My family always reminds me of things I am saying incorrectly....

1. As my hubby and I are travellling home & going through Reno... I said, "That casino is closed. They turned them into Condoms!" (instead of Condos)

2. Once I was telling a story about a commotion with police that occurred.... "She was on teh ground and they had her hubcapped! (not handcuffed).

It is always me and not the other family members. but I keep them laughing!!!

I am dyslexic so I have a real problem in saying words as I have a habit of trying to 'see' the word first. Sometimes that works and sometimes it gets really crazy.

I can remember my oldest son as a baby seeing a truck-he subbed 'f' for t and dropped the 'r'. My mother was NOT impressed.

I am sure she means the touch pad on the laptop instead of using the mouse. I hate the touchpad and use a wireless mouse for my laptop. lol

If you can't say aluminum, do what I do and call it tin foil :-)

When my oldest was small, she called a rubber band a 'la lum" and Pepsi was 'depish'. She wanted a 'gummer' It turned into our family's word for hamburger. When friends heard it, they started using it also. 45+ years later the family still says 'gummer' or 'hot gummer' if they want a hot dog. :)

there are a lot of little ones who substitute for truck, it is usually the way they make their sounds. anyway, little kids can be so cute. my daughter used to run around the house naked after her bath, which annoyed her dad to pieces. I told her to stop running around the house naked and she looked up at me and said, "but Mom, I'll walk". i just about lost it laughing at her. also threatened to put it in reader's digest....

My Grandpa would mix up sayings and I have a hard time remembering how they really are. (Unfortunately they are in German and don't translate).
DH suggested that we should put a crouton in the guest room when we were remodeling. I asked him if plain was good enough or if the cheese and herb type would be better. Since then we put foutons on our salad and sleep on croutons. He also got really confused when the waiter at a nice restaurant asked him if he should bring a caraffe of wine. I answered the waiter no. When the waiter left Pat asked me why the waiter wanted to bring him a giraffe. We still laugh about that one too.

I learned English as a second language so I had some confusion with words. I kept telling people that I douched twice a day (thinking that "douche" equals "duschen/to shower") There were many pink faces and NOBODY told me.
In the same vein, I got up one night when the neighbor's rooster was crowing under our window at 2 in the morning to go over there and get that rooster sorted out. What I told my DH when he asked where I was going was "I'm gonna tell that neighbor that I'm going to choke his chicken. Pat did explain why that wasn't a good idea. lol

When we were running late, my Dad would hurry us along by saying "We ought to be halfway to Omaha by now!" Didn't matter where we were going but that was the expression to hurry up. It came from his childhood living on a farm when his father would hurry the boys to load the wagon to take produce to the market in Omaha, Tx. It just became the family saying for "hurry up". The funny part about it is that my husband, who is from South America, picked up the saying without knowing any of the family history. He just thinks it's an American idiom.

And in a reverse idiom usage, my husband has always used a South American expression when fed up or frustrated that roughly translates to "I'm just going to tie my head and leave." I have no idea what the "tie my head" part means but I've used that expression for the past 40 years.

Our family had called them 'beet selts' ever since our 3 year old son did. He's 48 now and still callingthem that.

Here's a few:
My DS used to be quite destructive when he was little so my dad would say "that boy could tear up an anvil"
When asked what he was doing by inquisitive kids he would say nunya, what's that? nunya business
MIL would say about bike riding, that's just working your legs to give your lazy a** a ride.
DS & DD 2 yr old twins, she would say at noon "come on bubby, the young and the rest of us is on.