I need your help.
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?

Why did you get flack?? I mean, what was their complaint??

I think you made a very fair consequence for his actions. It's not like you mindlessly spanked the child or ignored his misdeed. There was a lesson attached.

I think what you did was fine...too many kids don't learn that they have to take responsibility for their actions. Don't know what the flack was about from the family, but if the parents weren't going to hold him accountable you did the right thing.

I think you did the right thing. The 8-year-old needs to learn that all actions have consequences, both good and bad.

as long as when you explained it to him you were not angry I see no problem with this - when my kids were younger I took a parenting class and this was one way to handle a difficult situation - for every action there is a reaction . And a nice way to teach the child the value of money - he is not too young to understand that it takes work to earn money and money to pay for things .

It sounds like what I would have done. I see no problem.

My 22 yo has no concept of money. That is our fault for not teaching her at your GS's age. Good job Gramma. Keep up the good work.

IMHO, parents who do not teach their children that there are consequences for their actions (bad and good) are doing their children a grave disservice and eventually releasing irresponsible adults into society who have a misguided sense of entitlement.

What you did was perfectly acceptable and hopefully a good life lesson. I simply can not understand parents who think their children should not be disciplined in any way.

I think you were lenient - I would have taken him & his piggy bank to the store, have him find the cost of the item & buy it for his brother. If his bank didn't have enough, then I'd have him then 'work' to earn the difference.

Kids need consequences that fit their actions - like the sign in some stores: 'if you break it, you buy it!'

You should be proud of yourself It is time someone in this world started teaching their children to take responsibility for their actions and respect for other peoples property. The family should feel blessed that you cared enough for your grandchildren to teach them right from wrong. Thank You for giving me hope that some of todays children will learn to grow up good responsible people.

You were so right for doing that. Sounds to me that if you caught flack for this then they are probably letting him get away with bad behavior and that's not right.

At the age of 8, he knew exactly what he was doing. Teaching him that there are consequences is a good thing. Teaching him that he needs to be financially responsible for his actions is a good thing too! :D:D:D

No not a extreme strong punishment, and I would support you completely in your decision. You are correct, he does need to know that he is responsible for his actions, and he is old enough to understand that. He also will understand now that for every action, there is an equal reaction.

Great lesson you are teaching him.

You made the consequence, fair, just, comprehendable, & you did it with love. Bravo Grandma!

I see no problem with what you did.... in fact I just did the same thing with my 6 year old. He broke is 18 month old sisters musical snow globe just because he wanted to see how hard he had to push the globe part before it broke. Don't ask me what made him think to do that, but I just told him that since he broke it he is to replace it. Not that I won't give him his money back also, but he will now think before he is careless and breaks things next time.

Nope, tough love is just that----tough! My thought is always---what is this child going to do when he get to be an adult with kids of their own??? How are they going to be able to be able to work with others? etc.....

That said, what created the anger in the first place? That needs to be understood and addressed also.

I think you did the right thing. There are too many parents and greandparents that are not teaching their children right from wrong and that there are consequences for your actions (good or bad). Stand firm in your beliefs and convictions.

I agree with everyone else that you were fair and responsible. It's not like you pitched a fit and told him how horrible he was. You gave him consequences and even a choice for how to correct the problem. I think you did a great job. I feel sorry for his parents who at 8 aren't teaching him consequences or financial responsibility. Now is the ideal time! They will pay the price for that later when he is a teen and doesn't understand why taking a razor to his $50 jeans is not a bad thing.
You did great!

What did you was very fair and in line with teaching the concept of fairness. You should not be getting any flak for this!

Life is about learning--the good and the bad. You are helping your GS understand that all actions have consequences--at least at your house! Good for you--wish more people took the "flack" and did what was right to teach the child. :thumbup:

too strong of reprimand

Maybe that person needs the strong reprimand.

Excellent question - it is a major difficulty for some children to understand appropriate ways to respond to their unexpected emotion of anger. It is wise to never allow the anger response to avoid the behavior consequence itself. These are two separate issues - and, for the sake of the child, both should be addressed. I think we have another grandma here that cares enough and knows enough to help her grandchild learn. The rest of the family should value that, and will suffer the consequences if they ignore it.

nope, it's your house and your loss. good for you!!!

This was my thought also.

Edited to say: Your house, your rules. That's the way it was with my boys and their Grandma. She was better at it than I was! I always thanked her.

At our house he would have had to pay some cash from his piggy bank and work off the rest by doing chores. Children who get away with this kind of stuff learn that it is ok to do this to others who are smaller or weaker and that is not how we raise responsible caring adults. This is a wonderful lesson to teach your grandson and you should have had 100% back-up from his parents.

I think you did great. If your family gives you flack maybe you could ask them how they would feel if you broke something of importance of theirs, on purpose, just because you were mad. Would they expect you to pay for a replacement or would they just shrug their sholders and say oh well. Children need to learn everyone has choices. Those choices have consequences which can be positive, or as in your case, negative.

I would have given him a choice - pay for brother's toy (and he would NOT be getting the money back!!) or one of his favorite toys would "disappear".
I guess that would be hard to do as a GP, however. The parents should be stepping up.

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. I too am wondering what the five year old's involvement was and whether the anger , albeit not the action, on the eight year old's part was justified.

When my kids were little and fought over match box cars, and I was driving, I would have them hand it to me. I would throw it out the window! Now nobody could fight over it. I only had to do that maybe 2 times, but they needed to learn either get along or it is gone. I have 3 boys.

When they got older, they had to respect each others things. If they broke or took something, they had to replace or give it back.

DS #1 failed 2 classes in his 7th grade year by 2 points. WHY? He wouldn't do his homework! He got a job doing hay work and had to help pay for his summer courses. We didn't fail, he did, and he learned real quick that it all costs something.

We weren't being too hard, we were teaching them that either the play by the rules or they have to pay. Middle son got caught with cigs on school property. He had to go to court and had to pay $162 fine. He paid it, not us. He didn't do that again!

None of our boys have ever been in real trouble, they work and understand that in life you have to take responsibility for you actions.

You did the right thing as far as I am concerned.

You did the right thing. An 8 year old does understand about money, but why was he so angry? Family may need to show him acceptable ways of dealing with emotions.

i think you did the right thing i do the same thing with my boys good job.. maybe next time he will stop to think what is this going to cost me..

Absolutely!

I agree you did the right thing. I did the same thing with my son when he threw away something of his brothers out of anger. Only I made him go to the bank, withdraw the money from his account, go to the store, and replace the toy himself, even to the point of handing it over and apologizing. I am sorry your family thought you were too harsh. I think you were not harsh at all and hopefully he learned a lesson.

Heres a couple questions for ya, were the children at your house? were the children in your care and custody at the time of the anger outburst that resulted in the toy being broke?

If this offence was done in your home or while the children were in your care then it is your choice as to punishment for the actions the child took.
However.... When my children are at my house, and in my care they are MY responsibility. If one of my children were to break a toy that belonged to one of the other children whether I got them that toy or another member of the family or even a stranger did, it would be MY place to deal with it in a manner that I seen fit. NOT the person who got the child the toy or another member of the family that might have been around at the time. Or heard about the situation of their "gift" at a later date!

A mollycottled child turns into a spoild rotten adult. Who needs them.

My 5 yo broke a head band same thing I made him pay for it. My mom made him pay they need to learn this is not ok. Just because he is an 8yo does not mean he has no consiquences (sp?) He will remember this my son does and has not broken any of his sisters things since.

My late husband was a corrections officer in a prison. He said that 90% of the inmates were there because they would not take responsibility for their actions. I think you did the right thing....keep up the good work. :thumbup:

I think you did the right thing. If the parents don't teach him and it sounds like they don't/won't, then who will? All children have to be taught what is right or wrong or what is acceptable behavior, and what he did, isn't acceptable.