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Originally Posted by calano1
Originally Posted by calano1
My goodness!! Why did I wait so long before I asked?!?!
A BIG thank you to everyone for your responses ... I really do appreciate it! I think the people on the Quilting Board are all under-cover psychologists!!!!! :) Thank you all! I think I may have spoken too soon ... (SOME) of the people on the QB are under-cover psychologists ... :D :D :D :D Others are just venting ... quite sad actually ... Nevertheless ... those that did not take it personally and understood the questions gave wonderful advice. THANKS!!!:thumbup: :) In that case please by all means force quilting on her. :roll: |
How old is she? If she is young, forget it. In years she may come along. If she is older, maybe ask her if she would like to learn. Is she planning the wedding right now, she won't have time. Then there are many people out there that have no quilting/sewing ablities.
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Just like my mom I always sewed........pillows, clothes,curtains, etc. but it took my sister 5 years to get me interested in quilting. What did it for me was that she gave me a cheaters quilt top. It was a lap size that I quilted and bound and then I was hooked. That was 19 years ago.
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Why not ask her if she likes it. Like any relationship, communication is the key. Be honest, tell her you enjoy her sharing your sewing interest and see where it goes. Share the suggestions that you posted about ways for her to learn to quilt and see where it goes.
If she says, I really don't like it. You know and can find other things you can share with her. Sounds like she is a sweet girl. |
(Edited)
Oh dear .... so many misunderstandings ...!! I did not elaborate in the OP, because I did not think it was needed. I did indicate that after I gave my FDIL the sewing machine, she sewed little projects on her own initiative. I neglected to say that we have gone shopping for fabric twice, and that she often indicates that she likes sewing. But because she is a shy and timid girl, I am quite careful of dominating her into doing what I suggest ... Besides, my son is quite protective of her .... so he won't stand for it ... :lol: If you have read the message with an open mind, you would have noticed I said that: I have been pondering this issue for more than a year ... AND I DON'T want to push it .... I did not think every little detail of our relationship was needed to be known in order for anyone to give me some QUILTING advice ... which is why I posted in Main and not chit-chat. I was quite flabbergasted when I read some of the posts, but I immediately recognised that these people had some bad experiences and was just trying to warn me. So ... I am sorry for those of you who have/had trouble with your MIL, but please ... do not jump to conclusions ... not everyone is like your MIL ... In fact ... contrary to popular belief, some MIL's are quite nice ... :) Thankfully there were some who understood without having to know all the nitty gritty details. And THAT is what makes the QB so great!!! I am writing this one off as good experience ... Be warned ... In future my posts will be so elaborate, it may take ages to read!!!!! :):):):) |
Nicely stated! Best of luck bonding with DIL and hopefully you guys can have some great crafting days together!
Originally Posted by calano1
Oh dear .... so many misunderstandings ...!!
I did not elaborate in the OP, because I did not think it was needed. I did indicate that after I gave my FDIL the sewing machine, she sewed little projects on her own initiative. I neglected to say that we have gone shopping for fabric twice, and that she often indicates that she likes sewing. But because she is a shy and timid girl, I am quite careful of dominating her into doing what I suggest ... Besides, my son is quite protective of her .... so he won't stand for it ... :lol: If you have read the message with an open mind, you would have noticed I said that: I have been pondering this issue for more than a year ... AND I DON'T want to push it .... I did not think every little detail of our relationship was needed to be known in order for anyone to give me some QUILTING advice ... which is why I posted in Main and not chit-chat. What is quite ironic, is that those who were so adamant that I don't push my opinion, was forcing THEIR opinions .....:) I am sorry for those of you who have/had trouble with your MIL, but please ... do not jump to conclusions ... not everyone is like your MIL ... In fact ... contrary to popular belief, some MIL's are quite nice ... My DH would have said: Oh get over your own little SELF and stick to the point! Thankfully there were some who understood without having to know all the nitty gritty details. And THAT is what makes the QB so great!!! I am writing this one off as good experience ... be warned ... in future my posts will be so elaborate, it may take ages to read!!!!! :):):):) |
I would just give her time and space to see if she likes it. Like others here, I don't think pushing her into quilting or sewing will yield good results and she might end up resenting it. Teach by example: when she sees how much happiness it brings you, she may ask you to teach her some day. Good luck, it sounds like you really care about her.
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small, easy projects that she can finish and feel a sence of acomplishment, but remember, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
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Best to let it rest, I think, if she is not self - motivated she may regard it as a chore rather than a pleasure or pass time.
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Originally Posted by CarrieAnne
I think she either wants to or doesnt. Unfortantly neither my DD or my Mom are into sewing, though Mom used to do it. Nor my Sis, have tried with her, shes just too impatient. I wish I couldve got my DD to like it too!
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The spark of creativity is different from person to person. Some sew, others make pottery, some garden, some have children, with a lot of in between crafts and interests. Explore her strong points, be it cooking or computers. Encourage what she can do and enjoys. When she plants a "seed" in her home, watch her tend it, and praise her efforts.
From time to time, ask her opinion of color selection or patterns for your projects. Show her that you value her opinion, rather than try to change her. She is trying to be her own person. Let her grow at her own speed. Perhaps I might admit to her, were she my DIL, that I was lonely, and wanted a sewing buddy, then ask if she had any friends who wanted to learn sewing, or their mothers. Offer to teach them. Someone just might take you up on it. When she hears back through the grape vine how cool you are, and how much fun they are having with their new hobby, she may begin to creep into your "classes". It may be years. For now, give her her space. |
I have 3 daughters and one in law......never push, don't hint. Be busy with your own in front of her and have a nice chat with her, do as if you don't know which colors or pattern to use and ask her suggestions. Sort of slowly pull her in to your interest. Even send her ALONE to the shop to get you something even if you might be disappointed with what she comes with. Remember she is still in love and this is completely a strange thing to her.
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:thumbup:
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You might try asking her to help you work on a project for your son. If the quilting bug doesn't bite, it probably just isn't her interest. Good luck! It is nice to have a companion quilter.
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I have 3 sisters, 3 DILs and 8 DGDs and none want to sew let alone learn to quilt so I don't push it. 2 DILs turned down my offers to make them quilts for their homes. All Dgrands have at least two quilts that I've made them. They all seem very happy with them and use them all the time, guess I got to them early enough, LOL!
You never know what happens over time as recently one DIL asked me if I would make her a quilt for her bed, she's paying for all the materials. Last year one of my sisters asked me to teach her to quilt and one DGD got a sewing machine at her Bridal Shower so your future DIL might someday express an interest in quilting - you just have to hang on long enough. May in Jersey |
Does she go to work every day? She might be pressed for time. If she has the time take a quilt class with her. Give her the class as a gift but take it with her. You can give her pointers along the way and get to know her better. Not everyone has the same level of desire to quilt. But it doesn't hurt to heighten the desire to cut stuff up and put it back together! :shock: :lol:
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Give it time. People develop different interests over time. Tho I loved to sew and made my own clothes, I didn't really get into quilting till my mid thirties.
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My DIL doesn't sew or anything close. Nor does she know how to boil an egg. But my son loves her and is happy. We love her for that. She is thrilled with what I make for her/them, and is very appreciative. Let it go...
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I'm sorry you didn't like some of the answers you received, but we all need to consider how we present ourselves when using only the written word, and no facial expressions or vocal cues are available to help others understand our tone.
If you'll excuse me for writing so, parts of your original post indicated that you might need the "leave it alone; you're meddling" talk. And with this being mostly a large group of women (no offense), I'd be shocked if many didn't go there. The whole not "using her time wisely" thing, along with the description that it's you who wants her to quilt because it's in your best interest makes it sound to some that you may be meddling. I'm not trying to stir the pot more; just explain why the thread turned as it did. Ever since I became a mother it has become apparent to me that women often consider it their obligation to comment where they think someone else is in the wrong. By asking for advice, even on a related topic, you open the floodgates. If you don't want such advice in future, I strongly suggest you keep your posts more brief, not more detailed. It's the editorializing that opens you up. I hope you got the advice you want, and that it works out with your DIL.
Originally Posted by calano1
I have pondered the following questions for almost a year now, and I still am not sure if I must or if I should leave it alone ...
My future DIL is the topic of discussion here .. How do I get this young lady to take some interest in quilting / sewing /needlework??? She is truly a lovely young girl, but she has not learned to use her time wisely, or to make anything with her hands ... She thinks a sewing machine is just for mending or fixing the odd seam ... :shock: I have given her my old sewing machine and some fabric with which she made a lunch bag and an apron, so I think the interest might grow if I can just get the right project .... So....here are my questions: If I make up a kit with fabric and a pattern --- which patterns are interesting? Shall I make it a "block of the month"-thing and give her a kit each month? Like a sampler? Or must I keep to small projects that finishes fast so she will stay interested? I would really like it if she takes an interest in quilting ... then I will have someone to leave all my sewing toys to!! hehehehe :) :lol: :wink: But at the same time ...I don't want her to feel I am pushing her into something she doesn't want to do ... I have read on QB how some of you got your GD's involved in quilting .... so I will wait for the wise women of the QB to speak ... please .... :) :) |
Just a thought... your expertise may be a threat to her own self image. Years ago , my FIL made delicious pies etc. I could never match up. So,oo I never made pie.
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Its taken 27 years to get mine into it ,she loves what I make,but now she is going to be a Grandmother and she wants to make Baby Quilts,I taught Her to Crochet but thats a now and then thing so just wait and see don't push
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When I first got married my mil showed up with a couple bushel baskets of Apples and canning supplies. She decided since she liked to can I had better do it also. I canned apples and made apple butter then she brought pears and peaches her intentions were good but I had no intrest in these things I had to finally have my dh tell her enough already I had tried telling her myself but she would not listen to me. I might of liked it if she wouldn't of tried pushing me into it. It did not help our relationship at all
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Don't force the issue. Let her decide on her own if she wants to be involved and enjoy other things with her. I have 4 daughters and they are so busy taking care of their homes and a job that they don't have time to quilt even if they did have the desire.
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I think I would extend a couple of "I'd love for you to join me . . . - with a specific date and time for a quilting party.
After that, I think I would just make it an open-ended invitation that she could take you up on "whenever" |
duplicate post
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You can't make people interested in what you like or love. My 3 DD can't even thread a needle but that's OK. They love biking and kickboxing and I'm very glad they don't want me on the trail. But, oh my, my beloved 9 year old grandaughter is making her own quilt on an old Singer I gave her (401). We're all very happy doing our own "Thing." LOL
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I like Sewcrafty's idea of the shopping trip. Then you could use what she is interested in to work her into an easy BOM by suggesting it while shopping. If she doesn't take the bait and swallow the hook, then I would drop it.
The next tack would be to give her small things she will fall in love with that you make. She make pick it up from there. Another tack down the line a bit would be to say you wished you had someone who was interested in quilting to leave all your toys to. |
She has to love it herself. You can't make someone love the same things you do; and, in fact, that may turn her off. I'm sure you have other things in common; and, some day, she might surprise you.
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I would just enjoy spending time with her, whether it be related to sewing or something else. Why not discover something new that neither of you has ever tried?
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Sorry to say but the more I tried (pushed) with my daughter the less interested she became. Just give it time.
Good luck, Kutnso |
I steam----but ladies, please tell me what the difference is between spraying and steaming??? Isn't the result the same???
Thanks, Kutnso |
Is there something you could work on together? Keep your ears and eyes open, a project may arise that you could suggest it be a team effort. That way she may learn some of the tricks of quilting you already take for granted. Kits to do by herself may be a bit overwhelming at this time. Working together might spark her interest. And then it may show both of you that it isn't to be.
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With some people, there's nothing you could do. If she doesn't enjoy it, it's just not going to work, regardless of what you say or do. I think, before pushing things at her to do, talk to her about it, see how she really feels, and then go from there. Offer to work with her on the first few things, if possible.
I have a feeling that if you just "give" her things to work on, she'll feel like she's being pushed, and may rebel. Maybe have a couple of hours time to set aside for the both of you to work on something together to get her started. |
I'd give her a kit for pot holders. Nine patch, it's easy and quick and she gets a sense of accomplishment fast. Have the squares cut out for her and include backing and batting with the turn method so she doesn't have to do the binding. Pot holder in no time! Good luck.
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I would do something easy and quick so she has something to show for the effort quickly. My daughter made a quillow for her first project and she loved the sewing so much she has ventured into a little more sewing, but she does not have the time to spend much time sewing, but the interest is there. The young sometimes need instant gratification. If you have room maybe you can set up where you can both work on something. A class might be good for her to start. Maybe give a class in quilting for birthda? I think so few young people are into sewing (and cooking) because it is no longer taught in school for more than 6 weeks. No wonder people are overweight, they have notlearned how to cook healthy meals. Stepping off soap box now. Take care.
Linda |
I agree...."she either wants to or she doesn't" not much you can do about it. I have 2 sisters & 2 daughters & none of them are interested in any kind of sewing at all! I hate it.....here I have an $11,000.00 Bernina 830 & no one is interested!!!! (Not to mention my stash & tools!) :cry:
I feel so sad! |
The more u push, the less likely she will be interested...maybe she's not the crafty type and doesn't want to hurt ur feelings..
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Honey, I think if she wants to start quilting, she will ask you. If she doesn't, there's not much you can do. My DD loves quilts, but only if Momma makes them, she's not interested in learning how to make her own.
I would just keep showing her the beautiful things you've done and maybe she'll get the itch. |
Don't push her, if this issomething that she wants to do then she will. I have had a sewing machine since I was 10. Then when my grammie past I got hers, but it wasn't until about 4yrs ago that I started sewing. I had a friend who was working on a table runner that got my attention.
So give you DIL a little room and if its meant to be, it will take off. If not her then maybe a grandchild. Good luck :-o :-o |
This is not something for everyone. My sisters and cousins are avid sewers, but only one cousin is a quilter, so out of seven of us there are only two quilters. One cousin can sew up drapes and slipcovers in no time flat, but she has no time for the accuracy needed in quilting. To each his/her own. Do not push!
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