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Quote:

Originally Posted by sisLH

I need your help.
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?

Life is about learning--the good and the bad. You are helping your GS understand that all actions have consequences--at least at your house! Good for you--wish more people took the "flack" and did what was right to teach the child. :thumbup:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qbee

Why did you get flack?? I mean, what was their complaint??

too strong of reprimand

Maybe that person needs the strong reprimand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoyoteQuilts

Nope, tough love is just that----tough! My thought is always---what is this child going to do when he get to be an adult with kids of their own??? How are they going to be able to be able to work with others? etc.....

That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.

Excellent question - it is a major difficulty for some children to understand appropriate ways to respond to their unexpected emotion of anger. It is wise to never allow the anger response to avoid the behavior consequence itself. These are two separate issues - and, for the sake of the child, both should be addressed. I think we have another grandma here that cares enough and knows enough to help her grandchild learn. The rest of the family should value that, and will suffer the consequences if they ignore it.

nope, it's your house and your loss. good for you!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DebraK

I think you made a very fair consequence for his actions. It's not like you mindlessly spanked the child or ignored his misdeed. There was a lesson attached.

This was my thought also.

Edited to say: Your house, your rules. That's the way it was with my boys and their Grandma. She was better at it than I was! I always thanked her.

At our house he would have had to pay some cash from his piggy bank and work off the rest by doing chores. Children who get away with this kind of stuff learn that it is ok to do this to others who are smaller or weaker and that is not how we raise responsible caring adults. This is a wonderful lesson to teach your grandson and you should have had 100% back-up from his parents.

I think you did great. If your family gives you flack maybe you could ask them how they would feel if you broke something of importance of theirs, on purpose, just because you were mad. Would they expect you to pay for a replacement or would they just shrug their sholders and say oh well. Children need to learn everyone has choices. Those choices have consequences which can be positive, or as in your case, negative.

I would have given him a choice - pay for brother's toy (and he would NOT be getting the money back!!) or one of his favorite toys would "disappear".
I guess that would be hard to do as a GP, however. The parents should be stepping up.

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. I too am wondering what the five year old's involvement was and whether the anger , albeit not the action, on the eight year old's part was justified.