Amen sister! What one finds displeasing to the eye, another might find quite lovely, unique or original. So I always find something nice to say even if it's not my cup of tea. It's just good manners.

"Being positive and encouraging is essential,"
but damning with faint praise is harmful"


i agree with the above points;
you need to know when to keep QUIET in order to accomplish that first statement!!!!
the second part of that statement is to be avoided, b/c as you say, it is HARMFUL!

You said what I think!!

Same here.

I like the comments I am reading on this thread. When people take the time to post pictures, it is because they are excited! I, personally, can only encourage that. Quilting is not just about the end result, it is a process, a hobby, a passion, a kindness to be shared. Quilters are by nature generous, kind, loving, thoughtful, encouraging people. A kind word never hurt anyone....

Well said erstan947 and I agree with you.

Don't give "false" praise. If you can't see something praiseworthy (even amid the mistakes) then just leave it alone. But let your praise be genuine if given.

When I first started working at a LQS (don't work there now) I was the only one who liked country quilts. Everyone else liked bright, bold, loud quilts. In good fun we’d laugh and joke with each other about our different tastes. They’d yawn at my quilts and I’d put my sunglasses on to look at theirs. Then I converted to a bright, bold quilter but still like quieter ones too. They also came to appreciate country and plaid quilts.

It takes time for a quilter to learn and grow. Tastes change. I believe if they like what they have done and are happy with their quilt that is all that matters. If they are pointing out a flaw and specifically asking for help to improve or stop a mistake from happening again then giving them guidance tactfully is good.

I think you are right on about why people post, and how and why people respond to a posted picture.

I hope that most people know their relative technical skill and design sense. Some quilters may be pleased with their level of competence and some may be on a journey to self-improvement.

If we are asked for help, and we can give it, great. If someone wants affirmation and we can give an attagirl or find something to praise, great. If someone is frustrated by a project and we can give a pep talk or a pick-me-up or a little sympathy, great. If someone wants a critique, and we can offer positive suggestions for improvement, great. By and large, we on this board do just that, over and over and over again, for hundreds of quilters who post pictures, and that is why so many people like to post their pictures!

Totally agree...I like the journey where the learning and experiences take place. I love the process from my first quilt to the challenge of my latest one and love this board which has helped me become a better and more confident quilter.

I honestly can't believe that it hurts to tell someone what they have done is nice.....there are so many skill levels that we are all on...from early beginners to advanced quilters. What does it hurt anyone to offer encouraging words and praise to a beginne. They may have a few points off or a block a bit wonky...comfirmation is whats needed...so why not give a bit of praise...its a learning process and without the encouragement of a friendly group like this, a would be, someday accomplished quilter may not ever develop, if nothing but sarcastic criticisms are given. We were all beginners at one time and when we got a few attaboys and good jobs, we sure felt good about them. So if you can't offer that, then move on and and say nothing and hope the next time you post something you get a few "Nice Jobs and beautiful work"....Kindness costs nothing

In reading the comments about criticism or complements I felt that I wanted to say something. I haven't known about this site very long but have been impressed by the encouragement. This is a hobby for people and if we don't make prize winning quilts...who cares. If it is something that we obtain pleasure and serenity from then it is a blessing. If I post something and you feel that it needs improvement please PM me as my feelings won't be hurt. I like to improve but I would just die if you said something like "that is the ugliest quilt I have ever seen or none of the seams match". I would never come back and then I would never learn new stuff. The LQS charges too much for classes and I have learned so much here for free. Thanks for the help!

If I don't like what I see, I just don't say anything.

Who is so perfect that they can judge someone else's work???

The only ones who can say someones quilt is poorly made or the color choice the other person has made is wrong are the quilt police. Other than that lets just be gracious. If someone is posting a pic of their latest accomplishment unless it is for the ugliest fabric contest, then I would say they are proud and pleased with their choices unless specifically asking for Help. One persons colors are not someone elses colors. Anyone who takes the time and efffort to complete a quilt is deserving of a gracious comment. That is my anti quilt police statement and I will stand by it.

There is a big difference between false praise and encouragement. We are all (or most of us) are still in the earlier phases of our quilting journey and we value the encouragement we are given.

I think that when someone asks for creative suggestions about their work, then it is okay to give them your ideas. No one can develop without someone who is willing to help them see areas where they need to work.

The value of a piece of art is truly in the eye of the beholder. There are pieces (famous) of art that I think are horrible and would never want in my home while other pay a great deal of money for them. I keep this in mind when I look at the quilts.

With much respect.

I do like your response. I quit quilting for awhile just because of some very unkind remarks made about blocks I made for a quilt club's lottery blocks. I was a newbie and I must have made 5 blocks for every block I finally took in (I took in 3). All the blocks were laid on the table anonymously. Were my blocks terrible? It's been so long that I honestly cannot remember - but I surely did not merit that kind of discouragement. So in essence - I do believe if you cannot say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And if someone asks you for guidance - give it lovingly.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Who are we to tell them it is ugly, they liked the colors and patterns on the material enough that they made it. Yes we should help them by suggesting a brighter color on one peice or maybe a a different border. But we should not tell them it is ugly just because "WE" don't like it.

Doghousemom said: When I see a pic of a first quilt or block by a new quilter, and their post starts with something like 'yippee - look what I did!' ... the block could be totally wonky but I wouldn't dare say a word. At that point of "oh my God I actually sewed a bunch of pieces together" - let them have that glory. I would prefer to see them retain that excitement and passion over the possibility of dashing it by saying it isn't right (which may make them think quilting is just too hard!). If they decide they love quilting they'll be seeing more quilts, the more they see the more they'll see the differences, and hopefully the more they will learn.[/quote]

I agree with dog house mom.
Does anyone start out with a perfect quilt? or make the second, third or next one perfect (but maybe they have improved a skill), or even make a perfect quilt everytime after many years experience? We all have our challenges, hopefully we learn from them.
Encouragement is different than false praise. I won't say anything if I can't say it honestly and won't critique unless asked.

As long as people give an honest, constructive opinion that is not rudely put, I think things should be acceptable.One can accept or disregard suggestions. However, if we live in an 'echo chamber' and only hear what we want to hear all of the time, we cannot look at things in objective ways. The best criticism I got from a quilting teacher/judge was followed up by constructive criticism about how she thought my quilts could be improved and it was well warranted even though they were fairly nice quilts.I continue to improve because of this.

I like people's comments that point out than quilting is partly about the journey. I mostly know where my skill level is and I definitely know when I look at something that is way out of my league. Because I'm a beginner, should I not even try? Is there no place in this world for my humble creations?

This is about more than quilting. This is my philosophy of life. There is room for all of us- from the jaw-droppingly beautiful to the lumpy and bumpy. To say that there is no value in the less than perfect is to discredit humanity. Who is to say that good can not come from my humble creation? Will it win a ribbon? Probably not, but will it keep the chair's upholstery clean? Sure!

Now, as others have pointed out, when advice is sought, absolutely, it should be given honestly with loving kindness. When someone is ready to celebrate their accomplishments, we should also lovingly celebrate with them.

Can you imagine not applauding a child's first attempts to walk on her own but instead critiquing her on how she can improve her coordination and balance?

My baby steps are just that, my baby steps! They are my experience in creativity and in structure. They are my sincere attempts to create something useful that will adorn my little slice of the world. Now, if I try to sell or push one of my "creations" off on you, you have the right to say, "No thank you" or even "What in the world were you thinking?" Otherwise, a comment of "good trying!" is sufficient!

This has been one of the most supportive communities, virtual or otherwise, that I've ever encountered. I love the level of support and the atmosphere of friendship. It is a refuge from the "quilt police" voices, whether those of friends, acquaintances, or the voices in my head! The quilt police voices in my head tell me not to bother creating or at least, don't show or tell anyone because my creations aren't perfect and therefore not good enough to publicly acknowledge. The QB message is that it is good enough to share, because I'm doing the best that I know how to do. My next project will be better because of what I've learned while working on my last project.

That is my soapbox! Perfection is a fabulous goal, but to deny any sort of value for something or someone that is imperfect is a tragic life mistake.

I agree, I just put up some different arrangements of the quilt blocks I am working on, and I got some awfully good feedback. I welcome the good and the bad, and so far the feedback that I have received has really helped me. So when I post stuff I really want the truth.

Verna2197

We all quilt at different levels, each doing their best.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything. You don't know the path leading to the finished quilt. If you are asked for advice then give it gently. If someone would have picked apart my first attemps at quilting I would have quit.

People who are always willing to give advice remind me of my mother-in-law. She is busy tearing down people because she think it makes her look better.

We all have different taste, likes and dislikes. And if they post something, they must be proud of it. So, I do what my mama always told me,"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

if you say nothing the person is left feeling very poorly, wondering, embarassed that something is not right, but, what is it? I think that is awful too. Perhaps one could say..you have really worked hard. If I were to try out that design, I would love to use these colors. I have even made the same design several times trying out different ideas and techniques. It was a fun learning session....or I remember how when I started out to quilt that I watched you tube videos to pick up hints. Have you ever had the fun of that? After making a few quilts trying out suggestions, I took classes that could help me focus on improving. Quilting is an endless opportunity to learn about color, technique, design. Don't you just love the challenge. You are never bored.

I agree! What is beautiful to some is not necessarily beautiful to others. But I would never want to say something that might discourage someone from trying. My mother always told me if at first you don't succeed, try, try again! What keeps us trying? Encouragement!

Personally I believe that not everyone is on an equal level and when someone is trying to create something who are we to tell them they are doing it wrong. If it makes them and those they are around happy who are we to think that we should take that away from them. I will venture to say that none of us started out perfect it was a long process of trial and error. But I can guarantee you that if someone had torn down what I made the first time " I probably wouldn't have made another" since then I have won a number of first place ribbons and I have sold hundreds of quilts in my shop so in answer to your question No I don't think it is our right to act as a teacher and grade what they do. Complimenting someone for what they have done will make them try again and again. Just my humble opinion

I usually do not comment unless I truly do like it and it calls out to me. Otherwise, I let you more experienced quilters offer help.

I quilt because it gives me an opportunity to create what I like. I am somewhat of a perfectionist but that depends on many things...mood, alertness, patience, etc. I have been told, "There are NO PERFECT quilts because those that make them are human, and there was only one PERFECT human."
I appreciate encouragement and advice if asked for. I love the tips, tuts, and pics from all. They help me create.

False Praise is a lie. Encouragement is a true gift.

No one requires you to comment on something you don't like. And God made us all different just as he did everything in and on our earth. We all like different things, colors, and have different talents...look for the beauty in someone else's talent and taste.

Be kind. It never hurts.

I hope all will continue to post pictures, questions, encouragement, opinions when asked, tuts, and the beauty they have created because it encourages me and brightens my day.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of this forum, and appreciate all that I have learned. I also appreciate the kindness shown to me in many ways.

I agree 100% Nancy - That "old" saying (If ya can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all) is still a good one to keep in mind. If they ask, offer diplomatic alternate 'possibilities'.

I think most of us on here do this because we love quilting, the challenge of it, the comfort it give us, or sharing our 'warmth' w/someone we love or for a good cause. I know there are professionals on here who are in it for the $$$, but I think they also do it because the love it. For the most part we just love whatever quilting gives us.

In this day & age there are enough NEGATIVE things going on in the world & way too many critics. Does it REALLY make us feel better to bash someone else?

Just my two cents worth -

Everyone have a blessed day - & SMILE, GOD LOVES YOU!!! :lol:

Good idea kathy

VERRRRRY TRUE!!!!

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

I was told once that I try to find the good in people when there really isn't any. That hurt me, but maybe I do find something good where other won't. I don't give praise unless I see something that I like. And I would rather look for something good than look for the negative. Remember the old adage...if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Why hurt someone's feelings. If they ask for help or advice then that's different.

Ditto here. Even if all you can find is a color that you like all you have to say is something like this. "That is a lovely shade of yellow that you used." you do not have to lie but my grandma always said " If you cannot say something good about something do not say anything."

I try to do my best but still make mistakes. Try to find something nice to say or say nothing. I think we all try to do our best. Things happen.

Well Iwanted to comment on False Praise, but you guys(gals), stole all my thoughts :lol: Thanks, now what am i going to do,oh i suppose i could start another quilt :-)

Hey are you all retired, doesnt anybody have a job :lol: (oh wait a minute..... my excuse im laid off and looking for work,apparently not very hard at the moment) :thumbup:

Really, you all are very thoughtful, cool people, we should all go outfor coffee

I like to use this type of experience for teaching rather than critize. I ask how they did whatever the project is and then ask, if they found it difficult. If they had a problem then go on to tell them how I would maybe approached the project. Always trying to be positive and ecouraging. I view quilting as an art and they beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

This is an awsome post with good responses.

I agree with hobo2000, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything.