Is it proper and are you expected to send a wedding gift if you are invited to a wedding. I will be going to the shower but not the wedding. This girl has made it known that she does not want little things (read not expensive) for her shower. She has made a list of what she wants. I cannot afford both a wedding gift and a shower gift plus the wedding requires a couple of hours travel to attend. Please tell me what is the accepted custom. Thanks,

Sounds kind of rude and demanding to EXPECT big shower gifts :hunf: Sorry Any chance you can go in with a couple people to make the gift more affordable and still meet up with her expectations ?

As for the wedding it all depends - if it is a close person and I truly can't make the wedding I send a card anyways with a small gift , other wise if you are not attending the wedding you are not obligated to send a gift - in fact a gift should not even be expected for the wedding. many at my sons wedding gave nothing but the kids were thrilled that the people showed up , felt that was the gift - the gift of their presence ( Not present) at their special affair

It really depends on if this is a close family member or not.

This is a girl I work with. Do not socialize with her or see her other than at work. Still even wonder why I recieved an invitation. BTW - her wedding invitation also suggested proper attire and which colors she preferred you wear!!

I only do if going....I only go to shower if I am good friends with the bride...or groom. and I am not a big spender...25.00 to 50.00 is all I give

Unfortunately you have come in contact with a girl who had poor upbringing. I'm sorry if you are related but I call them as I see them. I have run into a few of these types myself, & I figure they only invited me to the wedding for the gift, not to share the beauty of the day. In this case I always give the bride only what I can afford-no matter what she has expressed! I also do not feel your presence or your present will be appreciated for the wedding. Do only what you can afford!!!!

OMG! She really is a case!

I believe etiquette rules are that you do not have to give a gift at the wedding if you gave one at the shower.

And you're worried about etiquette??????????? :D

I would respectfully decline both invitations. It seems she is only a work acquaintance, not a friend. Sounds like a "gimme pig" to me (looking for gifts, and expensive ones at that.)