behavior problem question
01-07-2011, 09:01 AM
#21
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Maple City, MI
Posts: 2,135
Originally Posted by sisLH
I need your help.
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?
01-07-2011, 09:04 AM
#24
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts
Nope, tough love is just that----tough! My thought is always---what is this child going to do when he get to be an adult with kids of their own??? How are they going to be able to be able to work with others? etc.....
That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.
That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.
01-07-2011, 09:26 AM
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Cleveland OH
Posts: 3,220
Originally Posted by DebraK
I think you made a very fair consequence for his actions. It's not like you mindlessly spanked the child or ignored his misdeed. There was a lesson attached.
Edited to say: Your house, your rules. That's the way it was with my boys and their Grandma. She was better at it than I was! I always thanked her.
01-07-2011, 09:47 AM
#27
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,991
At our house he would have had to pay some cash from his piggy bank and work off the rest by doing chores. Children who get away with this kind of stuff learn that it is ok to do this to others who are smaller or weaker and that is not how we raise responsible caring adults. This is a wonderful lesson to teach your grandson and you should have had 100% back-up from his parents.
01-07-2011, 10:09 AM
#28
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,341
I think you did great. If your family gives you flack maybe you could ask them how they would feel if you broke something of importance of theirs, on purpose, just because you were mad. Would they expect you to pay for a replacement or would they just shrug their sholders and say oh well. Children need to learn everyone has choices. Those choices have consequences which can be positive, or as in your case, negative.
01-07-2011, 10:14 AM
#29
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Vermont
Posts: 6,984
I would have given him a choice - pay for brother's toy (and he would NOT be getting the money back!!) or one of his favorite toys would "disappear".
I guess that would be hard to do as a GP, however. The parents should be stepping up.
I guess that would be hard to do as a GP, however. The parents should be stepping up.
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