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Thread: Motivation Badly needed

  1. #1
    memephyl's Avatar
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    My DH passed away in August and I haven't been near my sewing room since he took ill in June. We both quilted and he and I would shop for fabric, supplies etc together. In fact he was the one who usually cleaned up the sewing room because if it wasn't neat he couldn't work in there.
    I have been piling everything I didn't need in there and now it is a real mess and I can't bring myself to clean it out.l Ireally need encouragement to do this. Both of us had UFO's that have to be finished and I so badly want to go it there, but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. Have any of you had a situation like this and what did you do to motivate yourself.

  2. #2
    Senior Member amy WI's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Just take baby steps. A little at a time. It will be enjoyable again I promise.
    Blessings
    Amy

  3. #3
    bj
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    Super Member bj's Avatar
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    I felt the same way about my mom's things, until I realized it made me sadder not to take care of things for my dad than leaving it be. Just had to set my mind and wade in. You may have to start with small steps and leave the room when it's too much. Play some kind of upbeat, happy music. Blessings and kind thoughts to you. Good luck.

  4. #4
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    Go in with a box. Fill that box and go out to another room. Start to sort. When done return and do the same. Eventually the space will become friendly again and the rush of memories won't sit on you so heavily as you sit in the room trying to do this.

    I find a fresh air place (cold or not open a window or get air moving). Invite a friend to the "new space" for coffee, but the sorting must be yours; perhaps they will visit as you work as well.

    This is a tough, but not impossible time. I am with you and know that you will find peace soon.

  5. #5
    Power Poster Mariposa's Avatar
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    So sorry for your great loss! How wonderful that you both did sewing/quilting!! Maybe you can work on some of the UFO's so you can keep them as special momentos. What a treasure! Take it one step at a time, and keep your faith and courage. You will get stronger! Hugs to you~

  6. #6
    Super Member Lisa_wanna_b_quilter's Avatar
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    August wasn't that long ago. Don't beat yourself up. Try to straighten things a bit each day. Looking at all those things will make you cry, but it will probably make you laugh, too. It sounds like there are many happy memories in there. Just think how wonderful you will feel when you finish up one of his UFO's and cuddle on the couch with it.

  7. #7
    Super Member amazon's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss.Do you have a family member or buddy that quilts? If so , have a remembrance/organizing party. When my GM passed away, my mom , aunt & I had a remembrance party, we cried, laughed & ate and remembered the good times all while we sorted and organized. We all agreed that we never could have done it alone. Once everything had been sorted, it was easy to tackle whatever needed doing. Looking back it helped me deal with her passing and I made other memories with my mom & aunt. Will add you to my prayer list.

  8. #8
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    I would first take your UFO's and put them together in a safe place. A nice place. Just let them rest there. If that means the tote needs to go to another room for awhile, then do that.

    And then, I'd go pet your fabric stash. I assume you both had a shared stash....I'd visit it. And just sort. Whatever your favorite method is...get all the blues together. Get all the 30's repros together. Just *enjoy* the stash. You don't have to DO anything to it. Think of it as a walk down memory lane.

    Of course "other stuff" that doesn't belong in the sewing area needs to go. Could it be a way to "hide" the fact that your hubby has passed on? Like, not looking at the empty space means that it's not really real? I dunno...that's something for you to think about. And, you may not have the answer today, tomorrow, or next week. Take all the time you need.

  9. #9
    Power Poster dkabasketlady's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear of the loss of your hubby. It's been such a short time and you still need time to heal. Just take baby steps!

  10. #10
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    I am so very sorry for your loss, my thoughts will be with you.

  11. #11
    Super Member kriscraft99's Avatar
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    Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here has offered great suggestions. Just take baby steps, maybe a few minutes each day for now.

    When my Mother passed away (who always had a needle, thread and a quilt block in her hand) I had to go in and pack up her items. It was over whelming but with family and friends I got through it. I've slowly unpacked the boxes over the years and now, 6 years later, it gives me great comfort to come across something she had made or was in the process of making.

    Big hugs from SC

  12. #12
    Power Poster MamaBear61's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with others here take it a little at a time. If tidying the room is too much right now, I would take a small project that you have had in mind, maybe not one that was started before your husband's illness and work on it perhaps in another room and I am sure you will soon find your passion for quilting returning.

  13. #13
    deema's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to go do something alone that you once did together. {{hugs}}

    I can't offer anything more than everyone else has said - take baby steps, a little at a time - and support, prayers and hugs.

  14. #14
    Spring's Avatar
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    Im so sorry for your loss. I agree with what a lot of others said, just take baby steps, Aug. was not that long ago. Im new to the world of quilting and I have found that my mind can think of NOTHING else except the project that Im working on. Getting those seems to all line up is HARD! Some one else suggested starting a small project and working in another room may get your passion back. I think it sounds like a great idea.
    Know that we are all here for you to offer support, prayers and cyber hugs.

  15. #15
    sewTinker's Avatar
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    there are some beautiful, thoughtful suggestions here. You might serendipitously find Comfort in that sewing room; a re-discovered Closeness to the one you love... blessings to you on this part of your journey. Look for it. Expect it. Embrace it. <3

  16. #16
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    (((HUGS))) It isn't easy getting back into the swing of things... set small realistic goals, a little each day. Maybe make a list? Once you cross off the first few items, it is easier to see that you are making progress (((HUGS)))

  17. #17
    Junior Member merridancer's Avatar
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    Do you have a family member or a friend that you could ask to organize or clean it up for you? That's the only way I could do it.

  18. #18
    cjr
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    So sorry for your loss. I can not imagine how you feel. Lots of good suggestions here.

    I lost my Mom earlier this year. She is with me more then ever. I live 2000 miles from her; she had been in a nursing home many years. My brother cleaned her apartment when she went to nursing home. Little things that I would have liked to keep are gone.

    However I asked for and have her sewing machine.Little did I know then how precious it would become to me. The machine sat neglected for many years. Last month my machine needed to be hospitaslized and a quilt needed finished. I dug out Mom's machine a 1957 Singer 320. DH took apart, cleaned oiled. It worked better then new. Quilt came out almost flawless. It was as if Mom was guiding my hand and the machine. Quilt was for her granddaughter, my niece. Long and short, when the time is right you will know. Do not force healing. If tears come, thats ok. You are healing. The emptyness will always be there, pad it with quilts.

    Many hugs

  19. #19
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    Don't go in there alone. Call a friend and make it a duty to get it cleaned up. Keep only the things that make you happy and either got someone else to finish those projects that you want to see done but hurts too much to do it, or give them away. Change things around so it doesn't look like it did before. Have the room make you happy filled with happy memories. August is recent and it still hurts, but the quicker you get on with it the better you will feel. Do you have a quilting buddy? Maybe one of your kids can help. When you are lone you tend to think. With company is easier to deal with it.

  20. #20
    Super Member franie's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss. This is normal from what I have heard from others. You are still grieving. It's ok. It will come. Sending hugs and any time you want to talk more about it, contact me. Sometimes talking it out helps. A friend of mine lost her husband months ago--she just is now starting to set up a sewing place and trying to move in that direction. Her hubby did not quilt with her. Sending hugs.

  21. #21
    Quilt Mama's Avatar
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    My suggestion, not unlike the others already given, is to break it down into smaller bits. Many small bits make a whole. The other is to do things that encourage you, using the "Mind over Matter" motto. Every person is different. Sorry for your loss, relish the good memories of the past and with moving forward you will be making new memories that may well include your quilting past with your departed husband.

  22. #22
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    So sorry about your loss. I agree with all who are saying to take gentle steps and have a good friend around to support you.

    When my first husband died (thirteen years ago), my mum said a very wise thing to me: "You'll be grieving for a while, but grieving is important. Know that there's a shift after six weeks, and another after three months... and another after a year." I didn't believe her at the time, but found it very true.

    I went through his and our things step by step - some objects felt easy, even important to let go; others I boxed for sorting through later. I'd get a box or two out each time I felt it was good top take another step. It helped me honour my feelings and memories, in my own time. Having a friend present for one of the hardest steps (for me, going through a box full of photos deciding what to let go and what to keep) was a lifesaver to me: I could share feelings and snatches of story as they came up.

    Good luck, and love to you! Going through things at a gentle pace can bring you unexpected treasures and healing.

  23. #23
    Senior Member kclausing's Avatar
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    My MIL just passed away and my FIL is staying motivated by doing the things that my MIL loved. This keeps her memory alive, instead of thinking of it as doing things without her, he thinks, if she were here she'd be doing this. She'd be upset if I wasn't still doing this.

  24. #24
    Super Member Juliebelle's Avatar
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    Prayers coming your way, maybe it is just too soon. I think that you will wake up one day and you will know it is the day that you can handle going in the room you both enjoyed. Take care

  25. #25

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    Very sorry for your loss, this is a very hard time for you.
    Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. everyone must do it their own way.You will know when the time is right to sort the room out. You might be able to do it all at once or a little bit at a time, whatever is right for you!
    Colleen

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