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Thread: Do you get "volunteered" to do things for other people?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Mimito2's Avatar
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    I know I live in Tennessee (THE Volunteer State) but everyone keeps assuming that since I am not working I am available to:
    Babysit
    Run pick up __________
    Go online and find _________
    Deliver ________
    Give me a ride to _________

    I can't get anything accomplished especially sewing. I say NO real loud and it just goes over their head. Any suggestions besides unplug the phone and lock the door?

  2. #2
    Super Member frauhahn's Avatar
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    All the time! Everyone seems to have a sad story. . .

  3. #3
    saf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimito2
    I know I live in Tennessee (THE Volunteer State) but everyone keeps assuming that since I am not working I am available to:
    Babysit
    Run pick up __________
    Go online and find _________
    Deliver ________
    Give me a ride to _________

    I can't get anything accomplished especially sewing. I say NO real loud and it just goes over their head. Any suggestions besides unplug the phone and lock the door?
    Like you, I always seem to be in demand now that I'm retired. I really don't know how I found time to go to work. :lol: :lol: :lol:

  4. #4
    Power Poster QuiltE's Avatar
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    I have a quote that helps keep me grounded ...
    "Saying NO is saying YES to yourself!"


    Maybe it's time for you to set yourself into IGNORE mode, when your saying no, goes over their head, as you said.

    Jumping at their command ... you're sending the wrong message back to them, that you really didn't mean no.


    Remember? NO means NO!
    (and that you are saying YES to yourself!!!)

  5. #5
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    When I quit my job everyone I knew and friends of everyone I knew thought I was the only person that would be free or have the time to do this one thing on short notice, after all I had nothing else I had to do. Babysitting my grand was a joy and I begged to have her everyday! To everyone else I said I don't think I'd enjoy doing that. You'll have to ask someone else.

  6. #6
    Super Member Rosyhf's Avatar
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    I have been retired for 5 years now and I am sooo busy, that no one would dare ask me hahahahhahahaha...I tell my friends that I have a life....and they know it....

  7. #7

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    Something is making you give in...and as long as you keep doing that they will keep asking. You just have to stop doing it. It's not easy to say no and follow through but if people are taking advantage of your good nature - they don't really value you.

    Don't promise to do something, don't tell them you'll think about it, don't give them any reason to think you will do as they ask.

    Eventually they will respect your boundaries - as long as you keep them set.

  8. #8
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Your time is valuable and you can't let other people decide how you spend it.
    If I did that I'd be a very unhappy camper!

  9. #9
    Super Member Weenween's Avatar
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    [Oh yea I sure know what you mean.They holler Arlene can fix it Arlene can do it and ect.]I know I live in Tennessee (THE Volunteer State) but everyone keeps assuming that since I am not working I am available to:
    Babysit
    Run pick up __________
    Go online and find _________
    Deliver ________
    Give me a ride to _________

    I can't get anything accomplished especially sewing. I say NO real loud and it just goes over their head. Any suggestions besides unplug the phone and lock the door?[/quote]

  10. #10
    Super Member SaraSewing's Avatar
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    Not me! I had to learn to say no, and it feels good. When I go to a WalMart (75 miles) I ask coworkers if I can pick up something for them out of courtesy, but no one volunteers me except me!

  11. #11
    Super Member hopetoquilt's Avatar
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    As a working mom of 2, I do as many favors for people as possible so when I am in a pinch, I don't feel badly asking for help. It is a 2 way street. I need help sometime and I think a true friend will help out when I need it just as I do.

    What do you ask of the people for whom you do favors? Ask for something in exchange. Not that they have to pay you but barter for something you need. It is reasonable and they will appreciate more what u do for them.

  12. #12
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimito2
    I know I live in Tennessee (THE Volunteer State) but everyone keeps assuming that since I am not working I am available to:
    Babysit
    Run pick up __________
    Go online and find _________
    Deliver ________
    Give me a ride to _________

    I can't get anything accomplished especially sewing. I say NO real loud and it just goes over their head. Any suggestions besides unplug the phone and lock the door?
    Babysit (None of the grandkids live nearby. But if they did, I tell thier parents we are NOT built in Babysitters. Papa and Nana have a life too.)
    Run pick up _(I require gas money)
    Go online and find __(The computer is right there, you know how to use it)
    Deliver ___(More gas money needed)
    Give me a ride to __(even more gas money is needed)

    The above answers usually take me off the volunteer list. :)

  13. #13
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    No. not really. If i WANT to help out with something I do, otherwise, no.
    I used to get a lot of this "because you're home during the day". yeah, I'm home during the day because I work NIGHTS!! Nothing like some sleep deprivation to make you're "no" have more clout!

  14. #14
    SEW
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    You could schedule time for sewing... for me it is every Tuesday. When people ask me to do stuff for them, including family, church whatever, I say "I'm sorry, I have something going on that day...I'm not available." Works like a charm!

  15. #15
    Super Member AngieS's Avatar
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    Usually my DH is the one volunteering me! UGH! I hate it!
    :evil:

  16. #16
    Senior Member SewMomma66's Avatar
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    Sweetwater, TN. My parents grew up there. My grandma lived there til she passed. My aunt lives in Madisonville. I love that area.

    You may have to get a little nasty to get your point across.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Johanna Fritz's Avatar
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    Learn to say, "I would love to help you and it sounds like fun...but I am afraid that I have too many other commitments right now...thank you for asking. Being the former cop, I had a lot of practice saying "no" to some not nice people. Saying it like the above has always worked for me...when they complain and start to ask again, I just smile and say, "As I said, thank you for asking."

  18. #18
    Super Member Carron's Avatar
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    Maybe if you say to them "Sure I will do______________ for you if you will do______________ for me, because I don't have the time to do both".

    When you do say NO do not feel guilty. No is simply an answer to a question.

  19. #19
    Super Member Kappy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weenween
    [Oh yea I sure know what you mean.They holler Arlene can fix it Arlene can do it and ect.]I know I live in Tennessee (THE Volunteer State) but everyone keeps assuming that since I am not working I am available to:
    Babysit
    Run pick up __________
    Go online and find _________
    Deliver ________
    Give me a ride to _________

    I can't get anything accomplished especially sewing. I say NO real loud and it just goes over their head. Any suggestions besides unplug the phone and lock the door?
    [/quote]
    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Just tell them sure you will...after you finish whatever it is that you are working on at the time...or tell them it may be a day or 2 or 3 before you can get to it. Might dissuade them!

  20. #20
    Super Member CloverPatch's Avatar
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    Babysit: I DON'T babysit, no buts Not going to happen.
    Run pick up....You can do it
    Go online and find ...... computer is over yonder, you got 15 min.
    Deliver : Do I look like I work for the post office?
    Give me a ride to: Give me a Darn good reason, and gas money.

    there is a thin line between being helpful and doing it for them. Ihave no quarrel, they can help themselves.

    I do have the sense, that when living in a community of friends these exchanges are expected and welcomed. I chose not to live in those communities. Im not as friendly as you think I am.

  21. #21
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    I had to learn to say no as I was always 'volunteered' as a child and just assumed that was my lot in life. Some very kind people taught me that it's okay to say no, and I don't need to (always) give a reason. No means No. Unless I want to.

  22. #22
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    I was in the exact same boat as you until my sister taught me four words that work really well. "That doesn't work for me." I'm still not as good at saying No as I should be but putting it the new way sure helps a lot.

  23. #23
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    i don't mind picking up the grandkids at school when they are sick..
    but my neighbor is driving me crazy,wanting me to drive thier daughter to the doctors. the dad,spends alot of time at his cottage,the mom stays home, and doesn't drive.
    i finally am telling her, no, i am busy,can't do it. (she has grown kids that live not far..let them take her)

  24. #24
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    My sister and my DH volunteer me to fix or alter things all the time. The last time my sis did it I charged her friend 20 dollars for altering 2 shirts. Maybe he will not want more done,

  25. #25
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
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    Screen your phone calls and lock the door.

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