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I wouldn't push her to make anything. Start out by having her help you pick out a pattern she might like and picking out the material. See if her interest lies in a quilt kit. Show her a catalog from Keepsake Quilting or Connecting Threads if it seems like picking out fabric is overwhelming her. Sometimes it takes a lot of looking and thinking before someone dives in and tries to make their own quilt.
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If she has no interest in quilting, you can't make her want to quilt. You can't push quilting on someone.
Either you want to quilt or you don't. Apparantly she doesn't. If you continue to push her it will eventually cause problems with your relationship. |
It took a few years for my friend to keep inviting me to quilt before I finally decided, far away from her, to give it a try. She was both surprised and pleased that I had joined in her hobby/craft. Give her time, and continue to offer to help her if she decides to join you. Maybe you could get her to help you with a block(s)... see if she gets interested. Good luck. We need all the quilters we can get!!!!
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In 1985 my mother decided I need to learn to quilt and pieced blocks for a signature quilt. I collected the signatures and then stored the blocks for 15 years. In 2000 I decided I wanted to quilt and am so thankful for my signature quilt top (still to be quilted this year). Left alone I decided on my own that I wanted to do this and have loved it ever since. I plan to hand quilt this one because it is so special. Three of the blocks are signed by family members that have passed away. Just give her time.
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I like the idea of a shopping trip that includes a trip to a quilt shop, a craft shop and other places. Do this to learn her interests. Then .....back off. You want to be a caring, not pushy, future MIL. Glenda
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I have two DILs. I got one hooked by taking monthly classes with her at our local Bernina shop. We've made hot pads, table runners, place mats.... those kinds of things. The other one came to two classes, never finished the second class -- she claims she's too tired to sew.
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Leave her alone. If she wants to learn to quilt that should be her choice. I know it would be a great passion to share but you're trying to make her into what you want her to be. That's just as non-productive as marrying a man and then trying to mold him to your expectations. Doesn't work, just causes stress and strains the relationship. JMHO.
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Originally Posted by calano1
I have pondered the following questions for almost a year now, and I still am not sure if I must or if I should leave it alone ...
My future DIL is the topic of discussion here .. How do I get this young lady to take some interest in quilting / sewing /needlework??? She is truly a lovely young girl, but she has not learned to use her time wisely, or to make anything with her hands ... She thinks a sewing machine is just for mending or fixing the odd seam ... :shock: I have given her my old sewing machine and some fabric with which she made a lunch bag and an apron, so I think the interest might grow if I can just get the right project .... So....here are my questions: If I make up a kit with fabric and a pattern --- which patterns are interesting? Shall I make it a "block of the month"-thing and give her a kit each month? Like a sampler? Or must I keep to small projects that finishes fast so she will stay interested? I would really like it if she takes an interest in quilting ... then I will have someone to leave all my sewing toys to!! hehehehe :) :lol: :wink: But at the same time ...I don't want her to feel I am pushing her into something she doesn't want to do ... I have read on QB how some of you got your GD's involved in quilting .... so I will wait for the wise women of the QB to speak ... please .... :) :) Don't try to force the issue. It only makes it easier to push away. You enjoy what you enjoy and let her enjoy and grow into who she is intended to be! Cherish each other for the beauties you have and let a great relationship grow. You never know. Maybe your future GRANDCHILDREN will want your stuff and will love it!! |
Huh?
Originally Posted by Kutnso
I steam----but ladies, please tell me what the difference is between spraying and steaming??? Isn't the result the same???
Thanks, Kutnso |
Originally Posted by nance-ell
I think the harder you push, the more she will push back. Just enjoy what you do and share when you can. If she has any inclination at all, she'll start asking questions and want to join in.
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[called me and asked, "If your son and I get divorced, will you still be my mother-in-law?" I thought that was the greatest compliment I could ever get. end of quote
Oh that is SO SWEET it is making me cry! Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this post! I hope they never divorce for she sounds like a winner. My cousin and her first DH divorced, (drop the D for he had a closet girlfriend, just her H) and yet my cousin kept a very close relationship with his mom even through the nursing home days and helped to take care of her. I like the idea of leaving quilting magazine or a basic "how to" quilting book out and see if she wants to read it. That's how I got started; on my own by reading. |
I agree about not pushing quilting on her. I would make some home decor items, like a cute apron or some pillows that goes with her colors and likes and maybe some quilted place mats or table runner. When she sees how cute handmade items are, that could pique her interest. Even when a baby is on the way that might be what it takes. When she sees how beautiful the baby quilt is you made her.
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I have always found the direct approach is best. Why don't you ask her if she would be interested in a BOM. Find out, and if she says no, just let her know that if and when she becomes interested and would like to learn, you will be there to teach her.
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One either wants to sew, quilt or doesn't, I think you have done all you can at this point, perhaps sometime in the future it will be something she wants to do, until then dont risk being a pushy MIL!:)
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Originally Posted by nance-ell
I think the harder you push, the more she will push back. Just enjoy what you do and share when you can. If she has any inclination at all, she'll start asking questions and want to join in.
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My DD wont even look at a machine but will do crafts. My Sis won't do anything crafty, Mother used to do a project everyonce in a while, if one of her crafty sisters came to town. Son does his own crafty things, jigs and such, if its connected with hunting or fishing he's all for it. But they all love to get something from me and show it off.
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Everything has it's time. I only started quilting recently. I had other hobbies and didn't want to get into one more. I guess that's over now; but I am determined to just do one project at a time.
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Do you make out a Christmas wish list? If so, put on the very top of the list your wish to make a quilt block with someone in your family. No need for that person to spend any money on you ... just an afternoon of their time. Two of my three grown kids have done this with me and I let them choose from several simple patterns and they got to choose their fabrics from my stash. I, too, made the same block but with different colors. We had so much fun! Just to note, it took a couple of years of this request on my Christmas list for them to realize how important it was to me.
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as the old saying goes You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink The young don't have time to sit and sew its their time to be out living THEIR own lives at this point let her alone You have planted the seed now be patient wait to see if it takes root I can only pass on to you my own experience with my DIL - once the 1st baby came along We had lots of fun and enjoyed sewing together but only AFTER it was HER IDEA and even tho they are 700miles away now we still enjoy our phone sewing as she calls it The wait was well worth it We are the closest of friends not just in-laws
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Originally Posted by quiltingdoe
Everything has it's time. I only started quilting recently. I had other hobbies and didn't want to get into one more. I guess that's over now; but I am determined to just do one project at a time.
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my dil is a real peach and i love her to death. she showed a small interest so i got her to come along with me to a $5 bom at a local shop. big mistake. her patience level to learn new things is about as long as the time it takes a flea to jump. thought we could enjoy the time sitting and sewing together. did not happen. she couldn't relax, just wanted it to be instantaneous and easy. oh, well! we still spend time together doing other things and she loves to receive the things i make for her. that is enough for me.
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My Nanna tried to get me interested in sewing when I was a little girl - you know, the baby sewing machine that I touched maybe once or twice, and I think I hand-sewed a few very basic felt Christmas ornaments. Never really my thing.
Fifteen or twenty years later, I visit my great-aunt in Nova Scotia (Granddad's sister) and she's an avid and prolific quilter. Just being in her quilting room felt like an eye-opener. I'm a color fiend. I love color and texture, and for me, that's where the real joy comes in with the quilting! I'm less "creative", but quilting provides my love of color with some structure. And I actually get to make something. Even though I never showed any interest in other kinds of sewing, I finally found my niche. :) It can be such a tricky thing. |
I bought my DIL a Singer 503 and just barely showed her how to use it. I didn't think she would really sew but I only paid $5 for the machine. It had a broken nose door.... Anyway a week or two later she came over with a bag she had quilted together and announced that she was in love. I looked at her and told her she better be in love. She just laughed and said she was in love with the sewing machine. So I asked her if she named the sewing machine so she sat and thought a few minutes and said she was going to name her Margaret after her Grandma. She said Margaret was very fashionable in her day and could get things done. LOL. So now once in a while we get together and sew. Never thought I would see the day. I didn't push much though. Oh and I found a better door and a box of accessories for Margaret.
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I invited my step-daughter to take a class with me. She said - "I'm missing that sewing gene." So - no interest in making them. She does ask me to make some charity quilts for her occasionaly - so it isn't that she doesn't appreciate it.
Maybe DIL - is also missing the gene. |
What about asking her if she wants to sign up at a local shop to take the block of the month with you? This is how I started and got totally addicted! I now have a friend that does it with me too. I love it!
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She might feel intimidated. I did when my quilting sister tried to get me interested. Then a friend proudly showed me a bunch of blocks that were far from perfect. I thought to myself, I can do that. I did and that quilt was far from perfect but it made me try harder. I'm continuing to learn and improve but at least I'm not scared or intimidated anymore and my sister loves and admires my work.
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Originally Posted by CoventryUK
Originally Posted by quiltingdoe
Everything has it's time. I only started quilting recently. I had other hobbies and didn't want to get into one more. I guess that's over now; but I am determined to just do one project at a time.
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i would stick to baby or lap quilt sizes...... she can make for a future child, or one her good friend or sister gets.....not too many pieces to the project, so it goes fast. she can start creating her own 'gift drawer' ready for when she needs one.
OR she could embroider a center for a baby quilt....or bocks using simple patterns, then put it together at a future time. my daughter did some emboidered blocks from coloring book -simple pictures, when we went camping....we kept it just for when we were away from home, so it took several summers. i later put it together for her, as she was living away. sometimes they don't have room to have a sewing corner, but lap projects work well. |
I think everybody has to have the desire to sew or quilt, another person can't make them love it if they don't really want too. My grand-daughter made her boyfriend a quilt before they were married she did a beautiful job. Then her cousin had a baby she was all gung-ho to make a baby quilt for her, chose beautiful fabric, cut it all out and it is still unfinished, the baby is 5 months old now. So my advice is to enjoy it yourself and maybe someday the desire will come to the ones who want to pass it on to.
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You cannot make someone like something just because you do..Neither my two daughters or daughters in-law sew at all. I don't know if they can sew a button!!!!!!! They have other interests. I didn't start quilting till I was in my 50's. I did some sewing when my kids were young. Give it up. Perhaps she'll get interested when she sees your accomplishments. peterparley
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I want to become more ornate with my hand quilting. Do I use transers for the designs since I cannot draw?
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Originally Posted by calano1
I have pondered the following questions for almost a year now, and I still am not sure if I must or if I should leave it alone ...
How do I get this young lady to take some interest in quilting / sewing /needlework??? I would really like it if she takes an interest in quilting ... then I will have someone to leave all my sewing toys to!! hehehehe :) :lol: :wink: But at the same time ...I don't want her to feel I am pushing her into something she doesn't want to do... |
I think we all have gifts, and if her gift isn't sewing or quilting, nothing you do will change that. She might try it to please you, but she might be miserable doing it.
You mentioned she does not use her time wisely. She might not think she uses her time unwisely at all. (In fact, I have had some people hint rather pointedly, that cutting fabric into little pieces and sewing them back together again is a very unwise use of time!) IMHO - since you asked for the advice, offer the opportunity to her, and then let her decide. |
Give her time...I have ALWAYS been avid about sewing, but, for many years, I was totally turned off by quilts and could not understand the passion for quilting at all! Over time, my attitudes began to change. My best friend, a quilter, gently encouraged but never pushed. If she had, it might have become a battle of wills. I am now hooked, and into it more deeply than my friend!!! Many times an event, like a baby on the way, motivates much more positively than the nagging of a mom or mother in law!
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You make a good point about others seeing quilting as a waste of time. I got a good chuckle out of that. Thanks...I needed a laugh.
Originally Posted by Pieceful Quilter
I think we all have gifts, and if her gift isn't sewing or quilting, nothing you do will change that. She might try it to please you, but she might be miserable doing it.
You mentioned she does not use her time wisely. She might not think she uses her time unwisely at all. (In fact, I have had some people hint rather pointedly, that cutting fabric into little pieces and sewing them back together again is a very unwise use of time!) IMHO - since you asked for the advice, offer the opportunity to her, and then let her decide. |
I understand your frustration at wanting her to do something but my one daughter just likes to read everything in site except a pattern. My youngest daughter likes to paint no aghans or sewing let me do that. I think your best bet is to ask her to go shopping with you and would she mind stopping at the fabric store and maybe while your there she may she something in a kit she likes especially with the holidays coming and may get into but on her own. You can only offer help and when someone is ready they will usually ask you to help or hint around to you. good luck. Sue
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Maybe you should get her to sew first. Like Curtains for their place they work up fast and save money. Then let her find her way to quilting. Don't push to much.
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I'd say you have given her just enough already to stimulate her interest, should she have any. MIL's can easily be misunderstood. Be there for her should she decide to pursue making quilts. I'm sure she would know she has an expert to consult in you.
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Originally Posted by nance-ell
I think the harder you push, the more she will push back. Just enjoy what you do and share when you can. If she has any inclination at all, she'll start asking questions and want to join in.
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I totally agree with 'nance-ell'. The best way to make her NOT want to quilt is to keep suggesting it. Give her some space and let it be her idea. She may never be as enthusiatic as you are about quilting. Being a MIL is not always easy.
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