Thank you for your responses. I was getting really worried about how I was going to manage both. Since I will not be attending the wedding I will not worry about a wedding gift and just go to shower and get a shower gift. The shower is being hosted by our place of business so cannot be absent from it.

Have a great evening all,

It seems the bride is breaking some of etiquette rules. Can we say "high maintenance?" Do what you want and give what you can and want? Don't worry about it.

Oh NO, too controlling for me. LOL!

I'll send a shower or wedding, not both.

If you are not attending the wedding, no gift is necessary. As for the shower gift - give what you can, not what she expects. If she doesn't like it - too bad! She seems rude and self-centered and you're worried about doing the right thing? I wouldn't worry about a thing!

only send on gift...Or if the office is giving the shower I would do a gift for that..

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This is to be held at your place of work, and she has the nerve to tell you what to wear? Boy, I've never met anyone with that sort of nerve. Your boss might have something to say about that.
And anyone crude enough to order you to spend a lot on her gift, well, she'd get what I wanted to give her and nothing else. Ask what the others in the office are giving her, but that doesn't mean you have to equal or top theirs.

Just thank God she's not marrying into YOUR family!!

My understanding is that if you do not attend you are not obligated to give a gift. However, if it's family, i usually do to avoid hard feelings. But i only give what I can afford.

Wow she has already violated all etiquette rules with her demands and then to be forced to go to the shower because it is at work!!! I think I would come down with something that day.

I might be the one with the bad etiquette on this one but, I got a wedding invite today that I couldn't understand and don't plan on sending any gift. Sisters stepdaughter whom I saw once in passing and have never spoken to. Seem like it gotten so some people send invites to anyone they can think of to receive gifts

Thanks everyone. I am feeling a lot better about the gift dilema now. I will go to the shower and get a shower gift. I will RSVP that I am not attending the wedding and forget about it. Whew!!! That's a load off my mind. LOL

This girl is young in more ways than one and really needs a few life lessons. She was angry at her MIL and FIL to be because at Christmas they put things like bath beads and such in her stocking. According to her what should be in your Christmas stocking is jewelry or some such things. Poor, poor girl and poor, poor husband to be.