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Thread: Want husband to butt out

  1. #1
    Junior Member conniemaried's Avatar
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    Want husband to butt out

    My DH granted me the master bedroom to turn into a sewing studio, but now that we're actually making design plans, he wants to do everything his way! He tends to ignore my wishes and expertise (I've been sewing for 50 years, and have a degree in Home Ec.) I know he means well and is trying to help, but this is MY dream room, not HIS. Has anybody had a problem like this? How do I get the room I want? This is majorly important. Help!

  2. #2
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    I am so lucky my DH is so helpful. I ask for him to do something and he either comes up with a better idea or does it my way. Maybe you can sit down with your DH and explain to him that you need it done your way for certain reasons and list those reasons to him. Hope you have good luck in convincing him. Your lucky to get a bigger room. Mine is the smallest bedroom.

  3. #3
    Senior Member diamondee's Avatar
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    The only thing I can suggest is making up two plans, yours and his, he may have some good ideas that might enhance the space and your ideas. Remind him that woman do things differently then men, so even though an idea may work well in the workshop, it doesn't do well in the sewing room. Remind him that you realize he is trying to help you and that you appreciate all of the effort, but shouldn't it be a room that works well for you?

  4. #4
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    How much will you have to pay (not money) if you insist on having your plans, not his?

  5. #5
    Junior Member conniemaried's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TanyaL View Post
    How much will you have to pay (not money) if you insist on having your plans, not his?
    I will probably pay big time in the short run, but eventually he'll probably mellow out and accept it. He has a HUGE macho ego, and being retired, he doesn't have anything better to do. After all, this is a big undertaking for us.

  6. #6
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I would tell him you are the one that will be in the room most of the time and you need it to fit your likes. Tell him your idea may not be practical at all to him but is the way you will feel most comfortable. If it is to be your room then you want it your room with his help to make it your room.
    Got fabric?

  7. #7
    Super Member Dina's Avatar
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    I think you have to let him know how much you appreciate his help, but also remind him that you have ideas too. When I am dealing with my mother, I always say things like...."Consider this"...and offer what I think might work. Sometimes that softens my wanting to do something differently.

    Maybe do him the same favor, considering what he says.

    Just guessing here....you are undertaking a large project, sure want you to be happy with the results. ....I just reread this and it makes me sound like I know what I am talking about. I don't! Promise. Ask my husband, who knows everything. But when it comes to my sewing room, I do stand up for what I want. I'll say things like, "I understand what you are saying, but that isn't what I want in my sewing room." Really, I have actually said that.

    Dina

  8. #8
    Super Member ghostrider's Avatar
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    Ask yourself : Is he going to let you design his workshop/hobby area/sports lounge/man cave in return? Is he going to be working in your sewing room with you? Is he trying to limit the changes to things that will not affect the resale value of your home? Will there be a corner in your new space for him to hang out while you work? Is there some other 'upgrade' project you can steer him towards; the garage maybe?
    The Earth without art is just "Eh".

  9. #9
    Super Member DogHouseMom's Avatar
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    I had a similar problem albiet with a much smaller project ... A "big board". My husband wanted to over engineer it to death. I finally told him firmly but gently that I knew what I wanted, would appreciate his assistance, but not if it was at the cost of not getting the product that I wanted - because after all I had the expertise in this particular area, he didnt know which end of the iron got hot!

    Hubby and I go through this a lot, I usually let him win, but there were times that his expertise in engineering was not as well suited to my expertise in the given area ( mostly dogs, my whelping box was a disaster!). This time I really put my foot down though.

    Do listen to him, and do thank him for his input, but if one of his ideas is wrong - you have to say thanks but no thanks.

    Have fun with the new room.
    May your stitches always be straight, your seams always lie flat, and your grain never be biased against you.

    Sue

  10. #10
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    my method is always to let him overhear me telling a girlfriend what i want him to do, only phrasing it as if it was all his doing....."i'm so excited, i get to have my sewing room done over and XXX is doing it all just for me... i've been planning this for years and he's told me he can do all the work himself!"....

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