I know the feeling. I worked every night before Christmas to make things for family members. My sister was very pleased, my neices loved their wall hangings (the christmas present trees) the rest had medium reactions. After all of the time I put in, I had hoped they would like them more. Not that I expect adulation, but we make these gifts because we love doing it, and hope that the gift receivers will love them also. It's a sad thing when a gift card gets more thanks than a homemade gift that is made with love. :?

That has happened to me too.

It's been my experience that most non quilters have no idea what it takes to make a quilt.

Great points everyone! But still, in all things considered proper, a thank you is appropriate. How hard is that? A handwritten note is best, but I suppose a phone call or e-mail would work too. I know you gals put so much heart into your quilty gifts. If only the recipient realized how much thoughtfulness and love went into that gift. Still, a proper thank you for ANY gift is a great way to show your appreciation for their kindess. It is a blessing to get gifts, so I think you should acknowledge the gift and express gratitude.

I've had both a good and bad experience. One quilt I made specifically for someone (my nephew) was definitely appreciated and he reminds me each time he sees me how much he loves it. When he joined the Air Force and could only take a few personal things with him during traing, he made sure to tell me that his quilt was going with him in the first load. Another was specifically made for a soldier serving in Iraq who lost his leg. He was a member of the unit that my "adopted" soldier was commanding. I even designed a special label on it commemorating his batallion, company and unit and incorporated the design on their "war" patches to be part of the quilt. I wrote a letter to include with it and everything. Never have received a word back from him, although I do know through "my" soldier that it was received. Was really disappointed with this experience, as a lot of love and effort went into that one. :(

Now my quilts are all donations to the women's shelter or anonymously for wounded soldiers. I can make up their reactions in my head and feel like they understand the significance of a hand-made quilt and that they really appreciate them. Ignorance can be bliss...and I'd rather be ignorant about their 'real' reactions if they don't appreciate them and I pretend instead that they love and cherish them. :wink:

And, I had to laugh at Janeen's post about House Hunters. I've shouted the same things at the screen in frustration. I was tickled pink when got our first teeny-tiny old run-down place, and to see these spoiled brats complaining about perfectly good (and better than we had) things needing to be replaced just blows my mind. They're the types who would look down on a 'homemade' gift regardless of the sentiment and cost and workmanship put into it. Grrrrrr! :evil:

Another thing we unfortunately need to keep in mind is that the whole concept of saying a proper Thank You for ANY gift seems to be lost. A whole generation is growing up with expectations of gifts and 'things' with no real appreciation or thought to say Thanks for them. Such a shame when common manners like this disappears. :thumbdown:

I am not sure it really has anything to do with folks not knowing the amount of work that goes into making a quilt. I find more and more that people just don't take the time or effort to acknowledge a gift. Not sure why - but people just seem to be getting lax with simple social graces.

well, get a load of this one! I made a generous size lap quilt for my neighbor lady for her birthday one year and never did see it in her house. she did mutter a "thank you" but even though they say the words, that doesn't mean they mean it. A year or so later, i happened to run in to her husband getting out of his van same time i was getting out of my car, he proceeded to tell me that he was sure enjoying the quilt i made, he's carrying it in his van to cover with when he takes a nap at his mechanics shop. evidently SHE didn't like it so she gave it to HIM for his van. i'll never make her another one. but at least i'm glad he's enjoying it. they are an older couple.

They do not have a clue! Most people have never been in a quilt shop and know that good fabric can cost up to $9 a yard, thread is expensive and that does not begin to factor in the many hours of work. Sad but true!
If I do make and sell a quilt for someone I make sure they are aware of this before I start. The other thing is if you live in a small town without a quilt shop you have to travel for your supplies. When Gas got up to $4 a gallon, I had a panic attack!

I make a lot of things by hand; crochet, cross stitch, embroidery, and quilting. I do not give those types of things to those that do not understand what goes into them. I have been hurt by it before. For those that really appreciate the time, talent, and thought that went into a hand crafted gift, there is no better feeling of appreciation than the look on their face. It makes it all worth it. I don't make them for the appreciaton but you'd like your work acknowledged.

I don't think they have a clue. I think they think that they should be able to buy one for under $200 at the most.

Hi Mary
Question I Like the quilt you have on your post notes. Do you recall the name of it?

There are several Marys here but if you are asking me mine is a Star Spin.

Funny story. One of the guys at work asked if I would make his mom two king size quilts. Said she would gladly pay up to $150.00 for both of them. After I stopped laughing :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: had to explain to him I would have more that $150.00 in supplies (fabric,batting and thread) in those two quilts. He decided maybe he didn't want them.

Each of the responses touched a nerve in me. I never give a second gift of ANY kind to anyone who hasn't acknowledged the first gift; this is not something I should brag about, but I don't need the aggravation I feel when people are unappreciative. I also give quilts only to charity or to persons that I am sure will love them and appreciate them. It's not important whether they are aware of my time, effort and money spent as long as they love the quilt(s). And yes, depending on the quilt size and complexity and quilting method, you CAN make many items of clothing in less time and with less trouble.

Funny you should say that, I'm still waiting for a thank you for the xmas gifts I sent to my niece (she's 16) and nephew (he's 19). I'm just a phone call away, guess it's too much trouble to call and say thank you.

I don't think non-quilters have any idea about how much time and money goes into a quilt either. When my first sister was turning 50, I asked my other sisters and brother (I have 4 sisters and 1 brother) if they wanted to give her a memory quilt. I would make it and the 5 of us would split the cost for materials and to send it out to be quilted. I think they almost fell over when I told them how much each owed me.

I do have to say that she loves the quilt. I've made another for sister that turned 50 - she loved it as well. Have another 50th b-day coming in July.

Dear Pal:
I am so sorry that you that all your love and hard work went unappreciated. I agree with everyone else that the vast majority of non-quilters haven't got a clue the hard work, time, money, thought and love go into planning and then puttng the whole thing together into a beautiful work of art.
I know how it feels to have all that work and love go unappreciated. I made a quilt for my younger niece as a graduation from college gift. It was a full bed size quilt and I paid much more for it then I had planned. Took weeks gathering all the material into her favorite colors. Brought 5 yards of Michael Millers pansey material at $9.00 per yard because they had her favorite colors and it was so beautiful. This way she could reverse it if she wanted to. She did say thank you when I gave it to her but the next time I visited my sister's house I saw the quilt on top of her sister's bed. Now you may say, well that is not too bad but my middle niece, who I adore, is in the habit of coming in from the stable and laying on top of whatever is on the top of her bed. Needless to say the quilt was a mess. I was very hurt but I have learned the people who do appreciate things like this and they are the only ones I will gift something like this to.

I don't think the word "thank you" are in their vocabulary. This year I decided not to make any more gifts for my 10 granddaughters, except for 2. All others took the package, no thank you, don't know if they even opened them at the party. I spent many hours making what I thought they would enjoy. NO MORE> My friends gave me a big thank you, and admired the fabric I used. So, Friends only will get gifts.
Cheer up, your not alone.

I guess the bottom line is the degree of pleasure you got from making and gifting the quilt. All you can control is the joy you have in the making and giving. You can't control their reaction. Thank you's are nice, but do seem to be a dying art.

BJ:
I agree with you. I had a lot of fun making it, it was my second quilt and did it in turning twenty design with fairy blocks for big block centers and different colors of purple along the edges. I loved it and it made me proud that I made it since I am 60 and never sewed before this. Truly that is all that matters at this point.
I did make a quilt for each of my 3 grandsons, ages 8 (dinosaur theme), 5(bug theme), and 4 (construction truck theme) respectively. They LOVED them and the crocheted scarfs I made each of them and they all thanked me indivdually and told me what parts they liked the best aobut their quilts.
Hey I know all of my family loves me and they ALL appreciate everything I do for them. I think the hurt was all about me and not about them. That is why I agree with you BJ.
Enjoy the picture it was a fun time and that is what I remember most.

I didn't get a thank you for the quilt I made my grandson for Christmas , either . I found out Friday that it still in the gift bag ! Never took it out . Well no more quilts for him . I wouldn't be surprised to see it out in the yard for their dog to drag around .


What really irked me about 4 years ago I handquilted a large panel for the man next door . He paid me , thanked me . I went over a week or so later , he had hung it . Not with the hanging sleeve ! Huge nails drove through it . Well my heart just sank . I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something .

Annie

One thing we need to do is to be sure and lead by example. I have gotten some wierd gifts over the years but I try to express my appreciation of their thought.

For those of us that are parents we need to be sure our children say thank you. My youngest daughter was recently married and even though she is an adult I made a point of asking her if she got all of the thank yous mailed out. I am proud to say she did (before I asked). (I'm still wondering if some of the gifts I gave to others actually made it to their destination)

Some of you have such sad stories. My heart breaks for the time and money that you spent only to have your quilts trashed.

My daughters and my sisters are the only people that I will quilt for now. Oh, I forgot my husband. He's very appreciative to have his own man quilt (one without flowers). My sister's start crying when I give them a new quilt. I am happy to do this for them. None of my four sisters sew. I give them two rules. I never want to see the quilts outside being dragged down the sidewalk by a kid. And no pets on the quilts. My sisters all have big dogs. They know that they will never get another quilt if their families don't take care of it. I have a large house but really, how many quilts do I need displayed? So my sisters are the lucky ones.

I will not make any more quilts for my mother or the in-laws. My mom scaled down her house to go live in Florida. She gave me back all the pictures of the grandkids that I ever sent and the quilts I made. I designed and hand quilted a quilt using flour sack fabric that my grandmother had. That quilt had zero sentimental value to her apparently. At least she had the courtesy to give it back to me. I won't even get into why the in-laws aren't worthy. :mrgreen:

My oldest daughter had no idea until one day she asked me what it costs me to make a quilt. I explained the cost of QS fabric, patterns, thread, batting, sewing and quilting time and or money if you have it quilted. I noticed that she now takes much better care of her quilts that I have made for her.
I just try to remember that once I give something as a gift, it is up to the recipient to decide how they want to handle it. It is no longer mine, it is theirs.
I make a lot of charity quilts for my church and my 2 guilds and I find that I am much more joyful if I just look at the beauty of the project and not the cost or time. I just love to quilt and it does my heart good to just share my God given talents with others. :)

I know exactly how you feel.....I have been there, done that with my granddaughter when she had her last baby. I very rarely get an acknowledgement, much less a thank you, when I give any gift to my younger family members. In fact, I have "forgotten" them at Christmas and birthdays when this happens too often.

I am so sorry to hear that your hard work is not appreciated. I am finding that to be the case in my own family. I make a quilt with love and thoughts of the person I am making it for only to have it barely acknowledged. I guess it takes a "quilter" to appreciate a quilter.

My look at all your responses! I've only made quilts for my GC. They have always given me hugs and kisses. Now, they are teenagers, and learning the art of quiltmaking. I think they understand the time and frustrations in quilting. I'm in the process of designing (1st time ever) a quilt for a friend. Hopefully, I will get a thank you from her.

quiltntime that is the cutest little dog! what kind?

I have given away almost all of the quilts I have made. Some of the people are very appreciative and others not so much. But I remember when we were newly married we got a quilt from my husband's grandmother. It didn't match anything in our house and I used to throw it on the floor for my babies to lay on and we took it on picnics. I didn't have a clue!! I even threw it out when it got all tattered. Now, it makes me sick to think I did that. I have ones my mother-in-law made and an aunt made, they match nothing and I treasure them. I wish they would have singed them.
One daughter loved the quilts I made her kids but she's put them away and no one sees them and they don't get damaged. My daughter in law uses them all the time and that makes me feel good. Something I made is giving warmth and comfort to my grand babies.
When people ask me if I sell my quilts I always say no one would pay the price. And it's true. I hand quilt only, so they do take lots of time.
My youngest son loves his and asked me to make it larger when he got a larger bed. I did.When we went to visit I noticed he had the corner turned back to expose the signature. I just put it back down but when I saw it that way again I asked him why he did that, he said he wanted anyone who saw it to know it wasn't just any quilt, it was made by me for him. Can't get any better compliment than that.

What a wonderful son you have. And what a wonderful mother he has. I have a granddaughter who lost her daddy when she was 14 mo. old (our son) and she had no memories of him except what her mother told her so I put together a photo album quilt for her with pictures of her and her daddy and then her daddy as he was growing up until he passed away. He was in the Army and so his army picture is beside one of her on the label and it says "I will always be your guardian angel" I put 2 - 9" pocets on the back for her to put any letters she wants to write to him and the other to put a journal in to write things that people tell her about her daddy so she will have some memories as she grows older. She is 11 now. She won't let her half siblings touch it but she shows it to everyone and tells them about her daddy now. I also put long ties in it so when she says her prayers at night she can say one for her daddy and mommy and tie a knot for the prayer. She will never part with it. She still has the one I made for her when she was born and I have repaired it so she can still snuggle up in it too. She wants me to teach her but she live 400 miles from me so when she comes for a visit we sit and learn together. I feel so blessed!! God gave me the skills for reasons beyond what I can fathom.

No, non-quilters are CLUELESS!!! People don't even have an idea of what good cotton fabric is, much less the price.

If you want to see shock, just tell someone what your time and costs are for making them a quilt. They will opt for the $69 QVC quilt every time.

I make quilts for family members who know how much goes into each one. They value them. Mostly I make quilts for my home and that is it now. The quilts I made for my mother, dad and grandparents don't get used at all because they are afraid to ruin them! LOL That is a compliment in a way!

I used to make quilts for a friend, but when I stopped under-charging her for the work, she cancelled her remaining orders.

Quilt because it makes you happy! And if someone is ungrateful, tell them you would like it back! It's better than hurt feelings on your part.

I give all of my quilts away. I was at my aunts house. Her Best friend was there I was showing my Aunt my newest Quilt. And her friend fell in love with it... so I asked her to hold it for me...... forever.... she still loves the Quilt... and rants and raves about it.... Thats the kind of matches I like to make....

i think non-quilters don't have a clue, but that is the same as I don't have a clue at what it takes to make a piece of furniture!

I can make clothes also, but I enjoy quilting much better,making clothing frustrates me, it never turns out like it is supposed too. Quilting is a job, I have made ones from king size to baby quilts, they are alot of work but you get to express your imagination. and I am sure that people who dont make them have no idea or even a clue how much goes into them.

Your story is beautiful!! and gave me chills. I think quilting serves serveral purposes. that is how we can carry on a quilting tradition.

I am happy to make quilts. My first quilt was made to give away, but it took my third impending grandchild before I was convinced that a quilt would be a good gift. Four quilts later, all the GC have quilts and I'm happy. They can be rough with these, because I'm learning and will one day make nicer ones. The only quilt I have kept is, ironically, the one I made with fabric I didn't like. My intent was to give it to a nursing home, but being an institutionalized facility they said they couldn't use it. Meanwhile, I'm content to keep making quilts and will find people to give them to. I like the idea of making quilts for women's safe houses.

I think bj had a really good point... the only thing we can control is how much we get out of it.

I recently made a wall hanging in memory of a friend's little girl who died of cancer, just shy of her third birthday.

Another friend asked what I was going to do with it when it was finished, and I had to confess I had no idea. It was the process, not the product, that was important.

It was the process of making it that I needed to do, do deal with my grief, and the end result was ...... not irrelevant, but not as important as the making was.

When it was finished I was so pleased with it I did give it to the family, and they loved it and hung it up. If they hadn't liked it, I wouldn't have been hurt, my backup plan was to raffle it to raise funds for the Child Cancer Foundation over here.

I guess the point I'm trying to make (I'll get there eventually! LOL) is that sometimes the love and time you pour into a quilt is for you, not someone else. YOU know how much it cost (financially and emotionally) and that's enough.

Once it leaves your hands, you have to let go.

Kara's reply was right on. Pick and choose your quilt recipients. In your heart of hearts you know you have done a wonderful job wih your quilt and that alone is enough for me. Also, I would really have to think over whether I would make a hand quilted (except wall hangings and such) for anyone who is not quilt savvy. Save those for your friends who REALLY appreciate it. And I find the lack of gift acknowledgement in the younger generation a real turn off for me.

BlueChicken:
Your story was beautiful and really touched my heart. I agree with everything you said. We quilt for ourselves and the satisfaction it gives us. The time we spend is love time in everyway. That is what I remember now when I give my quilts away. I do it because I want to and because I care about the person I give it to.

I make sure the receiver knows how many hours I spent making the quilt. Especially the hand quilted ones. I generally get a better reaction.

That's how I feel about it, as well.

i'm sorry that people are so rude.. i haven't given a quilt away in a long time but have crocheted baby afghans and not even get a thank you card. one person has it written out but wants her aunt to bring it to me---can't she just mail it? that has been 3 months ago---good grief!!!