Garden Gnome

Wow, some sad stories here. And ptquilts, your reasoning is very thoughtful.
My mother used to put it off on Dad to do the spanking. "You just wait till your dad gets home!" I bet he hated coming home to that!

b.zang

Spankings held a place in traditional cultures where they understood the role of spanking in a parent-child interaction. We are transformed by tears and transformation builds resiliency because we learn we can live without. The spanking was a quick way to bring a child to tears but those tears were always shed in the presence of the parent. We have lost our wisdom about spanking and use the same word to describe beatings, abuse, or any other hitting done in anger. As a society, we can no longer allow adults to hit children. On the other hand, it is much less psychologically damaging than time-outs, which are absolutely barbaric. Imagine how you would feel if your spouse or best friend used time-outs on you to make you comply.

Onebyone

A few swats on the bottom gets the child's attention. That is a spanking to most parents and should only be that. Beating, slapping, or verbal is child abuse.

ptquilts

Yes, but how would you feel if they HIT you to express their displeasure?

Endora

I enjoyed reading everyone's additions to the conversation. As with so many things related to childhoods, it saddened me reading the ones where abuse was the course.

I'm glad times have changed, and no, I'm not against a swat of a few spanks on a bottom, but compared to yesteryear when spanking all too often turning into abuse (or was abuse), it's nice to know we've moved forward to those antiquated days of childrearing.

Thank you for adding your thoughts to this.

redquilter

There is a difference between "spanking" and a swat on the rear. The latter I received many times and my kids received a few. The only thing it every hurt was pride.

madamekelly

I would like to add that when I said swat above, that is what it was, open handed, a swat on the behind. It was more to insult their dignity just enough to encourage caution. Both DDs tell people that they only got hit to "open their eyes". Pain was never the intent. I was severely beaten as a child, but never did more than swat my kids.
When I discovered that I was pregnant the first time, and expressed fear of repeating history to my OBGYN, he gave me a copy of a book called "dare to discipline" that said "punishment of any kind should always end at the first real tear". That advice kept me from repeating my history on my kids.

Endora

I totally agree, my kids dignity was hurt far more often than their rears, especially when they were wearing 3 inches of padding.

NZquilter

Good advice there! Yes, there is a difference in disciplining with love with a simple swat to get the child's attention and a spanking given out of anger or lack of self control. Before I discipline my child I always ask myself 'Am I calm enough myself to do this?' If the answer is no, I try to relax internally first, take a deep breath and then I'm ready to deliver a simple swat. But I have found most of the time a good 'look' from mama is enough! A swat is my last resort.

Endora

Excellent advice. I was one of those moms who acted now, like as in, right now, but I never once lost control. Spanking a rubber-panted bottom was my favourite. Lots of padding, and the plastic made for a loud bang! Always sounded way worse than it was. I imaging the old plastic disposable diapers would have sounded much the same.