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Thread: Confused Giver Seeks Opinions

  1. #1
    Super Member chuckbere15's Avatar
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    We gave my nephew our old iPhone to use as an iPod Touch for Christmas. We gave him a ton of other stuff, too. My nephew is seven years old and we did not want to give him a brand new iPod Touch until he reached the age that would take better care off his belongings. I remember when I was his age. Anyways, tonight while we were celebrating birthdays at my mom's house, we found out that my sister and her husband took the iPhone away from him and replaced it with an mp3 player. They stated that they were afraid he would call 911 on the phone.

    Were we wrong to ask for it back? I told my sister I would replace it with an iPod touch. I think that my sister husband is using it.

  2. #2
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    As for asking for it back, seems that it is already in use. A gift is a gift, and parents should be the ones to decide if it is good for the kids. They should have said something at the time he got it.
    I wouldn't ask for it back. But seven years old is just a little bit too young, to my way of thinking. All he should have, if anything, is a plain vanilla cell phone, if that. There's no reason for a small child to have all that expensive electronic equipment.
    Is he in a school so bad that he has to walk past dangerous neighborhoods? Does he have to call 911 often? Or do his parents just want him to keep up with the Jones family?

  3. #3
    Super Member Pat P's Avatar
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    Depends if you want to keep peace in the family.Sometimes it's just easier to let it go.

  4. #4
    Super Member chuckbere15's Avatar
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    We did not give it as a phone, nor do we think that a seven year old needs or should have a phone. And yes, his parents should make that decision, not his uncles. When we see him he plays games on our phone and really enjoys it. Our thought was when he travels, going to grandmas house, it is a two hour car ride, thus giving him something to keep him occupied in the car.

  5. #5
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckbere15
    We did not give it as a phone, nor do we think that a seven year old needs or should have a phone. And yes, his parents should make that decision, not his uncles. When we see him he plays games on our phone and really enjoys it. Our thought was when he travels, going to grandmas house, it is a two hour car ride, thus giving him something to keep him occupied in the car.
    Did you have the SIM card deactivated? If you did it would make the phone unusable. At least until they got another card for it.
    You can call your phone company and ask if it is being used.

  6. #6
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    Game boys are great for playing games while traveling. Kept my boys busy for their 5 hour drives.

  7. #7
    Super Member mmonohon's Avatar
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    They should have discussed it with you first. You had every right to ask for it back.

  8. #8
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    I understand your intent. I would ask for it back and not feel quilty at all. You didn't give it to the parent and since the child is not allowed to use it I feel it should be returned to you. If they won't let you replace it with a more suitable hand held game then don't feel bad for asking for it back.

  9. #9
    Super Member lalaland's Avatar
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    In my family my mother was notorious for giving us things, then asking for them back, it got to be a family joke between my brother and I and probably why we both feel - if you give a gift, it now belongs to the recipient and whatever happens from there - you are out of the loop. Just let it go.

    If you're not happy with the outcome, you'll know what not to give in the future.

  10. #10
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    If the phone is not activated, i dont understand why they took it.

  11. #11
    Super Member brushandthimble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalaland
    In my family my mother was notorious for giving us things, then asking for them back, it got to be a family joke between my brother and I and probably why we both feel - if you give a gift, it now belongs to the recipient and whatever happens from there - you are out of the loop. Just let it go.

    If you're not happy with the outcome, you'll know what not to give in the future.
    Except the parents are not the recipient, I would ask for it back. Seems like dad took it away so HE could have an iphone

  12. #12
    Senior Member redvette54's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leatheflea
    If the phone is not activated, i dont understand why they took it.
    I've been told, that any phone, de-activated or not, will call 911. I've never had to try it, so I'm not sure. Anybody know if this is true?

  13. #13
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    yes, it is true. I keep an old tracfone in my car for that purpose.

  14. #14
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    I wouldn't ask for it back. A gift is a gift, once it is given it is no longer yours. I would make sure that if it is being used it is not being used on your plan.

  15. #15
    Super Member pumpkinpatchquilter's Avatar
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    I am a Mother of a 5 year old and an 8 year old and I am so glad to read that you agree that 7 is just way too young for a phone. I probably wouldn't have asked for it back either. It sounds like you are disappointed that it wasn't used for it's intended purpose, and maybe even feel a little cheated since the child's Father is using it...however...just coming from the standpoint of a Mother who has children with very generous Uncles...I would always ask before giving a gift of this nature. That way you can be sure if the parents will find it appropriate, and if they tell you before you have given it, the child won't be upset and you won't be out an expensive gift. Used or not.

    I can tell your intentions are good here, but just as a Mother I think asking ahead will save you grief and I believe she will really appreciate that you are giving her the choice as a parent to kindly decline. Know what I mean? I think asking for it back might just create unnecessary drama...I would let it go and just tread carefully in the future. :)

  16. #16
    Super Member earlylace's Avatar
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    Once you give something its gone. Like money, if you lend it do it not expecting anything back, if you get anything back thats a bonus. Next time just give gifts appropiate to the ability of the child. Its safer that way

  17. #17
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    Personally speaking I don't think a 7 year old needs either one of those things. I wouldn't have any qualms about asking for it back, since it's not going to be used.

  18. #18
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    Okay, Grandma here. That is one of the things my 8 year old Granddaughter asked for for XMas. The other was American Girl doll. Yes, I think the I touch isd way out of the "needs" of a child that age, but after discussing it woith my niece who has two grands that age, and a second niece who has two girls that age, and a SIL who has two great Grands that age, it seems that having an I touch is quite the rage right now. I bought the doll, her daddy bought the I touch. She is very careful with it, andf mostly gets to use it in the car or in the house,she doesn"t have it with her all the time. As to asking for your I Phone back, yes I would. You can say you didnt think about it being used for a matter other than games, since that is what he used it for while at your house. And say I'd like it back so that when he comes to see me, he can have it there to play with, and that you will take the responsibility for its use when he is there. My son bought his 4&7 year old( last year) each a pre-paid phone so that they could use it to call him from their room if they needed to talk( divorced , new step, different rules etc.) The phone was taken away the first time she called her daddy, jusdt to talk!! All conversations must be in the same room, so they can hear everything the kids say. That isn"t right!! So, whatever toys or gifts that come from this side of the family, stay at daddy's house, and believe it or not, that is the way the kids want it to be.

  19. #19
    Super Member chuckbere15's Avatar
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    We are going to try and remove the sim card to see if that it will deactivate any and all phone capabilities. If it does not work, we will replace the iPhone, that does not have a cell plan attached to it, with an iPod. And then sell the phone.

    Thanks for all your advice and opinions.

  20. #20
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
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    I'm with you about not giving small children expensive electronics. my grandchildren love me. kidding. but my DIL loves me. not!!!

  21. #21
    Super Member pumpkinpatchquilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nativetexan
    I'm with you about not giving small children expensive electronics. my grandchildren love me. kidding. but my DIL loves me. not!!!
    It can be tough to be a Daughter in Law! ;)

  22. #22
    Super Member quiltmom04's Avatar
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    I wold think that if the phone's number is disabled it couldn't be used as a phone, right?

  23. #23
    Senior Member kwendt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckbere15
    We gave my nephew our old iPhone to use as an iPod Touch for Christmas. We gave him a ton of other stuff, too. My nephew is seven years old and we did not want to give him a brand new iPod Touch until he reached the age that would take better care off his belongings. I remember when I was his age. Anyways, tonight while we were celebrating birthdays at my mom's house, we found out that my sister and her husband took the iPhone away from him and replaced it with an mp3 player. They stated that they were afraid he would call 911 on the phone.

    Were we wrong to ask for it back? I told my sister I would replace it with an iPod touch. I think that my sister husband is using it.
    I guess it all depends on our 'families'... in some, asking for a gift back, is 'taboo'. In others... things are very casual. Just depends. Only you will know. For myself, I tend to be upfront... and will tell the giver that a gift is going to be 'reserved' until appropriate. But I always try to show my appreciation for the thought behind it. If it were my kid (in my family... lol), I'd tell you that I was going to hold onto it until my son was older. Then if you offered to replace the first gift with something else... I would OFFER the original gift back to you... without you having to ask for it. That's because I would understand your words of "replace it with" to mean that it's an exchange. I give you back the item, and you give me back a different item.

    The fact that your daughter/son did not offer it back... appears to me anyways... that they consider your gift a gift to their family, for anyone to use. See what I mean? They 'heard' you to say that you will give them ANOTHER.. instead of 'replace'.

    I suppose you could say, before you go buy an iTouch... : Just to clarify things, when I said I'd replace it with an iTouch" I meant that IF you give the old iPhone back to me, then I'll replace it". Then that puts the decision ultimately on your daughter/son. Either they give it back, and their son gets an approved electronic device... or they don't give it back.

    I would be overjoyed to have parents as generous and thoughtful as you! Whatever the outcome... you gave a wonderful gift, passing on your older iPhone to someone who could appreciate at least the little 'game' part of it. It's nice to see grandparents helping to teach the 'reuse' and recycle, 'pass it on' concept to the g-kids. Too many people buy new, throw away...

    The whole question of if he's too young, or careless, or if it will get stolen... is moot. The fact is, I want you to adopt ME!!!!! Do you need a 40 something year old grand daughter???? I know you don't have any iPhones, but what about a Featherweight!!??? :mrgreen:

  24. #24
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    Who is paying the Bill?

  25. #25
    Super Member mountain deb's Avatar
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    I would ask for it back so I can deactivate it as a phone and explain why so the child can still play games on it if the parents let him. That is like giving someone a quilt that was lovingly used for a short time and someone liked it so much they were asking for it only then find it out on the back porch.

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