri's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  5. #5
    Senior Member nana20010's Avatar
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    roflol husband thinks i`v go crazy

  6. #6
    Senior Member ChrisB's Avatar
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    So funny! They'd have have me up for murder.

  7. #7
    Super Member NancyG's Avatar
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    That is tooo funny!!! Loved it!

  8. #8
    cjr
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    Super Member cjr's Avatar
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    Ditter43, Loved this. thank you for making me smile today. I messed seeing you on here. How all is well with you.

  9. #9
    MyWifeMadeME's Avatar
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    I can only imagine.... lol

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyWifeMadeME
    I can only imagine.... lol
    -------------------
    No, buddy, you can't image it unless you mentally put a totally masculine part of your body in that same spot. I can imagine that, you standing on tippy toe, unable to free yourself and watching folks walking past the open door and slowing down to peer into the room, and then that little twit comes in twittering about lunch...................

    THEN you can say you know what she was talking about!! I would have been arrested for attempted murder!!!

  11. #11
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    Omg, that is hilarious!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!

  12. #12
    Super Member CoventryUK's Avatar
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    Well done Ditter!! That's a classic!!!! Nice to see you around again!! Hope you are on top form again!!

  13. #13
    Super Member Ilovemydogs's Avatar
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    hahahaha~ Love it!

  14. #14
    Super Member New Quilter's Avatar
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    Oh Ditter...how I love the funnies that you post!!!
    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Naomi

  15. #15
    Power Poster
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    GOOD ONE DITTER GLAD YOU BACK

  16. #16
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    Glad to see you! Missed ur funnies! Hope ur ok!!

  17. #17
    Super Member babyfireo4's Avatar
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    to funny!

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisB
    So funny! They'd have have me up for murder.
    This is what I was thinking too Justifiable Homicide

  19. #19
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    I'd have done more than that to her. lol Barb Hi Ditter

  20. #20
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    Oh, Ditter. That is tooooooo funny. Thanks for the laughter (smile).

  21. #21
    Senior Member Katz13203's Avatar
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    That's a real good one!

  22. #22
    Super Member leiladylei54's Avatar
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    Too funny!!! Have missed your posts and glad you're back. Hope all is well with you, Ditter!!!

  23. #23
    Senior Member sew_southern's Avatar
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    Love it! :lol:

  24. #24
    Super Member
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    Oh, I enjoyed that one Ditter. Glad your back. Hope you are doing well.

  25. #25
    Junior Member Carol in WI's Avatar
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    Thank you Ditter for another good laugh! We have missed you and pray that all is well ~

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