I have pondered the following questions for almost a year now, and I still am not sure if I must or if I should leave it alone ...

My future DIL is the topic of discussion here ..

How do I get this young lady to take some interest in quilting / sewing /needlework???
She is truly a lovely young girl, but she has not learned to use her time wisely, or to make anything with her hands ...
She thinks a sewing machine is just for mending or fixing the odd seam ... :shock:

I have given her my old sewing machine and some fabric with which she made a lunch bag and an apron, so I think the interest might grow if I can just get the right project ....

So....here are my questions:

If I make up a kit with fabric and a pattern --- which patterns are interesting?

Shall I make it a "block of the month"-thing and give her a kit each month? Like a sampler?

Or must I keep to small projects that finishes fast so she will stay interested?

I would really like it if she takes an interest in quilting ... then I will have someone to leave all my sewing toys to!! hehehehe :) :lol: :wink:

But at the same time ...I don't want her to feel I am pushing her into something she doesn't want to do ...

I have read on QB how some of you got your GD's involved in quilting .... so I will wait for the wise women of the QB to speak ... please .... :) :)

I think she either wants to or doesnt. Unfortantly neither my DD or my Mom are into sewing, though Mom used to do it. Nor my Sis, have tried with her, shes just too impatient. I wish I couldve got my DD to like it too!

What about taking her on a shopping trip? That way you can see what she's interested in and start there and nudge her way on up. I do like the idea of a BOM, but she really would need to get the basics first or she may just get frustrated.

Home dec. items are a good way to get her interested. Pillows, pillowcases, easy curtains, hotpads, napkins, placemats, etc. Kind of fun, yet easy and quick with good results.

I think the harder you push, the more she will push back. Just enjoy what you do and share when you can. If she has any inclination at all, she'll start asking questions and want to join in.

My DIL has ZERO interest in doing it herself but loves the quilty gifts and loves it when I take her shopping to help pick out "her" fabric.

I'm just happy that she likes what I make!

I agree with the others - don't force it. If she wants to learn she'll come to you. There's no reason for anyone to HAVE to learn sewing or quilting anymore, and it's okay for someone to choose not to learn them.

Do you participate in the things she likes to do?

I wish my sister had an interest too but she doesn't. But we have fun with other things and she loves what I make her :D:D

Quiltings not for everyone. I wouldn't force it on her because then she might get the wrong impression of you and it may cause unwanted tension between both of you and you don't want that. Just let her be and if she ever does show an interest then you can have fun.

My DD tried quilting over about a year's time. I have a little wall hanging she made and I will always treasure it. BUT, she hated it. She does do absolutely beautiful counted cross stitch and fabulous scrapbooking. Give her a chance. It may not be her cup of tea. Be happy that she will be sewing on buttons and mending your DS's clothes!

I agree too. And the idea to take her with and make things that you know she would like for her home, etc., is terrific. Give her time and in the meantime find a friend to quilt with and love your DIL as she is.

First of all I think you should be very careful, so she doesn't feel 'forced' to do something she doesn't like (too much).
If you make a choice for her and give a pattern with fabrics etc all 'ready to sew' , she could feel pressured to do it as a favor for you and after some time might not want anything to sew anymore at all with the thought " my MIL always wants me to sew" and goes on talking about it.
Why not just be patient, show her what your working on, leave a magazine 'in sight' here and there, traditional and modern etc, but don't start about quilting / sewing every time you see her.
If she likes it, she'll talk about it out of her own one day.
But, IMHO, going on about it and giving projects could turn out very wrong.
I hope you'll get her (or some one else close by) to share your interest.

I have 2 DIL's, one is a DDIL and the other is just DIL. Neither one has an interest in sewing. My DDIL is my enabler, she loves to go to quilt shops with me. She is a graphic artist, and paints, is also embarking on making floorcloths that look like quilts or applique. The DIL has no interest in sharing anything with me, especially my 2 DGD's. I would not think of trying to push either one into a hobby I enjoy unless they express a desire to learn. My DDIL have worked many many years on our relationship. We are very different people but I consider her my best friend. One day she called me and asked, "If your son and I get divorced, will you still be my mother-in-law?" I thought that was the greatest compliment I could ever get. So I would just enjoy your future DIL for what she is, and if she really wants to learn to quilt, let her express it to you. Even my DD does not sew; says she doesn't have to because her mother does. They do enjoy their hand made gifts, though.

My goodness!! Why did I wait so long before I asked?!?!

A BIG thank you to everyone for your responses ... I really do appreciate it!

I think the people on the Quilting Board are all under-cover psychologists!!!!! :)

Thank you all!

Sorry ....

I understand how much you would like your DIL to enjoy making quilts the way you do. I had hoped my niece would have wanted to make quilts but no go. She found it boring (imagine that!) Since your DIL does enjoy sewing she may want to make a quilt someday.

This may have already been said as I did not read all the posts.

Don't force her to do something she does not want to do.
If she has no interests in quilting or other hand work, then let it go and put your energy somewhere else
It is unproductive to try to force our interests on others.

I agree with not forcing her or "guiding", etc. What if any of us were put in that position with someone we loved trying to interest us in their love - for example, stamp collecting, car repair, etc. that we had no or just a passing interest in. It wouldn't be that pretty!

No one in my family quilts or sews. I agree with everyone else in that forcing her into your hobby might backfire. Just think of all the quilts you can do for the grandchildren when they come along.

mltquilt

My MIL was a superb quilter as well as enjoying various other crafts. I loved seeing all the beautiful things she made and we swapped various crafty things. However I did not actually start quilting myself until several years after she passed on. Just this morning I was wishing she were here to help me out on something that isn't going right on my binding. So there's hope for your DIL yet! And maybe she will do so more quickly than I did.

Let her make a quilt top. Lap Quilt. Simple 9 patch. It has to be simple. Maybe pre cut it for her. She needs to see a beautiful completed project to keep her interested. And a product that does not take alot of her time. Good Luck

I would never dream of trying to get a daughter or DIL to sew. If they showed any interest, however, I'd encourage it to the max, without being manipulative. It's the kind of thing that if a person isn't interested on their own, you just can't make that happen. She sees your stuff, knows you love it, and still isn't interested all that much. Just wait til she initiates something on her own, which may never happen.

My daughter has finally shown some interest in sewing, after seeing all the stuff in my Etsy shop! The business end of it appealed to her-- that she might be able to sell a few things and augment her income. I bought her a featherweight for Christmas, and sent her a box of cool fabrics and some books, but I think that's as far as it went. I'm not going to bug her. When it's time, she may sew. Or not...

Stop being selfish and leave the poor girl alone! you can't MAKE her want to quilt! or generally be craft for that matter. Be happy that if the time comes that you son needs a button sewn on something she can do it. Many women these days CAN'T and WON'T! Go find youself someone else to quilt with and leave the poor DIL alone.

My husbands grandmother (she raised him so refer to her as my HatefulMIL) is a shopper she loves to buy clothing and just junk in general. I am not this way. I don't care to have crap all over my walls and fancy rugs on my floors. Well this woman tried pushing and pushing her ways on me. I can NOT stand the woman now and any time she buys crap for the house and sends it here I throw it out. Even if it were something that I would have liked years ago before she pushed her ways on me......

So my advice STOP. before she takes it personal and stops likeing not only your hobby but also YOU! You wouldn't want to make them a beautiful quilt and her be so turned off that she trashes it!

I think if she is going to be interested in quilting she will probably get interested by seeing you quilt. I'm sure there are other things that you and her might enjoy doing together. Just enjoy your relation with her.

I agree!!! Sounds like you are trying to be a controlling MIL! Let your son go and set his own family. All that you should be concerned abut is that she loves your son and makes him happy. Get your own life and leave theirs alone!!!

At this point, it may not be the best thing to do to make up a kit for her. Kits can be daunting. Maybe just make up some blocks and in the process of showing them to her, point out how they went together. Some people see the whole block, but they don't see the components, or how the components can be arranged or rearranged to make a totally different pattern. I have a friend who's a banker, and that's the way I got her into it. She's now fascinated with patterns. Next step: to get her sewing them. She's fascinated with D9Ps. Right now she's still cutting out different shaped pieces of paper and putting them together in various patterns, but she's just about ready to tackle the fabric. But she's done it on her own and in her own time. Sometimes they just have to be teased, and we have to show them how to SEE first (if you look at some of Rhonda's tutorials, you'll see what I mean by teaching someone to see... Rhonda is a past master at showing us how to see). Be patient with her. :)

I want to add, if you need something to help remind you to keep still when you see her sitting around...

Right before my husband and I were married, his sister and mother cornered me and gave me a four-hour lecture about...Amway.

Amway. And my turd of a fiance went to bed (well, couch - no co-sleeping before marriage ;)) so I was left all alone with the gruesome twosome and their pamphlets, videos and lectures about taking care of my family.

DH did pay for that, of course.

Anyway, Amway. They were super-passionate about it and there was nothing I could do to get out without being rude to my new inlaws.

I know you aren't doing this, and you wouldn't treat your DIL this way, but if you need a reminder sometimes just think to yourself: Amway. And laugh. And just go back to your sewing machine with a smile. :)

Calano1- don't worry, I'm a prime example of someone who would NOT go near a sewing machine growing up and well, I think you know the end of my story!! LOL

I think I may have spoken too soon ...

[SOME] of the people on the QB are under-cover psychologists ... :D :D :D :D

Others are just venting ... quite sad actually ...

Nevertheless ... those that did not take it personally and understood the questions gave wonderful advice. THANKS!!!:thumbup: :)

It is a real shame that more people wouldn't get interested in quilting and sewing. It is very relaxing and rewarding. These days everyone wants to do all this texting back and forth and to me that is a waste of time and energy and nonproductive.

Everyone has given good advise. If she isn't asking question and suggesting lessons, she just isn't interested. I have 3 daughters and one DDIL and none of them are interested in quilting. They all love the things that I make for them, but do not want to make anything themselves. I have 3 DGD who all want to learn how to sew. Just be patient and someday you will have GD's and you can teach them to sew. Grandmothers are wonderful in their eyes. That's been my experience, and if that doesn't happen, you will have many to gift with your quilts.
Sue

I have one daughter that sews circles around me and my other one won't touch a machine. I did make her learn the basics in 4-H. I also like to cross-stitch and neither one of them will do that.

We all have different interests. That is what makes us who we are. If we all liked to quilt then nothing else would get done. I am happy that there are people who like to cook,clean and write books. I don't like other things but I need other people to do what I don't like so I can quilt. Get my drift? Leave the girl alone. She will find her own hobby. lol

Oh my goodness ... unless you want to be seen as the MIL from "HE double hockey sticks", then shhh!!

She's at a different stage in life and has different interests. Her non-productivity, as you mentioned (different words), may be her way of relaxing, whereas for you, it's sewing.

For now, she may only see the sewing machine as a means to an end for mending. Give her some time and space, and perhaps with that time, you'll see her start to be interested in what you are doing. There may be a specific quilt that will catch her eye, and she'll be begging for you to help her!

We can't "make" anyone do anything ... they have to have the "want".

I know this may be an exercise in frustration for you ... think of all the patience you can master along the way!

Good Luck!

Part of it depends on your motivation in wanting her to do this. Does it irk you to see her sitting around idle? If she works, keeps house, laundry, meals, everything running smoothly, maybe "just sitting" is her downtime. (and - imho - your son should be helping with all that)

If it is because you want to share a special joy/hobby with her, approach it like that. That you want to be able to share ideas, patterns, love of fabric, the mystery of how it all comes together into a thing of beauty with her, that you can marvel on it together, a way to bond with her, then tell her that.

But start way simple. Maybe a couple hours together. Rotary cut blocks. Lay the plain blocks on a design table, show her 3 or 4 ways you put them together, how different the look can be. & sew a throw that is hers when you're done.

If she doesn't love it, leave it alone after you've tried.

I see QuiltE & I said pretty much same thing, posting at same time, sorry.

One more thing, maybe the "doing nothing" is just TV couch time with your son. They're in love & the draw to be close to your special person is a powerful magnet. :D

Glad to see you let those nasty comments roll right off your back. There was no need for that.

I am in agreement with the others. Not everyone shares an interest in quilting. When I was younger, quilting was the furthest thing from my mind. I remember my grandmother wanted to teach me knitting and crochet. At the time I had no interest. Yarn, needles and crochet hook sat in a Knitting bag she had given me. One day, I saw a poncho that was crocheted. I asked her if she could teach me the stitches again. She did and I was hooked on crocheting. Taught myself fancier crochet stitches. Once I had them all down pat, I ventured onto other things macrame (made a hanging lamp table). Now quilting. I am teaching myself, and I love it, relaxing and being creative with fabric.
Don't push her, if and when she is ready she will turn to you.

My advice is to just let her enjoy your sewing for now. I only became interested in quilting after I was in my 60's!

I'm thinking this, too. :? If she does want to make anything else -- you said she made a lunch bag and an apron --, then you might suggest you have a day together for sewing and fellowship. You can both sew what you bring, she will see your passion, and might begin to appreciate what you do and the conversation would take a natural turn towards quilting. Your interest might begin to rub off on her. If it doesn't, just love her anyway and appreciate her other many talents. After all, the best interest she has is her interest in your son. ;) ;)

Quiltings not for everyone. I wouldn't force it on her because then she might get the wrong impression of you and it may cause unwanted tension between both of you and you don't want that. Just let her be and if she ever does show an interest then you can have fun.

cjomomma


What she said. :thumbup:

Since she made an apron, if she enjoyed the process maybe you could help her pick out a really simple skirt pattern and the two of you could sew together, you could work on your project and she could work on hers and you'd be there if she needed it. If she's not interested and didn't enjoy the process, don't push. Maybe she'll find that she wants to try quilting once she sees you in action or maybe she'll want to sew garments or maybe she'll want to knit, crochet, cross-stitch or play video games... everyone has something that catches their fancy, sometimes it just takes a while.