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Thread: behavior problem question

  1. #1
    a regular here sisLH's Avatar
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    I need your help.
    Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
    This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
    The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
    Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?

  2. #2
    Super Member Qbee's Avatar
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    Why did you get flack?? I mean, what was their complaint??

  3. #3
    Super Member DebraK's Avatar
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    I think you made a very fair consequence for his actions. It's not like you mindlessly spanked the child or ignored his misdeed. There was a lesson attached.

  4. #4
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    I think what you did was fine...too many kids don't learn that they have to take responsibility for their actions. Don't know what the flack was about from the family, but if the parents weren't going to hold him accountable you did the right thing.

  5. #5
    Super Member redkimba's Avatar
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    I think you did the right thing. The 8-year-old needs to learn that all actions have consequences, both good and bad.

  6. #6
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    as long as when you explained it to him you were not angry I see no problem with this - when my kids were younger I took a parenting class and this was one way to handle a difficult situation - for every action there is a reaction . And a nice way to teach the child the value of money - he is not too young to understand that it takes work to earn money and money to pay for things .

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    It sounds like what I would have done. I see no problem.

  8. #8
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    My 22 yo has no concept of money. That is our fault for not teaching her at your GS's age. Good job Gramma. Keep up the good work.

  9. #9
    Super Member feline fanatic's Avatar
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    IMHO, parents who do not teach their children that there are consequences for their actions (bad and good) are doing their children a grave disservice and eventually releasing irresponsible adults into society who have a misguided sense of entitlement.

    What you did was perfectly acceptable and hopefully a good life lesson. I simply can not understand parents who think their children should not be disciplined in any way.

  10. #10
    Super Member mommamac's Avatar
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    I think you were lenient - I would have taken him & his piggy bank to the store, have him find the cost of the item & buy it for his brother. If his bank didn't have enough, then I'd have him then 'work' to earn the difference.

    Kids need consequences that fit their actions - like the sign in some stores: 'if you break it, you buy it!'

  11. #11

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    You should be proud of yourself It is time someone in this world started teaching their children to take responsibility for their actions and respect for other peoples property. The family should feel blessed that you cared enough for your grandchildren to teach them right from wrong. Thank You for giving me hope that some of todays children will learn to grow up good responsible people.

  12. #12
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    You were so right for doing that. Sounds to me that if you caught flack for this then they are probably letting him get away with bad behavior and that's not right.

  13. #13
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    At the age of 8, he knew exactly what he was doing. Teaching him that there are consequences is a good thing. Teaching him that he needs to be financially responsible for his actions is a good thing too! :D:D:D

  14. #14
    Senior Member pstoner's Avatar
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    No not a extreme strong punishment, and I would support you completely in your decision. You are correct, he does need to know that he is responsible for his actions, and he is old enough to understand that. He also will understand now that for every action, there is an equal reaction.

    Great lesson you are teaching him.

  15. #15
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    You made the consequence, fair, just, comprehendable, & you did it with love. Bravo Grandma!

  16. #16
    Super Member brookemarie19's Avatar
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    I see no problem with what you did.... in fact I just did the same thing with my 6 year old. He broke is 18 month old sisters musical snow globe just because he wanted to see how hard he had to push the globe part before it broke. Don't ask me what made him think to do that, but I just told him that since he broke it he is to replace it. Not that I won't give him his money back also, but he will now think before he is careless and breaks things next time.

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    Nope, tough love is just that----tough! My thought is always---what is this child going to do when he get to be an adult with kids of their own??? How are they going to be able to be able to work with others? etc.....

    That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.

  18. #18
    Super Member AgapeStitches's Avatar
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    I think you did the right thing. There are too many parents and greandparents that are not teaching their children right from wrong and that there are consequences for your actions (good or bad). Stand firm in your beliefs and convictions.

  19. #19
    Senior Member RatherB Quilting's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone else that you were fair and responsible. It's not like you pitched a fit and told him how horrible he was. You gave him consequences and even a choice for how to correct the problem. I think you did a great job. I feel sorry for his parents who at 8 aren't teaching him consequences or financial responsibility. Now is the ideal time! They will pay the price for that later when he is a teen and doesn't understand why taking a razor to his $50 jeans is not a bad thing.
    You did great!

  20. #20
    Power Poster Prism99's Avatar
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    What did you was very fair and in line with teaching the concept of fairness. You should not be getting any flak for this!

  21. #21
    Super Member rusty quilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sisLH
    I need your help.
    Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
    This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
    The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
    Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?
    Life is about learning--the good and the bad. You are helping your GS understand that all actions have consequences--at least at your house! Good for you--wish more people took the "flack" and did what was right to teach the child. :thumbup:

  22. #22
    a regular here sisLH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qbee
    Why did you get flack?? I mean, what was their complaint??
    too strong of reprimand

  23. #23
    Super Member AgapeStitches's Avatar
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    Maybe that person needs the strong reprimand.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts
    Nope, tough love is just that----tough! My thought is always---what is this child going to do when he get to be an adult with kids of their own??? How are they going to be able to be able to work with others? etc.....

    That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.
    Excellent question - it is a major difficulty for some children to understand appropriate ways to respond to their unexpected emotion of anger. It is wise to never allow the anger response to avoid the behavior consequence itself. These are two separate issues - and, for the sake of the child, both should be addressed. I think we have another grandma here that cares enough and knows enough to help her grandchild learn. The rest of the family should value that, and will suffer the consequences if they ignore it.

  25. #25
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
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    nope, it's your house and your loss. good for you!!!

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