iowabelle

Sorry I don't talk much here--my internet access is undependable but I check in as I can.

So Thursday I get an email from my 71 y.o. mother that she's start chemo on Monday for breast cancer. This was the first I'd heard about it. She says they're planning a double mastectomy for the summer.

I live several hundred miles away from her, but she does actually live with my brother, and they are very close. I haven't managed to talk or get an email yet from him so I can't tell what's up for sure.

I was really shocked, since her health has been good, she stopped smoking 20 years ago. Although both her parents died of cancer, it wasn't breast cancer.

But it's not realistic to think you're going to have parents your whole life (although I do know a few 60- and 70-somethings who do!).

So what did you do to deal with the possibility of losing your parent (or relative), and what did you do for them?

jayelee

We didnt have time to deal with losing our dad I got a call from my mom saying that the doctor had told dad he had cancer and they were setting up an appt. with a cancer specialist that was Oct 14.2009 On Oct. 28,2009 just after the last of eleven children made it home I said goodbye to daddy and went home for the night Got phone call the next morning Dad was gone So dont leavw anything to chance go say everything you need to say The last thing daddy said to me was I Love You and I am so grateful also so glad all the family made it home my brother and two sisters hadnt been home in seven years Take care of yourself and just keep telling her you love her and are there for her God Bless You

G-Maw Wilda

My mother was in her 60's when they found her cancer, her first mammogram and it picked it up, they did a masectomy of her left breast and two of her lymph nodes under her left arm. She didn't have to do any type of treatments. But that was thiry years ago. She lived about fifteen years after she had cancer, she died from a stroke.

As far as dealing with losing your parent, trust in the Lord and he will get you through anything. I know this from experience.

G-Maw Wilda

sewwhat85

i didnt have much time after finding out my mom had bone cancer. Make all of your mends as soon as possible.

Flying_V_Goddess

A friend of the family was diagnosed with throat cancer this year, which is incredibly unusual because he does not smoke and does not drink heavily. It was a total shock to everyone, but practically the whole town was supportive (just about everyone knows his family as he and his wife own Dale's Refrigeration and Heating, the only appliance store in town). He recently found out his cancer came out of remission and is doing another round of chemo.

Cancer...and please pardon my bleeped language...is a b***h. The treatments, running back and forth to the hospital, having to be isolated from anyone who has a cough to avoid getting sick, wondering if the next sneeze you make is a sign the cancer has come back. Its Hell. The best you can do is just be there for her. Anyone going through cancer needs the support. From what you're saying it doesn't sound like she's in the final stages and it would take a miracle for her to beat this...so stay positive that she'll beat this.

jemma

you get yourself checked as soon as possible--then yearly mimimum checks---learn how to self breast check and do it weekly [this way you learn what your breasts feel like]as a quilter make mum a cheerfull lap rug [not heavy]in colours she feels comfortable with---set up a phone call ?every 3 daysie sun wed fri be prepared to listen she will need another female to vent to---try a visit every so often as you can afford if only for a weekend--again your ears are your most valuble asset you will hear her fear/anger/joy/frustration even if she is not verbalising it you need to stay well gather your army! so you will have support too best wishes

Jim's Gem

My mother had breast cancer 36 years ago. She then had cancer of the Fallopian tubes, stage 4, they gave her 6 months, that was 25 1/2 years ago. She is 80 and dealing with some of the issues from her radiation many years ago but is doing fairly well.

iowabelle

My friend Marge is in her 80s and reminded me that she is an 11 year survivor. But then I think about the much younger Elizabeth Edwards and start getting all paranoid.
I did tell my brother I was willing to come home, either to visit or permanently (unfortunately I had an unpleasant childhood--mostly on account of my father and bullying at school-- so this is a big thing for me to be willing to do).
Since I'm currently unemployed, renting a small apartment and have no children, it's not like much holds me here. My motto is "Have kitty litter box, will travel."
The weird thing is that I had been thinking about the possibility of my mom having breast cancer earlier that day (and I hadn't heard from her in a couple weeks), when The Today Show ran a segment about how important it was to talk to your mother about her health issues (and how the answers should give you a clue as to how to take care of yourself).

Qbee

First, let me say that there really are wonderful treatments for cancer now and she may do beautifully with the surgery and treatments and ya'll may have many more wonderful years together.
Now...having said that, I feel that I should encourage you and everyone else to spend as much time as you can with your parents while they are here. Ask questions...learn all you can about them and for goodness sake, bury any hatchets that need to be buried because when they are gone, they are gone. I lost my father in July and had been caring for him for 2 years so that loss was no surprise and I had loads of time with him. Unfortunately, I didn't spend as much time with my mom while I was caring for him (they are divorced and she lives in Texas) and so when I got the call that she was ill, it NEVER even dawned on me that I would lose her. I found out she was sick on like Dec. 2nd, flew down and the 4th and she passed away on the 5th. Just like that....during the last half of 2010 both parents gone. Cherish every moment you have. I will be praying for you and your family.

Rainy Day

Go and spend the time with her. The town you live in will always be there - your mother will not.