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Thread: What to do now?

  1. #1
    Senior Member stpatmom's Avatar
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    My daughter had a birthday 3 weeks ago. My husband and I told her she could have an Ipod touch for her birthday as long as I could have her other Ipod. We went to my son's tutor's house, McDonald's and then CVS. She can't find her Ipod touch now. I was extremely upset with her and told her not to tell her dad until I wasn't home because if she thought I reacted badly, I know her dad will be worse. Now I'm feeling guilty and don't know what to do. My sister owes me some money from a sewing machine she bought from me. I've thought about asking her for the money if she has it to replace the itouch. Should I do this or let her suffer the consequences and have no Ipod? I just don't know......

  2. #2
    Senior Member EllaBud's Avatar
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    How old is she? I assumed that if she's old enough for an Ipod Touch that she should be responsible for it. NO way would I go and get her another one!! If you do, then you are condoning her irresponsibility. How is she going to learn that there are consequences in life based on the decisions we make. She made her decision by leaving somewhere that she shouldn't have. Let her live with not having an Ipod Touch. I never had one when I was growing up and I'm not bothered by it one bit.

  3. #3
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    An ITouch is very expensive. I can see your point. Is your DD use to carrying a cell phone and keeping up with it? If so then she was careless and so lost her very expensive birthday present. I know what you are feeling about this. My two girls would lose expensive items and I felt like money was wasted. But I realized my money was spent, it wasn't coming back regardless if they hadn't lost the item. They were the ones to lose the enjoyment of the item and knowing their carelessness was the reason.

  4. #4
    Super Member Gramof6's Avatar
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    Ohhhhhh. That is a toughie Mom. How old is your DD? I see how you want to avoid turmoil and try to replace it for her. Yet can you always do that throughout her life? I don't know. A tough one for sure. Since it was for her Bday it makes it even more sad for her. But? Where is the fine line we parents have to draw in order to teach responsability? I am so glad I don't have to make this decision. I feel for you. Been there & done this with 4 in the past & it was not all fun! Babies should have been born with instruction manuals for the parents. LOL

  5. #5
    Senior Member stpatmom's Avatar
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    I know you're right. I also know that if it were me, my parents would never have given me another one. Hopefully, she left it at the tutor's house. I still need to call her tomorrow along with the other two places. Hopefully, she just left it at the house, if not, I'm praying for good samaritans to have turned it in.

    I just feel badly for her.....I'm also not looking forward to her telling her dad. I think I just feel guilty for getting that upset. Now I feel as though I was saying the $ spent was more important than anything. I guess I just need help sticking to my guns!

  6. #6
    Senior Member stpatmom's Avatar
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    How am I ever going to survive them being teenagers? She is only 11, but never had an issue with the regular Ipod or her nintendo ds. UUUGGGHHHH!!! I can't even sleep tonight because of this!!!

  7. #7
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    When my teens asked for something that is costly, we give them the money to buy it. Funny how what they had to have suddenly wasn't that important. A less costly one would do or they didn't want it anymore. Seems when the item is given, the actual value is lost but if they spend actual money that is theirs, it's the most valuable thing ever. Just remember to not battle over the small stuff. Have several big rules and not a lot of little rules. I could care less how long my teens talked on the phone after going to bed (a little rule). They still had to get up early, make good grades and act civil the next day (big rule). It wasn't long before they figured out sleep was more important then any phone call. I saved tons of battling by not having a little rule to argue over them breaking.

  8. #8
    Super Member CAROLJ's Avatar
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    It was her responsibility not yours. It is a good lesson to learn while she is young. Hang in there mom, you'll do the right thing.

  9. #9
    ForestHobbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stpatmom
    I know you're right. I also know that if it were me, my parents would never have given me another one. Hopefully, she left it at the tutor's house. I still need to call her tomorrow along with the other two places. Hopefully, she just left it at the house, if not, I'm praying for good samaritans to have turned it in.

    I just feel badly for her.....I'm also not looking forward to her telling her dad. I think I just feel guilty for getting that upset. Now I feel as though I was saying the $ spent was more important than anything. I guess I just need help sticking to my guns!
    Perhaps if DD is old enough for an iPOD Touch she is old enough to call the places where she may have left it herself. I know that may sound harsh, but it is a lesson in taking responsibility and living with the consequences. One benefit of doing it for herself is that she learns how to take the next step. A good learning experience for life.

    BTW my children learned, as they grew, how to cook, launder their own clothes, make their own appointments, etc. I was amazed when, as adults, they were grateful for the lessons. They said that their friends all had to go home to Mom because they hadn't learned how to take care of themselves before they left home.

  10. #10
    ForestHobbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo
    When my teens asked for something that is costly, we give them the money to buy it. Funny how what they had to have suddenly wasn't that important. A less costly one would do or they didn't want it anymore. Seems when the item is given, the actual value is lost but if they spend actual money that is theirs, it's the most valuable thing ever. Just remember to not battle over the small stuff. Have several big rules and not a lot of little rules. I could care less how long my teens talked on the phone after going to bed (a little rule). They still had to get up early, make good grades and act civil the next day (big rule). It wasn't long before they figured out sleep was more important then any phone call. I saved tons of battling by not having a little rule to argue over them breaking.
    Absolutely! Do we want to win battles or wars. I am willing to lose a small battle and win the war.

  11. #11
    Super Member Alu_Rathbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo
    When my teens asked for something that is costly, we give them the money to buy it. Funny how what they had to have suddenly wasn't that important. A less costly one would do or they didn't want it anymore. Seems when the item is given, the actual value is lost but if they spend actual money that is theirs, it's the most valuable thing ever. Just remember to not battle over the small stuff. Have several big rules and not a lot of little rules. I could care less how long my teens talked on the phone after going to bed (a little rule). They still had to get up early, make good grades and act civil the next day (big rule). It wasn't long before they figured out sleep was more important then any phone call. I saved tons of battling by not having a little rule to argue over them breaking.
    I think that depends on the person...

    My most valuable possessions is my Ipod, my Playstation 2, and my Wii. I received all 3 as gifts. The Ipod was a replacement Ipod for the one that died after three years, this one is still going strong, but I still plan on replacing it soon. The Playstation 2 I received for my 8th grade graduation, which was when I was 15 (story behind that has nothing to do with me being a bad student, just an evil nun and the archdiocese of chicago), and I still have it to this day. Still works too! The Wii I just received this past Christmas. I'm responsible!

    I'd let her take the heat.

  12. #12
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    i would tell DH myself in private and let him blow off steam. before she tells him then he will have time to think and take the correct action.
    when she tells him

    mema

  13. #13
    Super Member ginnie6's Avatar
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    we got dd#3 an ipod for Christmas a couple years back....at the time dh was out of work and money was beyond tight. That was the only thing she asked for. She lost it in a week. I told her I was sorry but she would have to do without. I was furious with her though! here we had gone and barely managed to buy this and she looses it in a week? How careless! She knew I was upset and she felt really bad. Her birthday is in September so that summer I thought maybe we'll get her another for her bday....wouldn't you know it she found it in August! In the couch! She has taken VERY good care of it since.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CAROLJ
    It was her responsibility not yours. It is a good lesson to learn while she is young. Hang in there mom, you'll do the right thing.
    She is only 11, but is old enough to know and learn to take responsibility for keeping track of things. Has she called the places you were to see if someone found it?

    I would then have her earn money to buy herself a new one, or at least pay for half of it. If you just buy her a new one she won't learn anything except that "Mom will buy me a new one if I loose it".
    If you teach her now, the teen years will be just a tad bit easier. (Just a tad) ;)

    Good luck.

  15. #15
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    I would not have her call the places herself. If she is only 11 she may sound like the child she is and may not be taken seriously. I would make the calls myself. I hope you find it. I know how upset you must feel. Being there, but can also imagine how she must feel. I hope you guys find it soon.

  16. #16
    Super Member susie0808's Avatar
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    I can relate. My son just lost his phone yesterday. I fell out of his pocket while riding his bike to friends house. Backed tracked... nothing. He as been looking at a new phone for a couple weeks (was having problems with his battery). He wants a droid... motorola makes it. He's 16 now. I'm not paying 200.00 for a phone. We are able to get 5 new phones on our plan. This phone is not one of them. My son doesn't like his choices. I say oh well. Beggers can't be choosy! I don't believe in just handing money over and letting them have their way when it suits them. When my son asked us to get him a droid he also wanted us to pay an extra 30.00 a month for all the extras the phone can do. I said to him ARE YOU CRAZY! you want it.... get a job! :twisted:

  17. #17
    Super Member mrspete's Avatar
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    Ohuch! I always tell all because it can bite you and the older I get the more I know that life is one lesson after another, bite bite bite bite - ya know what I mean? If I haven't learned from the things I've experienced, I sure hope someone has. It's been rocky.

  18. #18

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    My DD#1 is 13 and doesn't have an ipod, cell phone, or laptop. She does have a digital camera and mp3 which are her favorite things. She has scratched up her camera screen because she doesn't keep it in the case. She knows that if she breaks or loses either she will be in trouble and will not get replacements. I wish I had the money to buy whatever whenever but I don't. I would not rplace the ipod, give it some time to turn up and if it doesn't then give her some time to be without.I know you feel bad that this happened and want to get her another, I would too, but it was a gift that was a want not a need and you and Dh got it even though money was tight.

  19. #19
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    Four children, two GC old enough for these new "toys". Grandson jumped in the pool with his first one, got replaced, second one he left laying in the dugout after a ballgame, gone when he returned to look. That one replaced, but using his own money. He is much more careful now! My own children would not have been given something that expensive in the first place, after all, they don't need the best of everything. They learned to do without, and if they wanted something bad enough, they saved their money to buy it. Many times, we would give them the amount we felt was reasonable, and if they wanted better, they had to earn the money for it. My daughter did baby-sitting in JR. high for her extras, and the three boys were mowing, raking and shoveling when they were 12 to earn their spending money. ( I am likely to help out grandkids, but that is different!LOL) When the kids were old enough to drive, they had to pay for gas and their share of car insurance. I have to say, they all grew up to be very responsible adults, and they understand the value of a dollar. Personally, I dont see why a 11 year old even needs a cell phone.

  20. #20
    Senior Member stpatmom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ginnie6
    we got dd#3 an ipod for Christmas a couple years back....at the time dh was out of work and money was beyond tight. That was the only thing she asked for. She lost it in a week. I told her I was sorry but she would have to do without. I was furious with her though! here we had gone and barely managed to buy this and she looses it in a week? How careless! She knew I was upset and she felt really bad. Her birthday is in September so that summer I thought maybe we'll get her another for her bday....wouldn't you know it she found it in August! In the couch! She has taken VERY good care of it since.
    My husband is also out of work and I explained to her what a sacrifice this was.

    I talked to her tutor this morning and she is going to check her porch for me to see if it's at her house. If it is, I will sit and have a very serious discussion with her. After all the dust settles, I'm confident she won't make this mistake again.

  21. #21
    Senior Member stpatmom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForestHobbit
    Quote Originally Posted by stpatmom
    I know you're right. I also know that if it were me, my parents would never have given me another one. Hopefully, she left it at the tutor's house. I still need to call her tomorrow along with the other two places. Hopefully, she just left it at the house, if not, I'm praying for good samaritans to have turned it in.

    I just feel badly for her.....I'm also not looking forward to her telling her dad. I think I just feel guilty for getting that upset. Now I feel as though I was saying the $ spent was more important than anything. I guess I just need help sticking to my guns!
    Perhaps if DD is old enough for an iPOD Touch she is old enough to call the places where she may have left it herself. I know that may sound harsh, but it is a lesson in taking responsibility and living with the consequences. One benefit of doing it for herself is that she learns how to take the next step. A good learning experience for life.

    BTW my children learned, as they grew, how to cook, launder their own clothes, make their own appointments, etc. I was amazed when, as adults, they were grateful for the lessons. They said that their friends all had to go home to Mom because they hadn't learned how to take care of themselves before they left home.
    I did have her call CVS and McDonald's last night. CVS was closed and McDonald's said they didn't have it. It was too late to call the tutor. I called all three places this morning, and neither McD's or CVS have it. The tutor said she'll check when she gets home.

    I do think that our kids are too spoiled. If she gets it back, the new rule would be to not take it away from home!

  22. #22
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
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    oh no

  23. #23
    Super Member thequilteddove's Avatar
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    When my daughter was a teen, I was considered the 2nd toughest parent in town... I would not replace the Ipod. I would have her earn the money to replace it herself. Of course the money would still be come'n from me, but she'd learn a valuable lesson. I'd pay her at least minimum wage and have her mow the lawn, list of daily chores, baby sitting, what ever it takes. If she wants the Ipod bad enough, she'll be willing to do what ever it takes. Oh and don't give her the Ipod then expect her to do the work... that soooo doesn't work & all you'll be is aggrevated. Pay as she does the work, let her see how long it takes to save the $$$ If she accomplishes the chores without giving you major grief, throw in a few exta bonus bucks :)

  24. #24
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    If it's any consolation to you - which it won't be at the moment - I have a 47 y.o. son that is still losing/misplacing things like his phone.

    I'm hoping that it turns up for you.

    Hugs to all of you.

  25. #25
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    Talk to your husband about the event, he if needs to blowup he will have that finished. Your daughter needs to talk her Dad face to face. Keep up the open conversation skills with your daughter. Hopefully she will grow into a responsible adult.
    Hang in there don't give up, we all have similar problems

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