While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,
"Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I was curious, so I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned,
"Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on
this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two
4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag."
Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said,
"Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so
you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part
of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.

Are we upset?"


And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!

Oh my! But I'd have done the same thing! lol

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. thank goodness it was a female judge!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

roflol husband thinks i`v go crazy

So funny! They'd have have me up for murder.

That is tooo funny!!! Loved it!

Ditter43, Loved this. thank you for making me smile today. I messed seeing you on here. How all is well with you.

I can only imagine.... lol

-------------------
No, buddy, you can't image it unless you mentally put a totally masculine part of your body in that same spot. I can imagine that, you standing on tippy toe, unable to free yourself and watching folks walking past the open door and slowing down to peer into the room, and then that little twit comes in twittering about lunch...................

THEN you can say you know what she was talking about!! I would have been arrested for attempted murder!!!

Omg, that is hilarious!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!

Well done Ditter!! That's a classic!!!! Nice to see you around again!! Hope you are on top form again!!

hahahaha~ Love it!

Oh Ditter...how I love the funnies that you post!!!
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Naomi

GOOD ONE DITTER GLAD YOU BACK

Glad to see you! Missed ur funnies! Hope ur ok!!

to funny!

This is what I was thinking too Justifiable Homicide

I'd have done more than that to her. lol Barb Hi Ditter

Oh, Ditter. That is tooooooo funny. Thanks for the laughter (smile).

That's a real good one!

Too funny!!! Have missed your posts and glad you're back. Hope all is well with you, Ditter!!!

Love it! :lol:

Oh, I enjoyed that one Ditter. Glad your back. Hope you are doing well.

Thank you Ditter for another good laugh! We have missed you and pray that all is well ~

ROFL! That was so funny it had me in tears! Thanks again Ditter!

Ditter, this is so good!

I've missed you. Was beginning to worry about you. Have you been OK??? I need a daily dose of Ditter!

We really do depend on you Ditter! I know you can't set aside everything in your life for the board but you sure do make our day when you are here.

Thanks so much for the laughs! Where do you find these?

Loved your story. How right you are. May also want to add that when your are put at their mercy (being held hostage in the" device) they have the nerve to say "DON'T BREATH" so the picture can be taken. I can't breath for fear of ripping one of my girls off.

Oh, Ditter, you are good medicine!!

LOL!

I have come that close when in the device they forgot to put the film in.!!!

This was a good one.

Ditter ... you are the best! I was wondering where you were; hope all is well.

I look forward to your posts. They have all made me laugh.

Reminds me of the chatty lady doing my mamogram one time. I am all squeezed in the machine and she is talking. I finally said "shut up and take the pictue". Then she said wait outside and we will see if it took. I said NO I am out of here. I am sorry but I do not think we need tests that make tears run down your face. Take care.
Linda

I actually had that happen to me but I didn't hurt the tech.

I was with the poor woman at "perky little girl"! Any other place fine, mammogram, ob appt, or when you are in labor, NOT!

Too funny!!!!

Sheeee's Baaaack! Thanks Ditter! While funny, I am now holding my chest as for some reason it started to hurt a bit....