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-   -   The "worthy," why are we so hard on them? (https://www.quiltingboard.com/main-f1/%22worthy-%22-why-we-so-hard-them-t85641.html)

Mimito2 12-28-2010 07:23 AM

This year I made fleece "snugglies" for the GG kids in the family. Running short of time I chose to give the 2 girls jeans purses. They were very upset that the boys got the blankets and they got a purse. Guess I know what I am making them next year. I was amazed to see the boys running around clutching their blanket to their chest and leaving the remote control cars in their Moms laps.. I explained to all that they were dragging around blankets for them to use as they wanted. One immediately told his Mom, "This one is all mine and you can't have it." Humm...Maybe I need to have a quilting day with the girls.

craftyone27 12-28-2010 08:03 AM

@ ckcowl - You got it right on the money!!I too am sometimes disappointed by the reactions when I give homemade quilty gifts, but I try to remember the love I put into the gift and just let go of the rest. I cannot control the reaction of the recipient , I just may choose not to gift them w/that type of present again in the future-lesson learned. I do truly hope that the gifts I take time to make will be used and not put away in a closet - but again it's not my choice. Once the gift is given it is literally out of our hands - we just need to let go and be at peace with the choice we made to make a gift for this certain person. I'm still struggling over whether or not to make a lap quilt for my DFIL. I love him very much and he has done a lot for my family over the years. He will be 80 on his birthday and is cold all the time(mostly due to a blood disorder), but I'm not sure the quilt would be used because he is also a proud man who doesn't want to be viewed as old and frail. Whatever decision I choose - I will have to be at peace with his reaction in the end.
Happy Quilting!

JanP 12-28-2010 08:08 AM

Granted I've made only three quilts as gifts, so this may not be typical. But my grandkids and I had a great time looking through scads of photos so they could pick out the quilts they wanted me to make for them. I realize letting people choose their quilt may not be doable everytime and it wouldn't be a "surprise," but it may be better than a "bad surprise."

kateyb 12-28-2010 08:13 AM

Growing up we were encouraged to make gifts, so my family does appreciate them. We also learned how to find out what people would like. Rarely were giver and recipient disappointed.
Many years ago my DH's aunt once gave me a top that was bright coral red. I'm a redhead and was surprised. This particular aunt spent a lot of thought in her gifts. DH said give it a try. Every time I wore it I got compliments. So, you never know. She obviously knew better than I did.
I was working on a quilt recently and one of my brothers asked if it was for him. (I didn't think it was his style or color preferences). I asked, "You like this?" "No, but if you gave it to me I would use it and love it"
Once it is given how it is used or not used is entirely up to recipient, at that point it is out of our control.

Laura22 12-28-2010 08:24 AM

I try to make sure I only give gifts to those who really want them :) If I feel the urge to make a gift that doesn't "match" with a recipient, I don't just follow through and make the gift anyways, I make a gift for someone else :) A good example were the super cute mug rugs that everyone was showing off. I wanted to make some, but, after reviewing the recipients this year for xmas, found they weren't a good choice for anyone. I'll make some for me after the holiday rush ;)

cinnya 12-28-2010 08:25 AM


Originally Posted by aliaslaceygreen
I have not read the other responses (must RUN to Joannes before al the Christmas fabric is gone!)

This is a blog post I wrote on Christmas eve:

http://aliaslaceygreen.wordpress.com...ord-is-thanks/ :mrgreen:

It is really all I have to say about the situation, other than I make a lap quilt--- easy (but different) pattern, random Christmas fabric, every year. Whoever I draw in the Secret Santa for the family gets it. I could care less if they appreciate it. Eventually EVERYONE in the family will have a quilt from me, and then no one can say anything about someone else getting better. I spend easily more $$$ than anyone else on my SS gift, and certainly more time....

Loved your blog..I need to remember some of it.
About the purses,I think they are cute, but not for me. I like leather purses and that is all I carry.

cowpie2 12-28-2010 08:27 AM

Amen

Champagnolle 12-28-2010 08:33 AM


Originally Posted by craftyone27
@ He will be 80 on his birthday and is cold all the time(mostly due to a blood disorder), but I'm not sure the quilt would be used because he is also a proud man who doesn't want to be viewed as old and frail. Whatever decision I choose - I will have to be at peace with his reaction in the end.
Happy Quilting!

Quilts are fun to make, but a lap-size blanket made from a double layer of fleece is warmer and easier to wash, I think. I made one for my uncle when he was in a nursing home and he loved it. My mother loved hers, too. They are light weight, warm, and cuddly.

happymrs 12-28-2010 08:34 AM

It's really hard, isn't it! I want to share my quilts with lots of people, but I have always made things, so have learned to be careful over the years. We are all so different, like others have said, I try to feel things out before I gift a quilt to someone, so I know we will both be happy. Now, I love handmade stuff too, but must admit, I have one DSIL, love her alot, & she quilts & makes stuff too, & over the years, she has continually given me the weirdest, tackiest stuff, you just can't imagine. Thank goodness we live across the US from each other, so I am a gracious receiver, & tuck it all away. I keep telling DH, I hope she just quits making me things! She loves stuff I do, or raves about it online to me anyway, so I have a quilt in mind for her, & I think she will be shocked, once it's done & I give it to them. It is definitely going to be her taste, & fit her to a tee, unlike the things she chooses to send me. I still love her though & compliment all she sends, so I stay nice about it. Now my son, when he got an apt., I mentioned, oh, I will have to make you a quilt. He said, what do I need a quilt for? Okay, lol, he has yet to receive a quilt from me. He does occasionally comment, positively, about ones I have done & post pics of online though, so who knows. Someday, maybe. I told my sweet SD, that it's not that I don't want to give her one, but have no idea what she would like. If she came to visit & said, oh, I love that one, then I would probably just hand it to her & say, take it home with you! So, over the years, I have learned to be careful too, much easier on both ends that way, I think....

IrishNY 12-28-2010 08:36 AM

I can see all sides of this discussion. A few thoughts:

Just because I know the work that goes into a handmade gift doesn't mean that I can expect that the recipient does.

I don't feel an obligation to receive a handmade gift with any more joy than a store bought gift if it's not 'me'. I certainly will say the right things and be appreciative but if someone made me a BT, I would not feel obligated to carry it just because they thought (wrongly) I wanted it.

I give quilts sparingly to those I think will really enjoy them. And I work hard to factor in their color preferences and use fabric that represents them as best I can. But once I give it, it's theirs and I don't waste another minute worrying about if they will use it or love it the way I want them to.

My $.02 (and probably worth less) :wink: :wink:


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