I know times are changing BUT I have received an invitation to a bridal shower that states gift cards only and from 1 to 3. The same with a baby shower invitation. IMO this is extremely tacky and makes me feel like I should just drop off the gift card and leave. I barely know the parents of the couples! I was told this is how they are 'throwing' the showers now. Is this going on in your town also?????? Am I just being too old fashioned to think the choice of gift is mine to make??? I can understand a theme or 'we are registered at' but just all gift cards only?????

I'm not surprised but I've not received one yet. Sad:(

I don't like that either. If your family is grown it is so much fun to look at all of the new merchandise in the stores and pick up something. Handmade gifts should be cherished. Maybe just go in with a group and throw in a few dollars for the gift card since they aren't really close to you. Sometimes I don't buy off of the registry and when my daughter got married this year many people just picked out something special for them that wasn't even on the list. DD didn't have a problem with it as she could take some of the cash and buy things off the registry after the wedding at a discount. I haven't experienced a shower where actual gifts are not acceptable.

I've been invited to one like that. Both were older (mid-30's) and had lived on their own since college and had nice things. She already had every kitchen gadget known. They asked for gift cards to Home Depot, as they'd bought an old fixer-upper house. I actually thought it was a great idea, for them. I think cards are sometimes a good idea, especially when you don't know the couples all that well.

That is very tacky and I would be upset also. You are not being old fashioned. I don't understand how people feel they can do things like that. Ann Landers would not approve of that, I'm sure.

Don't be upset about it, just figure they don't know any better..........

sandy14

I agree that it really takes the fun out of going to a shower! I am skipping the showers, but I will make the baby a gift that I will give to the grandparents to give to the parents, since I really don't see them at all.

We received a graduation invite for the children of my DH cousin. Now mind you we hadn't seen his cousin in at least 8 years. No Christmas cards, no phone call, nothing. I threw it in the trash. I think it's rude to request ANYTHING. A gift is given from someone. A gift is NOT requested. If you want to make something for the child, by all means go ahead. But since they are rude enough to request GC, they probably won't send a thank you card either. Times are getting harder and for someone, anyone to tell you what to give is rude. I'd pass.

Tacky!

Cheryl I agree!!!,
We received a baby shower invitation 2 years ago from a distant relative of hubby's. I embroidered 4 baby burp cloths and mailed them. We did not receive a thank you, no birth announcement, NADA, 2 years later we have heard nothing, so I no longer take the time to make nice gifts for someone I don't know. OTHER THAN CHARITY LOL!!!!! I have made charity gifts that the people have found a way to let me know the gift was appreciated, made my heart feel good. IMO any time I receive an invitation from out of town they are simply looking for a gift VERY SAD!!!!

Gift card would be very appropriate & appreciated in a case like this where the couple already has everything they need. Fixer-uppers are expensive so a GC would be very useful.

Tacky in the extreme. Actually, I was always taught that a gift was never required when invited to a graduation, shower or wedding, just a nice card.

After going through my DSS's high school graduation (small town, everyone knows everyone) this past June, I'm starting to feel like invitations are a blatant bid for money/gift cards/gifts. Why would they send me a invitation to their graduation when they know I'll be there for the DSS and I'll be at his party, not theirs!!!???

you wouldn't want to hear me rant if i'd received an invite for gc only! gifts are for the giver to choose. i'd choose not to give one.

I have never heard of that. Quite frankly if I were to get an invite like that, I wouldnt go. Your right, its tacky and disrespectful and rude!!

Yes , but the couple flew from Montana to Texas and had the wedding here in Texas. Getting gifts home would have been impossible flying. So they requested gift cards and provided a nice list of stores local to both areas.

Is the shower being thrown by the bride, or by her friends? It's possible she was not part of the gc-only decision, especially if she didn't register anywhere.

I think in some circumstances gift cards are a better gift choice, but I feel you should have the option to purchase a gift, make a handmade gift, OR purchase a G.C. Showers aren't as much fun if you can't see the recipient open the gifts and ooh and aah over them. I like the idea of registering at 1 or 2 stores for items and have the option of purchasing a G.C. on that registry.

It's also extremely tacky to put ANYTHING about gifts in the invitation. If you read the etiquette guides, they say not even to list where the person is registered - that should be conveyed when an invitee calls/emails to RSVP and specifically asks about registration or gift ideas.

As far as getting invitations for relative's children that you don't even know - is it possible that in the spouse's family, it' considered polite to invite all the family? I know that several of my DH's aunts were offended that they weren't originally invited to my baby shower, because in their family, absolutely everyone was invited to everything. I, on the other hand, thought an invitation would have been seen as a rude request for a gift, since I'd barely ever spoken to them. ;)

Tacky. Wouldn't it be nice if people who have everything they "need" just ask for donations to a food pantry or favorite charity? I would be aghast at the very thought of a gift card. I consider it the same as a request for money.

I was taught a gift is what the giver selects.. I find it outragious to dicate what the giver should be expected to give. It is dangerously close to asking for $$ at the door.
Often get inviations, that I classify as "fund raiser invitation" ,I decline those that fall in that category.
I am sure Miss Manners would and has had a thing or two to say about it.
One of the things I always loved about my Mom"s cupboard where she keeps the "good stuff" is that when she decided to use a piece or simply clean the contents , she can still tell me who gave her what piece as a wedding gift.

I understand there are "gift card showers", however it should have some options. I think they might as well just asked for cash. About the same diffrence.

I just gave a baby shower for my daughter-in-law a few weeks ago. It was very traditional. I put on the invitation where she was registered. I had a luncheon, and played baby shower bingo while she opened the gifts. My son and DIL are from out of town so stayed at our house that night. She came right into the house, set down and wrote out the thank yous.
I would have a hard time getting an invitation telling me they want gift cards.

I haven't gotten one of those yet but you can be sure I wont be going if I do get one.

I think that is very tacky.

I never got an invitation that wanted gift cards only. It does seem tacky, but maybe there's a reason.I personally would never put that on an invite. My daughter just got married in April. And there were 2 showers. One was up north where we used to live given by her Maid of Honor and a Bridesmaid and I had one for her work friends. The guests knew where she was registered and some got gifts from the registry and others gave gift cards or money.I just drove the gifts from the up north shower back home with me.She got the things they really wanted with the gift cards.Some of the ladies got her frilly baby dolls and sexy underwear.

I agree--it is tacky. They might as well suggested the amount of money the gift card should be for. It's like they are charging admission or something. As for the older couple who already have everything, perhaps a favorite charity would benefit instead of sugesting what gifts should be given.
Sue

If a couple has already set up house and is living together why even have a 'bridal shower' I thought the shower was to help a new couple set up house!!!!!!
I opt for the charity also!!!!!!!!!!!1

This may be a good idea as a suggestion, but not as a directive. I think I would pass on this situation. This event sound like gift-fishing.

The thank you cards are another issue. I read where a bride to be wanted to write one thank you card and pass it around at the shower. Yes, the attendees heard about it in advance. I would not attend that shower for sure!

That is so awesome that your DIL wrote out the thank-yous right away like that. I know that people wonder whether you need to write thank-yous when you've opened the gifts in front of the giver at a shower and hopefully thanked them then, but it's always nice to get a written thank-you later. And especially for anyone who mailed a gift, getting a prompt thank-you is so nice - otherwise, if you didn't put a delivery confirmation on it, you don't know if they even got it!

Couple of thoughts here.

Sometimes gift cards are the best way to go ...
- if a soon to be married couple already have their own places and don't need much 'stuff'. Coordinating the cards for certain stores - like Home Depot, Lowe's, or such - makes total sense. Remember these are guidelines, and sometimes have a purpose.
- if the person the shower is for lives far away and gifts would be hard to take home. Then there might be the option of giving a picture of the gift and then mailing the gift to them.
- if there are a lot of hand me downs already for a baby or the parents to be don't have much room for more 'stuff.'

Of course you could always call whoever is hosting the shower and talk about preferences/reasons/ etc and then decide if you can make it or not.

Funny topic in a way. This summer one gal I met said that there had been so many divorces that now she only makes picnic quilts for newly weds and waits til the 5th year anniversary before making a bed quilt.

My bridal gifts have ranged from addressing the invitations with calligraphy to decorating the reception hall. These were really appreciated gifts, too.

ali

My BGF daughter is getting married and instead of gifts, they want the quests to donate money for a vacation package to Hawaii or where ever they can go!

I think this is totally rude!

I agree! But I guess the best response is just not to respond, and the point will be made.

You're right maybe this is a new trend but I don't like it. Next they will just send you an envelope and you can mail it in! Where's the fun and tradition in that!?

I really think this is tacky. Next thing will be a request for a gift card in the amount of ____ or Not Less than ____.
I would make them a gift card, maybe something like this. 'This Gift Card good for one quilt. Colors of your choice.' Or 'This Gift Card good for one evening of Baby Sitting'.

I still go with a gift is what I want to give. If it was me I would ignore the ivite and file it in the trash. I think it is very tacty to tell you what to give as a gift. if you had asked maybe for suggestions and they said a gift card then that would be more acceptable. only my opinion.

NancyG said it well --- sometimes gift cards are a good choice, as in the previously-mentioned couple that bought a fixer-upper. But, I am sure they would enjoy a handmade touch for their new home to treasure for years to come. Its nice to give people an idea of what you would like/need, but it should ultimately be up to the giver to decide what they will do, if anything.

Not sure what's been happening lately, but its a trend that I don't like. Two of my nephews look at me as a source of income. Well, after two years of no "thank yous" I have stopped sending anything. Wonder if they'll get the hint?

I am not happy when I'm given an envelope at the shower for me to address myself so the bride can send a thank-you. They have the address from the invitation - make 2 labels.

Oh, my. This is a new one --- never heard about this. How terrible!?! Writing thank yous isn't hard, it just takes a little time. Wow!! When did complete lack of manners become acceptable? My mother had a good way to teach my brother and me about writing thank yous...as young as 7 or 8, we had to write them. As bad as they were, she sent them (I even found a couple among my grandmother's things after she died). We weren't allowed to wear the clothing/read the book/play with the toy/spend the money until after we wrote the note. That was a good motivator for us.

If you barely know the parents of the bride, why would they send invitations and such tacky requests also. I wouldn't bother giving anything, it's not like she's your best friend and there's no law that says that you HAVE to give a gift.

even though you received an invite - you are NOT obligated to provide a gift - most especially if you are not friendly with or do not know the folks involved. I would just toss the invite and forget it