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Thread: Babyboomers Getting Ready to Have Mom Move In

  1. #1
    Super Member jljack's Avatar
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    After several preliminary discussions, we (me and my siblings) are going to have a family meeting to tell our mom (86 years young!) that we think it's time for her to move in with my DH and I. She is remarkably energetic and independent, but over the past year she has started to have some health issues and her hands and head now shake nearly all the time, quite a lot when she is tired. We worry that she will fall or hurt herself when she's cooking. My nephew was riding with her recently while she was driving, and said she got confused at a left turn, and actually drove into the oncoming traffic lane.

    So, it's time. We all knew it would come, and she already agreed that she would move in with us when we talked to her about making plans ahead of time about 2 years ago after my dad passed away. We can't even think about moving her to an assisted living, because she is still so active, and enjoys church, quilting, going shopping, spending time with her greatgrandkids and grandkids, etc.

    How many of you have similar plans for the future of your parents? Or have you already becomes "roommates" with 1 or both of your parents?

  2. #2
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    We do. My Mom is 87 and very healthy and active but she said she would give up her home and live with my sister or me if the time comes.
    I would love that and so would my sister. Mom lives in New York and sis and I live in Ohio but we'll work it out somehow. We are so grateful she is still alive. Can't even imagine putting her anywhere but with one of us. Right now she has a dog and my brother is always around and helps her a lot.
    I'm filled with gratitude about my bro and all he does :)
    I wish you all the best with your Mom :D

  3. #3
    Senior Member pstoner's Avatar
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    we moved my MIL onto our farm, built her a "hadicapped home" she's 700 feet from my door, it allows her to keep her indepence, but we are next door. She doesn't use her stove, but does use the Microwave I am on call if she needs something 24/7, and have left my bed/work whatever to assist her. We know that someday we will have to think about other options, but right now it's working for all involved, she's 81

  4. #4
    Senior Member B. Louise's Avatar
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    My mother lived with us from age 67-87 when she passed away from cancer. She was such a blessing to all of us. She was very active, but didn't have enough income to maintain her own home, far away from us. Our children were aged 8, 13, and 15 when she came to live with us. She became very important in their lives, but did not interfere with our parenting. We miss her every day.

  5. #5
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    This is a heart warming post. How lucky you are to still have your moms!!! Bless you all for caring for parents the way they should be cared for.

  6. #6
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    My mother is 88 and lives in her own apartment, in a senior complex. She has a woman to help with the housework twice a month, and I drive her everywhere. She is slowing down, but still completely independent. She is planning on moving to an assisted living situation when she can't care for herself any longer. I think she feels that way she won't be a 'burden'. We do have stairs and a small house that's not really suitable. However, there is a lovely assisted living facility just blocks from us.
    I too feel so blessed that my mom is still here. It's great to have those discussions ahead of time, isn't it?

  7. #7
    Fancy Nancy's Avatar
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    my mom lives with me - has for past over 10 years. she is 94 and has advanced Alzheimer's. Can't do much for herself - I have to spoon feed her, change her pants etc. Hard for her to stand so I do a lot of lifting her from bed to wheelchair etc. Still, would not dream of putting her in a home. I think she has stayed as alert as she has b/c she is still here - I keep her busy with toys she plays with, "reading", etc. It is lots of work, but has been worth still having her around.

  8. #8
    Super Member Midwestmary's Avatar
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    You will be blessed to have your mother with you! It will be an adjustment for all of you - but in the end I trust you will find it to be a treasured experience. My FIL lived with us for 18 months before he died of cancer at age 86. I treasure that time - difficult as it was at times. We moved my mother in with us - two years ago - but my health issues and her declining health necessitated a move for her to Assisted Living close by. The initial move for her from her home state down to where we are was hard and the initial few months were a big adjustment. Prepare yourself knowing you'll have some days that will be harder than others...and be sure to take care of yourself :)Keep us posted.

  9. #9
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    My Dad moved in with me after my Mom died. He was 85 and lived with me until his death at 92. I would not trade one of those years, even though there were tough times. After about 5 years we sold his home in another state - he wanted to make sure he always had somewhere to go - LOL! Took his Lincoln Mark VIII away from him at age 90 - he didn't like that much, but we were doing all the driving anyway. Still miss him after 12 years.

  10. #10
    Cyn
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    Super Member Cyn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barnbum
    This is a heart warming post. How lucky you are to still have your moms!!! Bless you all for caring for parents the way they should be cared for.
    ditto

  11. #11
    Super Member jljack's Avatar
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    Thanks for your stories and encouragement, everyone!! We know it will be a good outcome for her and for us...we worry about her, and will feel better when we have her here. She wants to be useful, and feels she can help me...I have RA which is under control now, but who knows what the future will bring? Anyway, we are looking forward to this arrangement, and will count every day with her as a blessing from God!!

  12. #12
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    My mom lived with us for 14 1/2 years. She had Alzheimer's, but it wasn't too bad until about 3 years before she died in 2005. My husband's employer offered the long term employees a buy out in 2002, so he took it, and we took care of her 24/7. It's certainly not the easiest thing to do, but it's doable. Best wishes to you and your family.

  13. #13
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    my parents moved in with me about a year ago. dad is 84 and pretty healthy, jsut slowing down, mom is 80 with bad health. mom uses supplemental oxygen, falls easily, can't do much.
    i've been single and living alone for the past decade. i work full time then come straight home to cook meals for my parents. sometimes it starts to feel like a burden but i remind myself how fortunate i am to still have parents. we get along most of the time and my dad does part of the chores.

  14. #14
    kbs
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    Senior Member kbs's Avatar
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    My Mother and her husband live next door on our little farm. She gave up cooking so they come to my house for supper every night. When one is not well I take something down. She will be 90 this spring.

  15. #15
    Super Member jljack's Avatar
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    You all are so inspiring! I know this is going to work out.

  16. #16
    Super Member Midwestmary's Avatar
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    It will work out - and when it is all said and done, you'll look back and consider it a blessing. The verse you have in your signature line says it all - it is one I refer to often. Please consider keeping us updated - how soon will the move take place?

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