Dear Gwyn,

I know everyone here and myself included cannot express the sorrow that we feel for you and your family during this sad time. I know how it is to be confronted with the decisions of letting one go when there is truly no more that can be done, having the family help in the decision is good, as hard as it is, everyone will come together and accept the means to an end. I had to help in that decision with my mother 10 yrs ago and hard as it was, it was the right decision.

I will be thinking of you and your family and sending prayers of strength and healing.

My heartfelt sorrow,
Sharon

Lovely poem Panther Creek.

Beautiful poem Panther!
Gwyn,
I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your dear Randy. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this very trying and sorrowful time. I am here if ever you should need anything!
Hugs
April

Actually, no they don't. If one family member wants heroic measures, the hospital must provide them, unless a court order is given to uphold the wishes of the sick person. That is why it is so important to discuss your desires with your family as early as possible. People must have a chance to consider how they feel, and how they will handle the consequences. It is hard to say "Let them die." It is easier to say "Don't let them suffer." We need to become more effective in discussing end of life stuff. We have gotten very familiar with discussing birth, conception, birth control, etc. As a culture, we need to work on being open with the subject of death.

Gwyn, in the state of Texas (and other's I'm sure), if a person signs their advance directive and states they do NOT want heroic measures, BY LAW, the family cannot change that, even if the person becomes unconscious. That being said, many physicians and hospitals will do it anyhow, but it is not legal (at least here). In any case, it is the legal next of kin, or the person designated in the power of attorney for health care that the hospital will listen to. So, for instance, if you said no heroics for Randy but your kids didn't agree, the hospital would have to abide by your wishes, not your kids, because you are the legal next of kin, unless he had designated someone else. Even if the closest relatives are the kids, and they don't all agree, then (at least in all the institutions I've worked in) majority rules. They don't all have to agree.

This culture of being afraid of death is something new. It used to be that people died at home in their beds (from whatever cause) and the body was laid out at home. So people were familiar with the dying process and knew it was a natural process. Now with all the technology, people die in hospitals, and people are unfamiliar with (and thus afraid of) the whole process. And of course, people watch TV programs like ER and House, which have absolutely nothing to do with real life, but people think they are real.

Not me, I only watch true stories or HGTV,DIY and some entertaining shows on one of the PBS stations.
If my kids want to spend their future money have a funeral,memorial service after i'm dead I guess I'll let them. They are pretty practical, so I doubt it. I could come back and haunt them.

I don't want to argue. The RN taking care of Randy told us that if we didn't all agree, they had to provide heroic measures until the matter could be settled in court or that person changed their mind. We live in Utah. I am sorry I spoke like a know-it-all, but that is what we were told. I do apologize. Be sure to check with your state's rules and do what you can. Gwyn

Yeah, I think it does depend on where you live. Like here, it's not the will that is "law" it's what is in Trust. I don't know what the difference is... but my grandfather said he is going to leave the building in trust so that we can't fight over it... He said he doesn't want a repeat of what happened with him when his mother passed. He had relatives from Poland fighting him for the building...

Also, if you have one person designated as your power of attorney who can make a final decision whether the family agrees or not... but that too varies by state I believe.

Oh Gwyn, I didn't mean to sound as if I were arguing--I apologize if I did. You are absolutely right, every state is different, and I know that Utah has some really uh, conservative laws. And I do want to point out that I strongly suspect that nurse was either wrong, or that particular hospital's policy was "different". Either way, I absolutely support your decision, and understand it was a very difficult one. If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know. Hugs.

My thoughts are with you at this very sad time. Be strong