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Thread: Be good to yourself...!

  1. #26
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    I tell people who are "down" and negative- think of one thing you do well or like to do. Count that as blessing #1. Then think of another- oh gee, that's blessing #2- then keep going.

    You find out you have confidence in yourself, you need to wade through all the negatives you've built up around it. I have a Facebook account and I have friends that say they start out their day for my post- always something positive and I try to be funny.

    It's so much easier being positive if you "shoo" away the negatives and don't let them in your life. It takes a conscious effort at first, but you will whittle them away and then the next thing you know- life is truly happy and satisfying! (and the negatives are really not so bad- they are dealt with and shoved aside)

    This week I was overwhelmed (to put it mildly) at work. I thought- I have got to put this in perspective, I know it will work itself out but it was dragging me down. So I wrote- how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So for 2 days I had elephant for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I even said I was then having fish- because I was floundering. I got words of encouragement. And the elephant is done- today was pizza for lunch. haha.

    Barb

  2. #27
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    And you said the magic words! I have had classes for the past 4 1/2 years, took math at least 5 times, and failed every time, so here is one "CAN'T" . Some have told me I just am not well versed in it so let it go! all the math I took and just not able to pass it, I did kick myself a lot, but now , I am feeling much better about it. It is not crippling me, I am setting my sights to other things, oh before I go any further,

    why in the world am I doing quilts??? triangles, squares, circles, etc etc, and I laugh about it ! the formulas and all, thats what messed me up in math!!! still funny to me......... BUT this is more fun! thought I would add that.

  3. #28
    Senior Member kellen46's Avatar
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    [why in the world am I doing quilts??? triangles, squares, circles, etc etc, and I laugh about it ! the formulas and all, thats what messed me up in math!!! still funny to me......... BUT this is more fun! thought I would add that.[/quote]

    It is not that you cannot do math....you do math all the time. It is that the way you were taught was not working. You are obviously a global thinker. We all have different ways of learning, some are linear some are not, unfortunately most classes are taught in only one limited way. When you do math for a quilt you think in terms of the whole and then the parts. So many half square triangles, so many squares then you put it together math wise....four patches to make up one square and so on and so forth. If you had been taught geometry with quilt squares you would have gotten it right away, same with fractions, and so on. I used to work with low IQ residents teaching them living skills. They could all learn, the challenge was for me to teach them in a way they could learn...would that all teachers were able to do so. My oldest son who is very bright is a multi-dyslectic. He had nothing but trouble in school and hated it. I tried to help the school understand he was a kinetic learner and what worked with him but they were not interested in hearing me. He graduated from college with a BA magna cum laude after years of undoing the damage done to him by standard teaching methods. He also acted as a mentor and tutor to other dyslectic college students. There are no can-not's in learning only unsuitable teaching methods. Find your own way and you will do fine.

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarrieAnne
    How does one get confidence, if ANYONE knows, please tell me?!!!
    This sounds silly at first, but believe me, it works. Look at yourself in a mirror, smile and say to yourself: I like you, I LIKE you, I like YOU, I love you. After you giggle the first few times, it makes you feel good inside and better prepared to face the world with confidence. The best part is you'll really start believing and feeling what you're saying. You certainly deserve to love yourself.
    Another way to gain confidence is to "act as if". Before you head into a stressfull situation, visualize yourself handling this situtation with confidence. Then, when you actually enter the situation you'll be better prepared to be confident.

  5. #30
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    We don't use words like stupid and hate in our house. We find less harsh words to substitute. We can dislike something but the only thing we are allowed to hate is sin and the devil.

  6. #31
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    Can you accept a compliment without giving excuses. Lots of women cannot take congratulations. My late husband would tell me just say thank you. If 99.9% of your work is O.K, why mention that little defect. Even Ivory soap was only 99% pure and it is selling well .

  7. #32
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    How to get confidence? First you fake it and eventually it becomes habit.

  8. #33
    Super Member madamekelly's Avatar
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    Has any of you heard the old BS about girls not being good at math? That is what keeps me quilting, just to prove "EXPERTS" wrong! There is not a quilter out there that does not use geometry, daily! "If you can use geometry, you can rule the world!" (Direct quote from my geometry teacher in high school.)

  9. #34
    Super Member IBQUILTIN's Avatar
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    Some things I can do because they need to be done, some things I can do because I want to do them, and some things I can learn to do because I am capable of learning. And I thank God for these things every day

  10. #35
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    I have no problem making fun of myself because...why not? My children do it often. I'm a classic nerd with labcoat and goggles. My self esteem is very healthy, my intelligence has never been in question, and there are many things I can NOT do (walk a tightrope, sit through really LONG meetings with nothing to do). The only time I'm really bummed is when the computer eats something important that I forgot to backup.

    I decided to get in touch with the right side of my brain (I'm very left-brain and linear) and make a quilt. In this process I discovered that I am "color challenged" and heavily patterned designs make it harder. Once I figured that out things improved because I developed strategies to overcome that. I make fun of my mistakes all the time because they are really funny. I can resew the same seam three times, not notice stripes are in the wrong direction, etc. and never notice until later. Goofy, yes, laugh worthy, you bet.

    Nothing is a failure if you learn from mistakes (in engineering this is called a good failure), share a giggle and a smile, eat some chocolate... Sometimes I see bark and not the tree. Not always a bad thing just differently challenged I guess.

  11. #36
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    thanks Kellum46!that sure makes me feel better about me and math!

    Selm; I learned that also," I am".... and so on look in the mirror and say it, if you can't say anything good about anyone(me??) don't say anything at all! and the can't underlined.

  12. #37
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    someone else said something about math,I do know why I have had a hard time in math, when I was growing up, my dad always called me stupid and all the negative words when I did the math, so I have a "block: there for math, anyway the other thing, in the era I was growing up, theres a place for girls, and they weren't to cross the line, the stay at home moms(and please I am not putting you dowen "home moms!)but that was the culture I was raised in, and y'know my brother was a wiz at math(still is), weird! so I let the others do the math, now English thats another story, I am very good in that . I even tried to write some stories. which thats another story, and the ones that hate math?? they are good in English

  13. #38
    Senior Member Cookie64's Avatar
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    I have learned a lot just being on here, thanks ladies.

    Cookie

  14. #39
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarrieAnne
    Kate, good thing to remember. I am very guilty of this, lately, with trying to get a decent job. I CANT go back to school because, you know, wont pass math, BLAH, BLAH. I need confidence, and I NEED to remember this.
    How does one get confidence, if ANYONE knows, please tell me?!!!
    Ah, I am rambleing, firstcup of coffee, lol!
    CarrieAnne, try replacing every negative thought with a positive one, like:

    I went to school before, and I can do it again. It will be more fun since I can do it because I want to and not because I have to.

    I use math every day. I just need to review what I have already learned.

    I'm going to find a great job. I am valuable and have plenty to offer.

    You have found jobs before. You will find one again. Maybe you can approach it like this: You are interviewing THEM to decide if THEY are good enough for you to want to work for them (whoever "them" is).

    I hope this makes sense. I have had to battle though all these things myself. I have learned that I am much more likely to succeed when I believe in myself. Hope this helps. Big Hugs to you.

  15. #40
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lab fairy
    I have no problem making fun of myself because...why not? My children do it often. I'm a classic nerd with labcoat and goggles. My self esteem is very healthy, my intelligence has never been in question, and there are many things I can NOT do (walk a tightrope, sit through really LONG meetings with nothing to do). The only time I'm really bummed is when the computer eats something important that I forgot to backup.

    I decided to get in touch with the right side of my brain (I'm very left-brain and linear) and make a quilt. In this process I discovered that I am "color challenged" and heavily patterned designs make it harder. Once I figured that out things improved because I developed strategies to overcome that. I make fun of my mistakes all the time because they are really funny. I can resew the same seam three times, not notice stripes are in the wrong direction, etc. and never notice until later. Goofy, yes, laugh worthy, you bet.

    Nothing is a failure if you learn from mistakes (in engineering this is called a good failure), share a giggle and a smile, eat some chocolate... Sometimes I see bark and not the tree. Not always a bad thing just differently challenged I guess.

    Well said, Lab fairy. Life got much more pleasant when I learned to laugh at myself.

  16. #41
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychomomquilter
    someone else said something about math,I do know why I have had a hard time in math, when I was growing up, my dad always called me stupid and all the negative words when I did the math, so I have a "block: there for math, anyway the other thing, in the era I was growing up, theres a place for girls, and they weren't to cross the line, the stay at home moms(and please I am not putting you dowen "home moms!)but that was the culture I was raised in, and y'know my brother was a wiz at math(still is), weird! so I let the others do the math, now English thats another story, I am very good in that . I even tried to write some stories. which thats another story, and the ones that hate math?? they are good in English
    Psychomomquilter, you are so right. I remember teachers saying "if you have a question, don't be afraid to ask." Then, when asked a question, ask why you weren't paying attention. I also remember doing homework and my mother telling me to "look it up in the Encyclopedia." Did anyone else ever have to look up math instructions in the encyclopedia? No wonder I still have a mental block when it comes to math. I also did much better in English - hope the English police aren't watching me now. lol

    Psychomomquilter, keep working on those stories. You could be the next Harry Potter type author. :-)

  17. #42
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dsb38327
    Quote Originally Posted by watterstide
    in reguards to quilting..i usually make a "funny" out of my mistakes. they don't worry me..and by posting about them, i hope it makes others feel, that they don't need to be perfect. that they happen in quilting,to all of us (veterans,newbies and thise in between) and they can be fixed,adjusted or made into something else!
    I second what watterstide said. When I say I don't know, I did it wrong, the mistake is, etc. it is a statement of fact and not a put down to myself. Just wait until I post the finished picture of my (Danmar's Swish) Bargello. I love that quilt and I have made sooooo many mistakes while making it. I knew better, just didn't do better. Statement of fact.
    I agree our phycie (how do you spell it?) hears us put ourselves down and over time will/may start believing what it hears. The truth is the truth. Statement of fact is statement of fact. Let's pump ourselves up. My Bargello has taught me that I do know, can remember how or look it up and come out with a beautiful quilt in the end. Somebody is going to care it has bearding, wrinkles in the backing at the sashing, so many rippit spots they are crying out in anguish, that I had to iron adhesive backing on one corner because my temper put tiny holes in the rippit spots. ????? No one cares. I don't care. I love the quilt and I can do it!!!!!! :D :D :D
    That's the way to do it. You go girl!!!

  18. #43
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
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    I just love this group of quilters from all over the world, we help each other out and is so much fun

  19. #44
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Great topic and great responses too. Thanks everyone. Like getting a shot of confidence. I had a shorthand teacher in high school who used to say "Can't never could do anything." Never forgot that. I also struggled horribly with math - but took it as a college course and passed. Not such a big deal to some, but it was huge to me.

    Also, a very nice lady once told me about a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I don't remember the author, but the contents of that book changed my life. I highly recommend it.

  20. #45
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    You are so right! One thing that I really love about this board is that people are so positive. If someone is having problems or is just down everyone here responds with encouragement. If we could just transfer this to the schools, the kids would all have a better self image.

  21. #46
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    For those with a math block... you just didn't meet the right instructor. My husband took College Algebra 5 times before he passed (his K-12 education was... eh). The man has two degrees and one is in Physics with a minor in math. Never let something stop you from doing what you want to do. He thinks geometry is a breeze. I'm just the opposite. I got the pity grade in geometry (my minor is also in math) but love Algebra. Between the two of us, we make one math person. Isn't it great how people can complete one another?

    I am as my daughter describes "disturbingly linear". Quilting has been an interesting experience. Measurement, calculation and understanding the mechanics is a breeze but (sigh) color. It will eat my lunch every time. I just look at it as part of the amusement. Like today when I put together a block and somehow the ghosts were upside down on one of the blocks. I didn't notice until I took the picture. Somehow it ALWAYS shows up in the picture. At least this time I noticed before I mailed it.

  22. #47
    a regular here dljennings's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarrieAnne
    Kate, good thing to remember. I am very guilty of this, lately, with trying to get a decent job. I CANT go back to school because, you know, wont pass math, BLAH, BLAH. I need confidence, and I NEED to remember this.
    How does one get confidence, if ANYONE knows, please tell me?!!!
    Ah, I am rambleing, firstcup of coffee, lol!
    you fake it til you make it... and suddenly, you will have the confidence you want...

  23. #48
    Senior Member kellen46's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lab fairy
    For those with a math block... you just didn't meet the right instructor. My husband took College Algebra 5 times before he passed (his K-12 education was... eh). The man has two degrees and one is in Physics with a minor in math. Never let something stop you from doing what you want to do. He thinks geometry is a breeze. I'm just the opposite. I got the pity grade in geometry (my minor is also in math) but love Algebra. Between the two of us, we make one math person. Isn't it great how people can complete one another?

    I am as my daughter describes "disturbingly linear". Quilting has been an interesting experience. Measurement, calculation and understanding the mechanics is a breeze but (sigh) color. It will eat my lunch every time. I just look at it as part of the amusement. Like today when I put together a block and somehow the ghosts were upside down on one of the blocks. I didn't notice until I took the picture. Somehow it ALWAYS shows up in the picture. At least this time I noticed before I mailed it.
    Lets face it, we all have our easies and our hard to do. However that should never be an excuse to beat ourselves up as stupid or not good enough. Easy is, well easy, get past it and revel in challenging the hard to do. Some of us are linear learners, some kinetic, others are global. I say all together it makes us stronger. Learning is a joy and always a surprise. We make quilts which is math on several levels but if we make a mistake in balancing the check book we stop and say we can not do math. It is all about self perception and the script we sell ourselves. What would this world be like if we all just wrote ourselves a better script.

  24. #49
    Super Member BrendaB's Avatar
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    Well said :-)

  25. #50
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    I am humbled and thankful by your reminder. I say this to others all the time and must remember to appy to self. Thanks.

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