I was always taught "If you can't say something good, say nothing at all."

I agree 100%. Sometimes we have to remember that what looks great to us in our early quilting careers may not look so good to us when we have more experience under our belts. But that will work itself out as we gain skill. Meanwhile, in order not to discourage anyone, we all need encouragement, but it should be on the 'encouraging' side, rather than on the 'effusive' side. That said, I'll confess to being effusive sometimes, because when I see a quilt I think is outstanding, I can't contain myself - if a quilt inspires joy in me, I'll probably gush about it... and there are plenty of those on this board. There are so many truly talented people on this board, it makes my head spin. Thank you all for sharing.

I think there is always, always, always SOMETHING positive to say. Whether it's excellent choice of colors, unique choice of colors, interesting choice of colors, you worked very hard, what a perfect size for snuggling - whatever - you can say something positive. But when someone asks about their techinical abilities and they are not so good - that's a bit harder. I always try to say find some area where their points DID match or the quilting IS good, and focus on that. I think when people look at your work and don't say anything, so as not to say anything NOT nice, it's disheartening, too.

Ditto! Never like to dash someone's glory. I know the first few quilts I made looked crappy, but encouragement and praise keep you striving for better!

Generally, if I don't find some merit in the quilt, I don't comment. Sometimes, though, the quilter is looking for advice or feedback to improve her skills and then I think we should try to help. There is almost always something positive to say, even if it is just that the quilter made a fine effort. I do agree that paying effusive compliments to a quilt that doesn't offer much is probably not helpful or genuine.

My mother used to say this ALL the time when I was growing up - now I tell my girls that. So true!

When a quilter has the courage to show their quilt, they are obviously very proud of it and should be encouraged with praise. I wouldn't critique unless asked and only if I am experienced enough to give good advice on that particular quilt design. If I can't find one good thing to say about it, then I wouldn't comment on it. I wouldn't want to be the cause of someone giving up a hobby because of some unkind words. Afterall, art is in the eye of the beholder :-)

At some point, all of us had quilts that didn't look "right". This works for me--- "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything"!!!!

I have never seen a quilt that wasn't lovely because I know how much work goes into each and every quilt. Even if the points are cut off, the fabric choices are not the ones I would choose, a lot of time, love and work go into each and every quilt. I try to point out the good points and forget about the bad ones. I can remember a time when I wasn't as good at quilting as I am now. Every quilt maker gets better with practice. Please find something to admire about every quilt your see. If it is just recognizing how much work went into it.

I agree. And if ask for opinions that is what I want.

Ditto!

Ya know again on this same subject. I remember the very first quilt I ever made was one for my daughter when she was probably about eight years old. It was made up of squares and I knowwwwwww it was defiantely not perfect in any way shape or form but she loved that quilt because her mommy made it for her. I never realized just how important that quilt was too her untill she had her first child. I went and spent a week with her and had to go into her closet for something and there it was folded up in the corner of her closet. I took it out and looked at it and it was completley thread barin and looked much more like a rag then a quilt. I asked her why in the world she still had it and she said because you made it for me mom. I went home and immediately made her another one! so no matter what the quality is" It means something to someone. And I can honestly say with all the nice quilts that I have made since then " Not a one of them will ever make me feel better then that one did. It still brings tears too my eyes.

One of my mother's favorite bits of wisdom, along with "Pretty is as pretty does," and "a lady doesn't touch her face in public," and "sit like a lady!" (and a few dozen others--all good advice, I might add!)(I realize it even more now that my granddaughters are "coming of age!")

This reminds me of an article I read a few months back from a child psychologist regarding telling a child they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. According to him this is the wrong thing to tell the child. Instead you should tell them they may try many things in life before they find the one thing they are truly good at. If someone asks for advice I will try to give the most honest and kind response. If they are wanting me to agree with them and I can't, that's when no response is given. And yes I still try to live by "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all".

You said that beautifully! I totally agree!

I used to belong to a woman's club where all kind of handicrafts were taught and done by the members. We had a member who would win in any category at any level local, regional or provincial and a wonderful teacher. No one could equal her to give praise to a beginner . She would put her arm around your shoulder, give you a hug and find words to compliment or encourage you. I learnt from her to give honest praise, a little Gee, you put lots of hours doing that quilt! is better than nothing at all. Most of the time that simple remark would open the door to discuss the problems that happened.

Not everyone is of the same skill level. As people sew they improve. I don't believe it is right to criticize when they have done their best. Quite often they know it needs improving on but they don't need to be discouraged by criticisms. As far as color choices, not every one enjoys the same colors or color scheme. As the saying goes: "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." Someone may have done the very best they can just to have someone else criticize their work. Find something good to say or don't say anything.

Thanks for all your responses. They were all very interesting to read.

When I was taking a hand quilting class, the teacher told us the first night not to worry about the size of our stitches, but to work on even consistent stitches. So I went home and did my homework, deliberately making the stitches larger than desirable so that I could work on rocking the needle and getting them all the same size.

When I took my work to the next class, the quilt police were there . One lady was really curt and dismissive because of my large stitches. Another was kind enough to tell me that the even, consistent stitches were really good for a beginner and when I practised getting them smaller I would be a really good hand quilter.

I didn't ask either one of those ladies for advice, but the difference in the way they told me my stitches were too big was a good learning experience for me.

BTW a third lady was effusive and sugary because she was trying to be nice. :D

Hand quilting is my passion and I am reasonably good at it.

I am stubborn and if I want to learn to do something I'll do it regardless of what anyone has to say, but the lady who gently criticized me with no false praise taught me more than hand quilting.

I definately agree! I put out a post recently and asked for HONEST opinions. Some very brave soles emailed me and gave me their HONEST opinion in a private message. Thanks for not embarrasing me for all to see. I have seen some very poor workmanship here and have a hard time saying its beautiful, etc when it is not. I usually just don't comment at all if I have nothing nice to say. I really did respect and appreciate the advise I got from those HONEST opinions. I asked for that because I am truly interested in improving my skills.

If someone asks for something, such as color combo's, how you think this should be laid out, of course I offer my true opinion of how I would do it. My tastes for color combining may not be the same, but, I offering my opinion. However, if someone posts a picture of their quilt and does not ask any questions, they must really like the quilt or I don't think they would have posted it. If I don't like it, I won't comment on it. I may send a private msg and ask about a certain element and how I see through my eyes. Never insult anyone. We are all crafters, some with more experience then others, but, some with less deserve some encouragement

My reference to colour choice had more to do with contrast than personal taste. I took a drunkard's path course with all skill levels represented. One of the ladies in the class had chosen two calico prints of the same value. When she was putting her paths together they didn't look the same as most of the others. She was perplexed as to why. So a couple of us told her that it needed more contrast. She was grateful.

I have seen several quilts that were really well made, but because there wasn't much contrast, the pattern didn't show as well. That's what I meant.

This what My Maw always said . Just because its not to your liking doesn't mean some one didn't put a lot of work & love into a project. You can always find something nice to say because your not perfect !!!!!!!!!

And as a new quilter, I thank you for this! Trust me, I see the hugemongous mistakes in my quilt, and I'm sure others do to, especially if they look closely. I am just glad that I actually got it done. I'm working hard on my next quilt, and hoping there are fewer mistakes visible on it.

wonderful, great resposes here-this is really thought provoking-and i am happy to report, there has been no negative, hurtful resposes-thanks to all who posted-i have read every one, and like the great people you are, learned a lot-that is why i joined, and come to this board daily :) thanks for being my friends

I think when someone posts something with a statement like "the borders are really wavy on this top" - the person is aware that it isn't as good as he/she can make it - but perhaps does not know how to fix/improve/change it -

and something can be done to improve it at that point -

is it doing the person a favor by saying "oh, it doesn't matter" etc etc etc?

Will the person be happy with it several years down the road when a relatively easy change would/could have made it much better?

I dont believe in "false praise", however, I do believe in either not saying anything if you dont have something nice to say about the project. Usually, you can compliment SOMETHING. ALSO, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Many might think a quilt is "stunning" "love choice of colors" "fabulous" and others might find the same project "ugly" "hate the colors" etc. Find what you like about something or just dont comment.

The skill level on the board is from absolute beginners to extremely experienced. There is something good in whatever quilt is posted, even one that the QP might think in horrendous. Remember, the person put in hours of their time trying to make something. It may be their first quilt or their first attempt at a new technique.

I firmly believe their are no experts in quilting and even the ugliest and most mistake filled quilt has beauty.

Honesty can be brutal. If someone asks for suggestions, I'll give constructive feedback. It is a rare person who doesn't know problems with their own work. I figure if they want my critique they will ask for it. If they don't ask for it, I keep my mouth shut. I don't believe everyone is entitled to my opinion.

We all learn from our mistakes and depending on our level of quilting even professional quilters make mistakes,that is part of life. We learn from our mistakes. What I don't agree with is the way it is said sometimes,it can make or break someones confidence. I remember going to a quilt show and told an older lady that I was a quilter too (beginner) but I sew my pieces together by machine she said that's not quilting I was so hurt I almost cried then someone said to me it's a new world out there and she only sees her way as the right way if I would of listened to her I would not be quilting today but here I am and I still make mistakes. Be careful how you give advice, your way may not be everyone's way and there are no quilting police out there. No one is perfect. Give credit for them trying so hard they will improve as time goes on we all started as beginners. Your color scheme may not be theirs. Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to their own opinion, but don't try to make yours the right one. .....Remember the poem Quilt of Holes it was a beautiful. We all see things in a different light.

I always say,"It is your quilt, your creation". How does someone know it is a mistake? Maybe you planned it that way. I have a friend who is a perfectionist. She looses sleep if every seam doesn't match up exactly.I don't think she enjoys quilting because she is so perfect. I always tell her this. I do agree with others above, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. I don't think someone would ask for advice/opinions if they didn't mean it. Don't get critical. Quilting should be something we enjoy doing.

I totally agree with this comment When I began I had no idea what could be improved and I was thrilled with how my quilt(s) turned out. As I continued to quilt, in retreats and classes, my quilting improved considerably. I am amazed how far I have come. Might have been different if the quilt police had dinged me in the beginning! There's is always something positive that can be said. And if not, best to keep mouth shut and foot out!

Everybody's idea of beauty is different. Who am I (or you) to say a quilt is not attractive? To someone else, it may be gorgeous. The quilt police should be disbanded.

I like to do it that way also. But often I see "constructive criticisms" given in a very kind way and I think that really does help people. I also agree with one of the posters--we really don't have to comment. Although if you are made like me, keeping quiet is sometimes a challenge. :) :)

It is quite possible that what you re looking at IS an improvement over what the quilter has done in the past. To continue to find fault when people are trying to improve is very discouraging to those who are tyring to move forward. When people ask for help with a project, want to know what needs change, etc., the person acting as critic can gently offer advice.

But be careful even then. After all, what do you want your husband/friend or other to say when you ask, "Do I look fat in these jeans?"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". If someone really likes a certain color combination that I don't enjoy; it isn't my place to be critical. I recently heard someone make a statement about a quilt that had very simple blocks and bold colors. The person who provided the unsolicited opinion stated the quilt wasn't very artistic and should have more depth. The quilt was simplistic but still beautiful in the way Amish quilts are. I felt badly for the quilter whose work was being critisized. It just wasn't necessary to devalue the work of that quilter.

In-person comments are easier to make than on-line. A while back, at a show and tell, someone displayed their WIP and was met with the usual oohs and ahas. As she folded the quilt and placed it back in her bag, I could tell by her expression that something wasn't right.

Later, I approached her, (with some trepidation, I might add, we were strangers). I asked if I could have another look at her quilt. We pulled it out and spread it over a couple of tables. She said that something wasn't right, but couldn't figure it out. I found a couple of blocks that didn't look quite right, but wasn't sure why. She pointed out a couple more. I learned that she was using a block of the month pattern from a chain store. We discussed color batches, and slight differences in the design. She had been picking them up from time-to-time, and at different stores when they were on sale or she had coupons. I speculated they were different patterns, just vary similar.

A couple of months later, she pulled out the finished quilt. The odd-ball blocks were missing. Aside, she told me that she had studied the packages, and had different kit pieces. She found the correct pieces on e-bay, and finished it properly. They were so similar, that she figured no one would really know but her, but it made her feel better that we had studied it together and had identified the problem. Now she had a quilt that she was proud of.

Did anyone notice? We don't know. The only thing I had noticed was her facial expression. She was looking for opinions on her WIP, but didn't know how to ask, and no one offered anything but praise. I cried when I went home, because I felt her joy, and knew that I may have contributed part of her solution.

Perhaps that is what many of the previous thread comments lead to - someone is asking for an opinion, but don't necessarily know how to ask. A PM is stepping to the back table for a closer examination, and quiet conversation. Yet some people accuse a PM as a snide comment from the QP. It is indeed a gray area. I guess we need to learn to read between the lines to find those facial expressions.

Thanks to everyone who says nothing at all, rather than cut down progress. Thanks to those who give their honest opinion when asked. Thanks to everyone who finds that silver lining in the quilted cloud, and offers a positive comment. Thanks to those who dare to post their efforts, for we all learn from each other. Thanks to the administrators and moderators (the quilt board police) for allowing us to have these meaningful opportunities to share opinions. These are the values of this QuiltingBoard.

There are a thousand ways to make a quilt. Who are we to think only our way is correct? Sometimes I think critisism or the whole quilt police issue has more to do with the ugly in the person giving the critisism than the need for the quilter to be enlightened!

Everyone has different taste in color and style who is to say what is right and what is wrong? Sometimes people are working with fabric they have on hand and can't afford to trot off to the local quilt shop and buy the correct fabric, piece a top, and send it off the the long arm quilter to be finished. Not everybody is a perfectionist and do not need to be. Everyone has different challenges whether it is vision, motor skills, lack of funds or equipment, the list is endless. The only quilts we should critisize are our own.

I agree with most of the other posts on here if you can't say something nice don't say anything. If someone asks how to fix something or change something then share your knowledge freely. There is no right or wrong way to make a quilt, just alot of new fads and ideas.(mostly to make money off of us quilters!)Remember alot of the original quilts we love and oogle over were just worn out rags pieced together to keep their familys warm. :)

I agree wholeheartedly!

LOVE your turtle quilt (off topic, but couldn't help exclaiming on your lovely work).

On topic: I had the privilege of hearing an internationally renown quilter speaking last night at a meeting of our local quilting guild. She said she never finished a quilt (and hers have graced the covers of magazines and hang in the national quilt museum) without wishing she had done something differently--this panel was too light, it should have been smaller/larger, I should/shouldn't have had used yellow, why on earth did I use turquoise.....She said it with a smile but we all know what she's talking about. In that spirit, I think most of us would appreciate any constructive observations that help us grow and develop as quilters.

I avoid making any comments if I can't find something positive to say. It probably would be better to offer some helpful advice, so that the quilter would learn and become a better quilter, but I don't think I have the ability to do that without hurting her/his feelings.

I don't think it is a good idea to falsely praise someone, so I just keep quiet.