A Funny for Today

Old 05-23-2014, 08:57 AM
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Default A Funny for Today


On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring-water, 3 cans of sardines.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ....but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company packed everything to take to their new home .......and to spite the ex-husband; they even took the curtain rods!

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Old 05-23-2014, 09:11 AM
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I just sent this to my Son who is separated again! thanks.
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Old 05-23-2014, 09:44 AM
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Back in the late 70's I worked for an insurance company and one of my cases was for a property that was similar. A property owner rented this cute little house to a young construction worker. The property needed a lot of work so the owner rented it at a severe discount and this guy was going to do some work. I couldn't believe what he did, it was beautiful. He re-did the hard wood floors, painted every room, re-did the kitchen cabinets. The bathroom looked brand new and the tiling was excellent. Just as he got it all done, about 6 months, the owner kicked the guy out, the owner felt he gave the tenant a 30 day notice so the owner felt he had held up his end. If he had hired someone to do all the work it would have been at least $10,000.00 and this was when the rental value was about $250.00 a month. The young man was obviously upset - he finally gets the place where he could relax and enjoy it and he is kicked out. What we believe he did, but no evidence for sure it was him, he pulled out the stove cut the wall put some fish in it, then put the wall back so it look like it had not been removed. It didn't take long for the smell to permeate the little house. The insurance company was called in because it was believed to be vandalism.

The other one I had was similar, but the owner of the property rented the small house to someone willing to do the repairs. When the owner's son got out of prison he evicted the tenants. They repainted the interior of the house pink. Every thing was pink, the floors, the cupboards and walls. It was written in the agreement that the tenants were allowed to repaint using any color they found pleasing. So we could not call it vandalism. But it was interesting. We ended up covering the damage to the floor and the cupboards. The tenants did a professional job - it was just pink. It was hard not to laugh when we were out looking at it.

Last edited by quiltingcandy; 05-23-2014 at 09:47 AM.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:38 AM
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O m g ! ! ! :d
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Old 05-24-2014, 05:34 AM
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Love the pink! LMBO!
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Old 05-24-2014, 07:28 AM
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Have read this before, only the woman was the one who put the shrimp shells in the curtain rods. Funny, either way!
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Old 05-24-2014, 04:35 PM
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I can't blame the people on each of these occasions. Revenge can be sweet! I have always said that I don't get mad, I get even. LOL
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Old 05-25-2014, 02:32 PM
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Ahhh, revenge can be sweet - even if it smells a little!
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