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Thread: Baby quilt - when?

  1. #1
    Super Member JanTx's Avatar
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    Baby quilt - when?

    My best friend's son and his wife are expecting a child. She just had an 18-week check-up where a second ultrasound showed a girl - that's what they thought it was at the first ultrasound, too. They suffered a miscarriage about a year ago so ... many of us know how that affects the mindset for subsequent pregnancies. I am working on a quilt that I am so excited to give them. It will have the baby's name appliqued on it. So ... do I have to wait until the child is here? Should I wait until the last trimester? I'd really like to give it now, but .. want to be affirming and bring joy. SO what's the consensus?
    So many quilts, so little time.

  2. #2
    Senior Member vanginney's Avatar
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    I would wait.

  3. #3
    Super Member Monika's Avatar
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    I would wait until the baby is here............maybe just me.

  4. #4
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    I would wait too until it is born.

  5. #5
    Super Member quiltsRfun's Avatar
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    I'd wait. I have friends who just lost their baby in the third trimester. I was planning to give them a quilt but am now glad I waited.

  6. #6
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    I would wait - had too many friends lose a baby in the last tri-mester and it seemed to happen as I was working on a quilt. Back then I would embroider the quilt blocks by hand then make the quilt so it took a while. But after the second time I decided to wait. It was less stressful. And as my niece found out, the ultrasounds are not always correct. She was supposed to be having twin boys and the first one born was a little girl. Another friend of mine was told her son had a terrible tumor that would need immediate surgery, so they scheduled a c-section, and the "tumor" was his little sister. I won't go on - but there have been many like that. Not to mention, one friend took one look of their new baby and changed the planned name. So some times they are right on and sometime not.

  7. #7
    Super Member katier825's Avatar
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    In the past, I have always given quilts prior to the birth. My son & DIL were so nervous with the last pregnancy because of a prior miscarriage. She was doing great though, so I made a special quilt for the baby. Unfortunately, 2 weeks prior to her due date, they had to do an emergency c-section but were unable to get the baby out in time. What a horrible experience. I know they got rid of some of the baby things, but I don't have the heart to ask about the quilt. I know it wasn't in the casket, but not sure if they kept it as a remembrance. It was a very difficult time for them and I think there are still times that her baby things bring either comfort or sadness depending on their mood that day. I think from now on, I will wait until the birth before I give the quilt, especially if the mother has had prior miscarriages. My plan though is to try to have a couple of quilts on hand to give when I need a baby gift.

  8. #8
    Super Member JanTx's Avatar
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    All good advice and for a rare thing on this forum - a concensus! My devil's advocate view was that a gift now affirms their child who is as real to them now as she will be when she arrives. My family is built by adoption after several losses so .. that's part of my view. BUT I obviously wasn't sold on that view since I asked the queston on here. Thanks all!
    Last edited by JanTx; 12-29-2012 at 05:10 PM.
    So many quilts, so little time.

  9. #9
    Senior Member lovngrandma's Avatar
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    hello there,
    I am a grandma who made a quilt for a little girl, my gradaughter, as i made one pick fand one blue adn one green, but the pink one was made with my first grandaughter in mind adn she was born way too early at only 1 pound and loved only a month, i then had my son and lil here with me and she became pregnant again and we went through the whole time and i never could make a quitl for fewr of losing her , adn i waitd till she was born to sart one, i did hand embroidery on all 3 of the quilts i made the first time, well i have the other babys quilt as well as hers as we have our grandaughter and are raising her as our own, and our dil had some mental issues nad attempted sucide and in the process lost a set of twins girls as well at 8 months pregnant, i had already started a set of matching ones for them, and after she did that , i jsut coudl nto face teh fabric so i gave it away,, and it stillhurts and that was onver a yera ago, so i woudl wait , it is made and after the baby is borna nd here andnamed , if u wnat the name then put the name on it and then giv eit them, and it will be cherished so much, and as for the other baby blanket, it is most likly put in aspecial place with ultrasound pics and first pics if there was any, and if she kept a babay book, for eve thought he baby died it is still a part of them, and the fact that she dows not have it out, dosent mean she tossed it, it is in aprivate placeiammost sure , God bless you for being so understnading and making such memories for them, i enoy making baby things myslf, and i have made 3 memorials on my time and hope i dont have to make another one, for a little lost angel, who was called so soon,

  10. #10
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    I vote for waiting. Had 2 ultrasounds with my first baby, supposed to be a girl, born with a penis! He's now 18 and gets teased about the fact that the ultrasound tech couldn't see anything, hee hee!

  11. #11
    Super Member GrannieAnnie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanTx View Post
    My best friend's son and his wife are expecting a child. She just had an 18-week check-up where a second ultrasound showed a girl - that's what they thought it was at the first ultrasound, too. They suffered a miscarriage about a year ago so ... many of us know how that affects the mindset for subsequent pregnancies. I am working on a quilt that I am so excited to give them. It will have the baby's name appliqued on it. So ... do I have to wait until the child is here? Should I wait until the last trimester? I'd really like to give it now, but .. want to be affirming and bring joy. SO what's the consensus?
    You know the couple better than we do. But you could ask your friend, too.
    Bad Spellers of the World
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  12. #12
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    Another note here. I have a very good friend who makes Angel quilts for babies who do not live. A retired man makes wooden memory boxes and the quilts (top and back, no batting) go into the box. As well a infant nightgown goes into the box.

    The boxes are given to families, after losing a baby, by miscarriage, still birth or shortly after birth. My mother's first born was still born almost 50 years ago. She would have loved to have had something tangible like a memory box to remember all the hopes and dreams that died with that baby.

    I have never given a baby gift with a name on it. I used to make crochet blankets for all my friends' babies. Here nowadays most baby showers are held after the baby arrives.
    Attending University. I will graduate a year after my son and year before my daughter.

  13. #13
    Power Poster mighty's Avatar
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    I would also wait till baby is here!!!!!

  14. #14
    Junior Member Xtgirl's Avatar
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    My first response to this question was to also say wait. But I guess when I think about it, I think that you know them best, and know whether they still have a lot of fear of miscarriage or something going wrong with this pregnancy. Having struggled to get pregnant(5 IVF's and having a miscarriage) I know what it feels like to be fearful. You could ask them in a very sensitive way...or giving it at the baby shower would be another relatively safe time to present it. It is very nice that you have the empathy to think about this..
    The Potomac Quilter
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  15. #15
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    I would ask them. However, I lost a baby during a pregnancy and I wish I had something from the pregnancy as a keepsake. They already have the baby and they will always have that baby. If you put the name on the quilt, what will you do with it if the baby dies? Maybe the parents would like to have it to help give them tangible confidence. But whatever, why not ask them? You know they must have discussed this topic many, many times.

  16. #16
    Super Member DOTTYMO's Avatar
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    I would wait. Friends of mine had a baby girl whose. Name changed on a daily hourly basis. Good job I waited to applique her name on until she was registered.
    Finished is better than a UFO

  17. #17
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    I would wait until the baby is actually here, especially if you are going to put the name on it. When my sister was expecting, she planned to name her daughter Rebecca. When the baby was born, my sister said she didn't "look" like a Rebecca, and named her Amy, instead.

  18. #18
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanac View Post
    she planned to name her daughter Rebecca. When the baby was born, my sister said she didn't "look" like a Rebecca, and named her Amy, instead.
    Oooh, that's true, that's true! We had names picked out for our son (yes, the same one with the missing penis) and when he arrived, they didn't fit!

  19. #19
    Senior Member dash2000lbs's Avatar
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    I would wait....

  20. #20
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    Id wait, better to hold off in this situation.

  21. #21
    Super Member nygal's Avatar
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    I would also wait.
    When it seems like the world is falling to pieces remember that the pieces are falling into place. We are nearing closer to the End Times.

  22. #22
    Super Member JanTx's Avatar
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    I want to take a moment to recognize a thread where EVERYONE agreed! I don't know that this has ever happened before! So .... I'm going to finish it - some quilts just beg to be made - but I won't give it yet. And it's made in such a way that it will be easy to replace the name panel if necessary. Won't quilt it - that can be done last minute.

    Thanks for all the great advice. Such kind thoughts from everyone. My losses so many years ago are still ... not fresh .. but there. I'm still not sure how I would feel if I had something that physically recognized that those babies ever existed somewhere but in my heart and memory.

    Giving now might be ... hurtful? Waiting can give nothing but joy. Thanks!
    So many quilts, so little time.

  23. #23
    Super Member JulieR's Avatar
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    If the worst should happen and you've already made the quilt, there's no reason you couldn't give it to them anyway. Then the association will be remembrance instead of anticipation.

    After our battle with IVF I've stopped giving anything early. If anyone has noticed they've never said

  24. #24
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    what some sad stories, oh my! I usually wait til the baby shower

  25. #25
    Power Poster twinkie's Avatar
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    Having lost three babies in my 2nd and 3rd trimester, I would definitely say to wait until the baby is viable and stands a chance. It is tragic to lose one at any time during the pregnancy. This is just my experience. Thank God I do have 3 children that survived. Praying that their pregnancy has a happy ending. If something happens and it is not successful, perhaps they would want to wrap the baby in the quilt like my best friend did with her grandson that didn't survive. Just a thought but we are praying for this couple and their baby.

    Quote Originally Posted by JanTx View Post
    My best friend's son and his wife are expecting a child. She just had an 18-week check-up where a second ultrasound showed a girl - that's what they thought it was at the first ultrasound, too. They suffered a miscarriage about a year ago so ... many of us know how that affects the mindset for subsequent pregnancies. I am working on a quilt that I am so excited to give them. It will have the baby's name appliqued on it. So ... do I have to wait until the child is here? Should I wait until the last trimester? I'd really like to give it now, but .. want to be affirming and bring joy. SO what's the consensus?
    Last edited by twinkie; 12-31-2012 at 04:04 AM.

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