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I'm with np3.
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If I can't find something nice to say, then I don't say anything at all.
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Kindness Matters
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Originally Posted by np3
If they haven't asked for help on improving their skills, then don't offer it. If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. It may not look right to you, but it looks right to them and that is all that counts. It may not be your color choices, but it was theirs.
I like what I like and I don't particularly care about the rules on color choices or contrast. If I am making a gift for someone, then I care about what they like, even if it isn't my style. I agree 100%! If you dont have something nice to say.... dont say anything! If they ask for honest opinions ... then give them.... but do it in a PM rather than embarrasing them on the board! If they ask for help in a project; that is when we should give them our suggestions/opinions. As it has been said over and over; "our quilt; our style, no rules!" Skill comes from practice and if they are embarrased they may give up! I was on another board a couple of years ago and they were a bunch of quilting snobs and nasty quilt police! They thought nothing of totally dissing someones work on the message board and it was awful! (I never posted pics because I didnt want to chance the embarrasment the others had!) Just an example of how bad they were..... I joined in a round robin before I realized how nasty they were and when I received the top I was to work on; there was a note in it from the previous round quilter that said; I hope you are able to continue on this; I had to totally remove and redo ________'s row before I could do anything with it!!!! That turned me right off! The point of a round robin is to end up with a quilt that is a combination of the whole group's efforts. Not what one person thinks it should be!! What I LOVE about this board is the friendliness and compassion for everyone on it. And how everyone is encouraged to join in no matter what their level of skill is. OK...enuf said. I LOVE THIS BOARD!!!!!! |
Originally Posted by dakotamaid
I think it is the same as any praise, I try to find something good to say about the color, the pattern, the size,etc. Sometimes it is difficult but I try.:):)
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That's my philosphy, unless someone comes out and says be truthful. Then I find one thing I can comment on that I believe will help and not hurt. I'm not an expert and I am sure that I have color combinations or designs that would cause someone would say "what on earth was she thinking about!" We can all go to classes and get the instructor's opinion.. just my comments.
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Originally Posted by JanieW
I read the quilt police thread and some of the comments made me think about the issue of giving false praise.
When someone has made a quilt that is poorly put together or there isn't enough contrast with colour choices, or it just plain doesn't look right, are we being fair by complimenting them? I don't believe in embarrassing a person by pointing out mistakes or telling them that they have to do it the "right" way. I don't believe in telling someone their work is lovely when it isn't. Being positive and encouraging is essential, but damning with faint praise is harmful. Where is the line between trying to help someone improve their skills and being the dreaded hated quilt police? |
I won't give FALSE praise- I won't say that it's a wonderful choice of colors if it isn't, or things that are outright lies. If I think the project is awful, I won't comment on it. But most of the time, I can say something truthful about it- like "that is a pattern I want to try."
BUT, there is a time a place for correction, and believe me, it's only with a "friend" that is really close. I have a friend like that- we can each banter back and forth about the mistakes, color choices, etc, but I would be totally heartbroken if a total stranger tried to do it to me!!! So, remember that, Quilt Police- if you are not that person's friend first, you have NO PLACE to be the one to offer that correction, unless the person placed the question that they know they are doing something wrong and are specifically asking the community for help. |
I sometimes like one block or quilt in a series much better than the others. When that happens I pm the person. Otherwise the other posters will have hurt feelings. If I really hate a quilt or block I don't post.
When I was showing off the first quilt top I designed and pieced all by myself (and I was very proud of it), I mentioned that two of my blocks weren't exactly straight across from each other on either side of the sashing. One of the people that had looked at it when I displayed it said, "I noticed that." Here I was hoping this 1/2 inch difference was lost in the overall wonderfulness of the design. (Each block was 15" square separated by 5" of sashing all around.) I wish she had kept quiet. Now I am wishing I had corrected it, even though it would have meant repositioning every block in that lengthwise strip. Now it seems like this is a glaring error and I am not as proud of the quilt as I was. I will never point out any errors in any other quilt I make in the future. |
Originally Posted by cctx.
Originally Posted by np3
Originally Posted by Maia B
Well, in person, things can be said gently, gauging the reaction of the quilt maker, to encourage and guide; or one may be able to see that even honest, gentle, constructive criticism will squash the budding artist, and thus only offer honest praise for what IS right. But online, even totally correct and kindly-phrased criticism can hurt and discourage. Tone, circumstances, so much cannot be conveyed online, so unless someone is asking for an opinion or frank assessment, I either praise what I honestly like, or move on without comment. I LOVE that this board is warm, kind, friendly, and non-judgmental 99.9% of the time. Other boards are not always so, and it's a shame. Let's protect what we are so fortunate to have here.
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I was taught that if you can't say anything good about something, don't say anything at all. I would rather have some one tell me the problems that they see than say "oh how wonderful". Of course, I haven't shown any of my quilts cause I know they aren't good enough. So far, the dogs have lots of new beds, our daughters have wall-hangings but quilting for someone else......NOT YET!!!!!
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Originally Posted by quiltingnonie
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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[quote=quiltingnonie]Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.[/quote
I absolutely agree. Another saying also applies: "One person's trash is another person's treasure" - hurting someone's feelings, even if it isn't intentional is not being kind. Each of us sees colors, and things differently. And each person grows and advances in totally different ways. Being kind is never wrong.... |
I agree with your thoughtful, well balanced response.
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If I ever post a picture I would hope you would give constructive criticism. There are ways of doing it that shouldn't offend anyone such as, "What would you think if---.or something like that. I don't have a nack for matching colors and to me it would be very helpful to say it might not be the best color combination or something along those lines.
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Praise...there is always something good to say...sometimes you just have to look for the positive. It could be as simple as commenting on their enthusiasm, colors, pattern, etc.
We are all unique individuals...and so are our quilts! AMEN! |
Originally Posted by hobo2000
If I can't find something to compliment, I don't say anything.
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Originally Posted by JanieW
I read the quilt police thread and some of the comments made me think about the issue of giving false praise.
When someone has made a quilt that is poorly put together or there isn't enough contrast with colour choices, or it just plain doesn't look right, are we being fair by complimenting them? I don't believe in embarrassing a person by pointing out mistakes or telling them that they have to do it the "right" way. I don't believe in telling someone their work is lovely when it isn't. Being positive and encouraging is essential, but damning with faint praise is harmful. When I posted pictures of my first quilt a member told me something that I didn't know or would not have thought of I said that I stitched in the ditch around 6 inchs squares and she said that I probly should have done something in side the squares as it was large distance between the stitching. I didn't take offence I will remember it on the quilt that I have to do by june. If some one can't give input expecially to newbees like me then what are we here for. Like some said if I really don't like something I just don't comment. And I really don't know enough to tell some one that they are doing something wrong when I am just learning. It makes a difference as to how things are worded as to how one takes the comment. If I had a block wacky I sure would want some one to tell me. That is my story and I am sticking to it. Where is the line between trying to help someone improve their skills and being the dreaded hated quilt police? |
I think it all depends on who you are talking to. Some people cannot handle being given suggestions and others will find it helpful.
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Originally Posted by shawnemily
Originally Posted by np3
If they haven't asked for help on improving their skills, then don't offer it. If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. It may not look right to you, but it looks right to them and that is all that counts. It may not be your color choices, but it was theirs.
I like what I like and I don't particularly care about the rules on color choices or contrast. If I am making a gift for someone, then I care about what they like, even if it isn't my style. I agree 100%! If you dont have something nice to say.... dont say anything! If they ask for honest opinions ... then give them.... but do it in a PM rather than embarrasing them on the board! If they ask for help in a project; that is when we should give them our suggestions/opinions. As it has been said over and over; "our quilt; our style, no rules!" Skill comes from practice and if they are embarrased they may give up! I was on another board a couple of years ago and they were a bunch of quilting snobs and nasty quilt police! They thought nothing of totally dissing someones work on the message board and it was awful! (I never posted pics because I didnt want to chance the embarrasment the others had!) Just an example of how bad they were..... I joined in a round robin before I realized how nasty they were and when I received the top I was to work on; there was a note in it from the previous round quilter that said; I hope you are able to continue on this; I had to totally remove and redo ________'s row before I could do anything with it!!!! That turned me right off! The point of a round robin is to end up with a quilt that is a combination of the whole group's efforts. Not what one person thinks it should be!! What I LOVE about this board is the friendliness and compassion for everyone on it. And how everyone is encouraged to join in no matter what their level of skill is. OK...enuf said. I LOVE THIS BOARD!!!!!! I really like these boards because the lion's share of people here recognize the hard work and dedication in this hobby. We all grow and improve the longer we try. |
Praise their effort, and lovingly offer advice on how to improve techniques on future projects. Perhaps say "I had the toughest time with diamonds when I first started, but I found this trick". It's all in the attitude behind the words.
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I just joined today. I have not made a quilt yet. When I finally get one done; I will post. Please be kind but most definitely HONEST. I need all the help I can get. Love this board. I have been lurking and you are all so helpful!
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I agree with this! Whaty one person likes another may not. I won't give false praise of something I don't care for, I just keep my opinion to myself. If a person asks for a critique than I think we should be honest with our opinion, if it is given.
Originally Posted by quiltingnonie
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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I agree with feline fanatic 100%.
Angela |
I believe you should only give advice if you were asked for it. When I post a picture of one of my quilted projects I am sharing with friends. I don't ask for criticism because I know what I didn't do right. When I get complimentary comments I feel boosted up and feel more confident to try something new. If people started pointing out my flaws then I would be hurt and lose interest entirely and probably not share any more photos.
It is just like with kids. If they show you a picture they have been working on really hard and the first thing you do is criticize some part of it they would be devastated. I always point out what I like about their picture. " I like how you used that blue on the door of the house", etc. As to saying nothing...I have mixed emotions about it. Yes, saying nothing isn't hurtful but when I've shared a photo of my project and nobody comments then I feel like nobody could find anything worthy to compliment. I think this is kind of one of those no win situations. The best course of action is to be kind and thoughtful to everyone on this board no matter how inexperienced or masterful the quilter is. Just my 2 cents........ |
When I look at a project I don't particularly care for, I read the first couple pages of comments. Most of the time, these kind remarks are about something I didn't notice. I am learning from their praise how to look and examine a quilt. If I was told the truth about my first sewing project, I probably would have quit. I am so glad that someone out there found something positive to say! So, here's to all those wonderful ladies and gents who take the time to say something special and at the same time teach me kindness and observation!
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I was always taught if you don't like the way something looks or the way it was made simply say, "That is nice". When I hear those words a light bulb goes off in my head. People want to be helpful most of the time so I delve a little further with some more questions trying to find out why they are really not crazy about something but don't want to hurt my feelings....has come in helpful many a time.
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Everyone started with their "first" quilt, and I would venture to guess, they weren't perfect or necessarily well-blended color choices (I know mine wasn't!). But, if I had someone say it was ugly colors, or my seams didn't match, etc, I might not have made another. I, for one, will offer my opinion on color, ideas for borders, etc (although, I am no expert, either) IF asked, but if someone is so proud they have decided to post it on the board, I would never think of bursting their bubble. We,on this board, are of ALL levels of experience, and we should all be encouraging to other quilters to continue. Like others have stated, if it is really terrible (and that is according to each of OUR standards), I will make a comment like "congradulations!" or find some positive thing to say, or just not comment. Having said that, imagine someone posting their first block-quilt-etc, and hardly anyone commented! That right there would be very deflating to the proud quilter.
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I only give my opinion when asked for. I prefer not to say anything if I don't like something that is posted. I just leave it and go on to the next. I have given members in my guild my opinion in the past and found that to be a no win situation.They really didn't want my opinion they just wanted me to like their project. Oops. Personally, I hate false platitudes.
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I always try to stay positive...if I can't say anything constructive, I usually don't say anything at all.
I will, if I see a problem (bad seam, color values, etc.), I'll make a suggestion that will be constructive on the next quilt. For example...a flying geese block that has the tip cut off...I'll say something that I like about the quilt, then mention that I have a problem with having to remember that when stitching seams, to make sure all stitching lines cross exactly, so I don't inadvertently cut off a point. I'll also mention that if I do cut off a point, when I secure that block with quilting, I don't follow the cut off point, I quilt a point...it throws the vision off and you don't really notice the cut off point. I try to complement & give a quick lesson in the process. You don't want to discourage a person who may/may not have the knowledge on how to do a certain block or method...you want to teach them. I'll also make color suggestions..."Your colors are very nice, have you thought of perhaps trying this..." Then I go on to mention something about value. There is absolutely no reason to just plain be rude and put down someone's work, just to tout your own skills...be nice and teach when you make a comment. |
I read most all of this thread and I am wondering if the question about false praise was because someone praised a quilt that the poster didn't think was good enough to deserve the praise. What I may see as praise worthy, she/he may think 'what is she talking about, that isn't very good'.
Maybe we know the story behind the quilt and realize that it is fantastic for the person to accomplish what they have, and the praise will encourage them to go on. We all have our own taste and what one may think is false praise may be very genuine, if you are the one giving false praise- stop there are so many more people willing to give true encouraging praise that is welcomed. |
Originally Posted by Vanuatu Jill
Everyone started with their "first" quilt, and I would venture to guess, they weren't perfect or necessarily well-blended color choices (I know mine wasn't!). But, if I had someone say it was ugly colors, or my seams didn't match, etc, I might not have made another. I, for one, will offer my opinion on color, ideas for borders, etc (although, I am no expert, either) IF asked, but if someone is so proud they have decided to post it on the board, I would never think of bursting their bubble. We,on this board, are of ALL levels of experience, and we should all be encouraging to other quilters to continue. Like others have stated, if it is really terrible (and that is according to each of OUR standards), I will make a comment like "congradulations!" or find some positive thing to say, or just not comment. Having said that, imagine someone posting their first block-quilt-etc, and hardly anyone commented! That right there would be very deflating to the proud quilter.
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I was brought up by this saying.. If you can't say something nice Do Not say anything at all. I believe in this saying.
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Originally Posted by Debbie B
Originally Posted by Vanuatu Jill
Everyone started with their "first" quilt, and I would venture to guess, they weren't perfect or necessarily well-blended color choices (I know mine wasn't!). But, if I had someone say it was ugly colors, or my seams didn't match, etc, I might not have made another. I, for one, will offer my opinion on color, ideas for borders, etc (although, I am no expert, either) IF asked, but if someone is so proud they have decided to post it on the board, I would never think of bursting their bubble. We,on this board, are of ALL levels of experience, and we should all be encouraging to other quilters to continue. Like others have stated, if it is really terrible (and that is according to each of OUR standards), I will make a comment like "congradulations!" or find some positive thing to say, or just not comment. Having said that, imagine someone posting their first block-quilt-etc, and hardly anyone commented! That right there would be very deflating to the proud quilter.
But for me I don't mind being help, if you see me doing something really bad, tell me. Otherwise I think I'm doing great...LOL I might take your advise and then maybe I won't but really what people to be honest with me...Cause I really want to make beautiful quilts....just don't be to harsh...LOL LOL |
Originally Posted by JanieW
I read the quilt police thread and some of the comments made me think about the issue of giving false praise.
When someone has made a quilt that is poorly put together or there isn't enough contrast with colour choices, or it just plain doesn't look right, are we being fair by complimenting them? I don't believe in embarrassing a person by pointing out mistakes or telling them that they have to do it the "right" way. I don't believe in telling someone their work is lovely when it isn't. Being positive and encouraging is essential, but damning with faint praise is harmful. Where is the line between trying to help someone improve their skills and being the dreaded hated quilt police? hmm....if someone asks for help that would be appropriate but if someone is just posting 'look what I did' then only a positive comment is appropriate...trying to improve their skills then would just be presumptive. |
I've just started quilted a few months ago & I know my quilts are not perfect and maybe my color choices are not the best. When I ask someone what they think of my quilt I want to know their honest opinion. I need to know what I'm doing wrong or what other color choices whould of been better. How else am I going to learn the correct way or good color choices
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There is no such thing as an ugly quilt. It isn't just the pattern and fabric. It is the many long hours spent dreaming, planning, stitching with love, and the joy when completed. I have quilts my kids have loved as babies , even where there was nothing left but a few scraps of fabric. I have the first quilt I made for DH and it is worn to holes, but it still is beautiful and something he won't give up even though he has many quilts to choose from. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and noones tastes are the same. I am remembering my beginners class where we had to make a certain block and bring the following week to class for show and tell. How some colors pleased me and others , not so much. But other gals loved the ones I did not like. Enough said.
Donna |
One thing I really like about this board is that everyone is sooo encouraging to newbies and everyone, really. Sometimes I look at some of the color choices and know they would never be something I'd choose. Still, variety is the spice of life and we all have different tastes - that's what makes quilting so much fun and infinitely interesting. No one has to comment on a photo if they don't want to. I certainly wouldn't if I didn't like it. I agree with those say "If you can't say something nice, why say anything at all." If someone asks for help or suggestions, they need to be prepared to hear what others say. Even then, suggestions can be made in a positive way.
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Maybe there colors dont realy go together. BUT it might be all they had to work with, or maybe there seams are not stright , BUT maybe the have some health problem that stops them form making a stright seam. Maybe the blocks they choose to make are not what u would of made for that pattern BUT in there eyes its what they like. So dont be to fast at telling someone what you think is wrong with there sewing , Maybe its just the best they can do or the best they have. BUT all the counts is they are doing it and they like it. One never knows what the other person life is like.
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Originally Posted by Lv2sew2011
Yes when your able to see how many view like 572 and you only get 15 coments, its like ok what am I doing wrong, so basicly its darn if you do or darn if you don't... LOL
But for me I don't mind being help, if you see me doing something really bad, tell me. Otherwise I think I'm doing great...LOL I might take your advise and then maybe I won't but really what people to be honest with me...Cause I really want to make beautiful quilts....just don't be to harsh...LOL LOL |
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