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Thread: Have you ever wanted "permission" to - -

  1. #1
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    Have you ever wanted "permission" to - -

    Not finish a project that someone gave you?

    But you felt sort of an obligation to "do something" with the "gift"?

    And lots of "guilt" for wanting it to go away?

  2. #2
    Super Member cashs_mom's Avatar
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    At one time I would have. Now I'm good at saying "Thank you so much for thinking of me" when I receive a gift without feeling that I have to use it. Someone thought enough to give me a gift. What I do with it doesn't matter that much to me.
    Patrice S

  3. #3
    Super Member orangeroom's Avatar
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    I've not been in that place, as of yet. How much time and effort would need to go into it, in order to finish it? Would it be a waste of time and effort? Could you donate it? Either to a child, charity, senior citizen home, women's shelter? It might be worth it, to finish it. So you can get it out of your home...
    Go forth and sew!

  4. #4
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    When I was younger, I probably would have felt very guilty if someone gave me a quilt or other project to finish whether it was to finish for them or to finish and find a home for it. I'm in my 70's now and I don't feel the need to accept everything others want to give me. I 'm fine saying, "Thank you for thinking of me but I have too many other things I want to do and can't possibly add any more items to my list." I know I should be able to just say, NO, but I feel that that would be taken as rudeness by many in my family or circle of friends.

  5. #5
    Super Member madamekelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
    Not finish a project that someone gave you?

    But you felt sort of an obligation to "do something" with the "gift"?

    And lots of "guilt" for wanting it to go away?
    Keep in mind that most "gifted" unfinished quilts are only gifted because someone else got bored or frustrated with it. Giving it to you releases them from the burden and and makes it yours. I do not see that as a gift, I see it as an offer. With an offer, you are free to say no. I have enough trouble finishing what I start, finishing what another has begun is even worse to me. Offer it to the local gold to be finished for charity, or throw it out. You have my permission. Now doesn't' that make you feel more relaxed?
    If you always do, what you have always done, The results never change. Change is the wings you give yourself.

  6. #6
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by madamekelly View Post
    Keep in mind that most "gifted" unfinished quilts are only gifted because someone else got bored or frustrated with it. Giving it to you releases them from the burden and and makes it yours. I do not see that as a gift, I see it as an offer. With an offer, you are free to say no. I have enough trouble finishing what I start, finishing what another has begun is even worse to me. Offer it to the local gold to be finished for charity, or throw it out. You have my permission. Now doesn't' that make you feel more relaxed?
    Excellent response.
    sandy
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  7. #7
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    Life's too short to spend working on something you don't like. If you belong to a guild, how about putting it on the "free" table? Several of our members do that, and these half-done projects get snapped right up. And you also have my permission to throw it away!!

  8. #8
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    I'm a single retired adult. I don't require "permission" for anything.
    Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been............David Bowie

  9. #9
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    Yes. i have one right now that was given to me. i want to finish it but i have lot's of other projects going. The person eho gave it to me keeps asking when am I going to get it finished. I figure that if it was that important she should have kept it and finished it. I never asked for the project. it will get done when I am ready to do it.
    Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind see.
    mark Twain

  10. #10
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    "Keep in mind that most "gifted" unfinished quilts are only gifted because someone else got bored or frustrated with it. Giving it to you releases them from the burden and and makes it yours. I do not see that as a gift, I see it as an offer. With an offer, you are free to say no. I have enough trouble finishing what I start, finishing what another has begun is even worse to me. Offer it to the local gold to be finished for charity, or throw it out. You have my permission. Now doesn't' that make you feel more relaxed?"

    What Madame Kelly said .... Perfect!

  11. #11
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    I just say, "No thank you". I have done that several times because I just didn't want to finish someone's catastrophe. If it weren't a catastrophe they would not be giving it away. It might easy their guilt but I don't want to do it. Sometimes, I am willing to suggest ways to fix the problem- but I don't want to do it!

  12. #12
    Super Member Wanabee Quiltin's Avatar
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    I have been 'offered' to fix many quilts that were vintage for people I barely know. I can say No real fast. I don't find it a problem to be honest with anyone.

  13. #13
    Super Member Boston1954's Avatar
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    Many years ago, but not any more. My mother once gave me a bunch of stuff she lost interest in. I have enough of my own that are UFO's.
    Life is not a movie. No one is going to yell "CUT" when you make a mistake. - Anne L. Fulton

    I am from the South....39 miles south of Boston.

  14. #14
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    I do not like to finish someone else's work and would say thanks but no thanks. Maybe add that I have more of my own UFO's than I can handle.

  15. #15
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    yes! i used to get gifts of junk fabric. "I don't know what to do with it, so i thought you'd like it" Yeah, but i don't want your junk. I always had a hard time saying no. Now i just say i don't have room.
    put off till tomorrow what you can do today, and if you procrastinate long enough, you may never have to do it.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Cactus Stitchin's Avatar
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    I have not been gifted any quilting projects so I cannot speak to that. Since I quilt, machine embroider, and sew garments my daughter seems to think I am the perfect person to do her mending or tailor her husbands slacks because the crotch fits too low on him. I have had not problem saying no as I simply don't want to do her mending. The first couple times I told her I would show her how and she did not make herself available to learn, so I no longer make even that offer.

  17. #17
    Super Member coopah's Avatar
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    I had a friend gift me with a complicated pattern. Don't remember if there was fabric to do it, but I gave that away as soon as possible. It wasn't anything I could use or wanted to make. I felt no guilt...my time is my time and I need to use it my way, not someone else's way. The only obligation I feel is to be gracious as I accept the gift and then it's mine to do with as I wish.

    Edited to add: I give gift cards to places I know the recipient frequents. Win-win. Except for my son and his wife...I do buy them things I think they'd use and like. But I heard about that...and will start sending gift cards to them, too. They live in a small place, so don't have room for a lot of "stuff."
    Last edited by coopah; 06-19-2017 at 05:08 AM.
    "A woman is like a tea bag-you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

  18. #18
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    I'm very good at saying "Thanks for thinking of me, but no thank you."

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    Quote Originally Posted by orangeroom View Post
    I've not been in that place, as of yet. How much time and effort would need to go into it, in order to finish it? Would it be a waste of time and effort? Could you donate it? Either to a child, charity, senior citizen home, women's shelter? It might be worth it, to finish it. So you can get it out of your home...
    I have a better way. Don't even bring it home. NOT my problem.
    Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been............David Bowie

  20. #20
    Senior Member Diannia's Avatar
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    All my friends and acquaintances know I quilt. Many have "gifted" me w/fabric and UFO's from family members that have passed. I have started letting them know I will keep what I want and will use and will forward the rest to others that will use them or donate to a Goodwill type place. I ask if that's ok and if so then I take the fabric and if not I think them for thinking of me and decline the offer. I've learned the hard way to take things w/the vague thought that I'd return the "favor" by doing something for them.

    As for the "permission" part of getting rid of things I've had to VERBALLY tell myself I have permission to get rid of specific things. Once I started doing this it's gotten easier to let things go...
    I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!

  21. #21
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    I have had projects given to me in the past. As they were gifts I felt no guilt, remorse or dire need (lol) to start or finish right away.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)

  22. #22
    Super Member ube quilting's Avatar
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    If someone gives me something it is mine to do with what I want. They have no holds or terms of agreement in passing something on to another person.

    I have a friend who used to do this all the time, As in "I'll give you this fabric but you have to promise to use it, and use this pattern too." That is not giving or gifting. That is a control issue. She doesn't control me any more.

    Once I give something to someone, it is theirs to do with what they want.

    peace
    no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Aesop

  23. #23
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    I still sort of cringe when I see someone post something like -

    My grandma's aunt gave these blocks to my grandma, and then my grandma gave them to my mother, and my mother gave them to me - I hate them - but they were from family - what should I do with them?

  24. #24
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    And the answer is "dump them at Goodwill".
    Ageing is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been............David Bowie

  25. #25
    Power Poster sewbizgirl's Avatar
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    What is the circumstance under which you accepted the 'gift project'? Were you asked to finish it for someone, with or without compensation? If it didn't appeal to you then you should have said 'no, thank you' at the time of the attempted gifting. Why would you take something you didn't want to do?

    If you took it with great intentions and later changed your mind, you can always give it back and say you just really are not finding the time to work on it. End of story.

    Or is there some sort of control issue under which you accepted the 'gift'? In any case, if it's causing you guilt, get rid of it.
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