Use what you have. I care for a lady in about the same state.....she will not appreciate or understand the quilt. You will be making it more to comfort your MIL. Something small and sweet is perfect :-D

It sounds like MIL wants you to make this quilt but didn't say pattern or color choice...If it's just make Grandma a quilt, I would make what I think would work...If MIL is in nursing home and doesn't have all her memory about her all the time, I would not expect her to pay for anything...Just my thoughts...

It sounds like MIL wants you to make this quilt but didn't say pattern or color choice...If it's just make Grandma a quilt, I would make what I think would work...If MIL is in nursing home and doesn't have all her memory about her all the time, I would not expect her to pay for anything...Just my thoughts...

Plus make it extremely washable. Even if you don't want it washed at the home it may get tossed in the wash anyway accidently. And it's usually washed in hot water and dried in an industrial dryer that is way hotter then your home dryer. I worked at a nh for several years and know for a fact that things get washed that shouldn't.

Items get lost, the nicer it is the faster it finds a new home. Especially since grandmother has dementia, she won't remember that she had it or where it went. Label it really well. I like the photo idea-people will be less likely to take it if it's really personalized.

Hey, 1 yd extra isn't that much extra. Go ahead and let your mil pay for the fabric, thread and batting. Maybe once she sees how much it will costs she'll change her mind.

What does your heart tell you? If G-ma probably won't remember receiving it, then I would make a twin or lap sized quilt out of blocks. No special fabrics and no special patterns. Still, put her name on the back to no mistake can be made as who it belongs to. Take a picture of her and the quilt together for documentation purposes.

I so agree with you about people who go into a nursing home...Most of them just start going down hill...If they can live with family and be part of what is going on, or in a small assisted living where the feeling is like a home setting, they are so much better off....

I would buy more than fabric required with her and make her pay for the purchase. Only fair.

this is the fabric I am considering for Grandmas quilt, any ideas on patterns, keep in mind I dont want to spend alot of time on this as it will likely be stolen. I am thinking of doing the pattern of the second quilt but with a solid border

Don't cut that gorgeous fabric! Add some borders to make it the size you want. 8-) It is beautiful as is. I would even tie it as opposed to quilting it. You could add an Attic Windows to it, leaving off the window sashing from of the top and left hand side. Use several strips of very dark and different colored fabrics on the right. Use the very lightest of those previous colors for the bottom. Make use of the back side of the darker fabrics for the bottom strips.

Frame the whole thing in one solid color (black is screaming to me right now). 8-)

I love the pansy fabric. One thing to consider is, the fancier the pattern-the more likely it may disappear. Just a thought!

I like your idea of a big attic window, maybe 4 to 6 panes will work nice. and it would be really quick so I can get back to my other projects.

since you will be making it, make what is comfortable for you to do. let the mil pick out the fabric but buy what the pattern says in case you need extra for a miscut or something. do what is comfortable for you or you will feel bad about it.

the pansy material is gorgeous.

you are doing a wonderful thing for your DH and his grandmother. you should be very proud of yourself.

i'll be anxious to see the finished project.

I am really happy that you have worked this out. It always makes me very sad when MIL's decide they do not want to get along with their DIL's. My MIL was absolutely a fantastic lady and I loved her so very much. I wish all DIL's could have that kind of relationship. My Mom, Dad, MIL, and all of my Grandparents are gone now, but they were definitely loved.

When we had to place my MIL in a nursing home due to dementia, the director of the home saw the nice, quilted lap quilt that I had made her and strongly suggested that it not be left in the nursing home, as it would likely disappear. I would make Grandma a simple bright lap quilt out of scrap squares and flannel back and would tie it (no elaborate quilting). One of the local churches donated some of those to the home and the one given to my MIL stayed around for a few weeks then just wasn't there one day. But while it was there, my MIL loved the bright colors made of scraps of polyester. Maybe a more appreciated and comforting gift would be a memory quilt for you MIL out of fabrics from Grandma's clothes. It is really hard to see your parent go into a nursing home.

From your information, I think she is lonely. Including her in your purchase of the material may help her feel better about herself. Would she be capable of being included in the making of the quilt? It would give her company at a specific time and take some of the strain from you if you really don't want to make this quilt and perhaps the other projects could stay on hold for a short time?

After you have completed the quilt (with an ID panel on the back in a corner) take a photo of the entire front and back of the quilt and put the photos in a frame for your MIL. You, of course, keep a copy for yourself. This way there is photo evidence if it does get legs and walk off. Also take a photo of the quilt with the recipient in the nursing home holding it or on her lap for more proof of its location.

Just a few thoughts to help keep your work where it was intended to be -- in her room.

I would use the amount of fabric called for. I would also ask MIL to go with you to pick out the fabrics. Let her be involved as much as possible. If there is any left over fabric,maybe you can use it and it'll always be there to remind you of the grandmother's smile when your MIL and you present it to her.

I am so sorry that you are put in this situation. Sounds like you are living a difficult choice. Change your mind set. Change the pattern, the colors and the size of the finished piece. MIL may want the quilt for self instead of her mom. I agree with make a lap quilt or bib or a wheel chair or walker bag. A quilt in a nursing home needs to be small and light. The weight is painful and tends to crush the patient limiting movement. Fleece is more appropriate due to the weight and ease in washing,etc. Also it is easy to replace. :thumbup:

My opinion is that this is family and a special moment. I would do this out of the love in my heart. This is not one of those times that you think of how much should I charge her. Just put yourself in her shoes. What if it were your mother that had this problem and you ask your sister to make a quilt. Would you expect to pay her in these circumstances. I believe that there are times that we put our thoughts of profit aside for human kindness. Just my opinion.

If the MIL asked & offered to buy the fabric the pattern calls for, that is what you should do, & like most on here said, you never know if it might be needed.

But I really agree w/several idea of the pics on it. 2 reasons - It is less likely that someone will want pics of people they don't know, plus it might give her a nice feeling to be looking at people - especially if there are pics of children on it.

Perhaps just simple 8-10" pic sq. blocks, alternated w/a sq. of bright flowers (if she liked them) could be made & just tied in each corner. The idea of a textured fabric is great. This would also be a simple, quick quilt to get done - this obviously isn't going to be your favorite project to work on - so the quicker, the better.

Best idea of all - while you are making this one, keep telling yourself you are doing this for DH's grandmother & your love for HIM. It's difficult to have such bitter feelings about someone, & I hope eventually you find peace within yourself about the whole thing - lifes too short to carry around bitterness - I know - I'm 77 yrs old & try to cherish everyone in my life - (even thou I too have a relative who is SOOOO difficult to even 'like')

Good luck on the quilt & hope it turns out to be peaceful project for you.

Have a blessed day & try to let this quilt be filled w/love (for DH at least)

PS ask the mil to furnish some pics, so she feels like she is a part of this project - might soften her a little???? :?

Just a couple quick notes. First, my FIL was in a N/H for many years due to dementia. Often things would disappear from his room - eyeglasses, TV remotes, trinkets - you name it, it probably came up missing at one time or another. I was not quilting at the time but did crochet several blankies for him. These too, would disappear. The missing items were not being taken by staff but by other patients. Every so often the staff would rummage around and find the missing items in another's room or other odd places. I have even seen other patients wearing his eyeglasses! Do put her name on it very clearly, but don't be surprised if a lovely quilt is nabbed by a patient (or staff).

In terms of your MIL, take your feelings toword her out of the picture. Focus on doing this for your DH's GMa. Even if she doesn't have the cognative ability to recognize you, YOU have the ability to recognize her. Focus on your DH's GMa and the love she gave to your DH rather than your MIL - she's a whole 'nother story. Make the quilt how YOU want in the time frame YOU set while remembering the quilt is a gift of love for her not your MIL. Even if she doesn't recognize you she can still recognize love, kindness and beauty.

The missing items were not being taken by staff but by other patients. Every so often the staff would rummage around and find the missing items in another's room or other odd places. I have even seen other patients wearing his eyeglasses! Do put her name on it very clearly, but don't be surprised if a lovely quilt is nabbed by a patient (or staff).

In terms of your MIL, take your feelings toword her out of the picture. Focus on doing this for your DH's GMa. Even if she doesn't have the cognative ability to recognize you, YOU have the ability to recognize her. Focus on your DH's GMa and the love she gave to your DH rather than your MIL - she's a whole 'nother story. Make the quilt how YOU want in the time frame YOU set while remembering the quilt is a gift of love for her not your MIL. Even if she doesn't recognize you she can still recognize love, kindness and beauty.[/quote]

And a lot of the patients may have dementia and not be stealing something, they just think it's theirs! I like the attic window idea-that fabric is beautiful and wouldn't have o be cut up too much. There's so many triangles in your star it looks like too much work for somthing that may walk!

Go with what you have on hand. Don't make it any larger than twin size. I have had experience with nursing homes and things that are donated. Some times items just disappear, especially if it is colorful and/or fluffy. The patients who do this don't necessarily think it is theirs, they just think is it pretty and want it. Staff did find some things. Also things disappear in the laundry. So when quilt needs washing, take it home and wash it. In a lot of nursing homes, staff just tucks anything extra bedding included away to save work.

You are a saint for making this in the first place, but don't let it get you down worrying about it.

I would do a simple pattern - assorted large blocks, alternating with solids. Most of all - enjoy the sunshine today in our area. The pansy fabric is gorgeous! Take care! Nearby and thinking of you.

Buy what is listed on the pattern and keep any leftovers for yourself. You deserve a little something for all your time and trouble. As someone else mentioned, make sure there is a name on the quilt.Seems like a lot of items get lost and/or misplaced in the hospitals and nursing homes. My brother lost his false teeth a couple of times. :lol:

with all the posts about missing items at nursing homes, I think I am going to sugest to MIL to buy a nice quilt at Walmart and wait a while, if it sticks around then I will make something.

personally, considering the incidents of items disappearing in nursing homes, I would just buy a "brought on" quilt. But, even with that, I would make sure her name is on it, either appliqued, embroidered or written on with a permanent ink ( in several places) Then, if a staff member( or anyone else) did steal it, every time she/he would see that name, she/he would be reminded that she/he is a thief...

PERFECT!! Later.....make something pretty for your MIL :-D

You need to to this with your heart and not worry about anything else.

Let her buy what the pattern calls for.As hospital beds are longer then normal you may find you need more.

:-)

My husband has been in Senior care for many years.
We often have taken the children to visit residents in the memory wing. We have found simple things bring them temperarily in to a lucid state and their memories are so vivid. See if there are any fabrics or clothing items that may have been special to the grandma that may be of comfort to her to use in the quilt. Items like that are more comforting then something made all brand new. Do put her name in a very obvious place on the quilt for two reasons- ownership ID and for her to see her name. Using a premade comforter for a backing is not a bad idea as it will give more of a gentle tactile feel for her. Also be sure to clarify with the staff that all care for the quilt will be done by family. Also keep in mind that she may be experiencing bathroom mishaps and an expensive quilt may not be the best choice as the timing of your picking it up to launder it may be must past the middle of the night accident.

You will remember, so it does not matter that she will not.
Its called LOVE

Are you going to hand quilt or machine quilt it? If MIL is not specific about what kind of quilt pattern you might consider a pretty panel & add a border and put grandma's name on it in permanent marker not a sewn on label as things tend to disappear in nursing homes through either other patients or staff. A panel would go faster.
Just a thought.

I took care of my MIL as she went thru Alzhemiers and finally ended up in the hospital, it was very trying to say the least. What I would do is ask your MIL for any of ther moms clothes she would part with and use as much salvaged cottons from them and make a quilt from her clothing, so whe she does finally pass the quilt can be a memory for the family and grands sharet

In addition to fabrics etc of special interest to the Grandma- (not the MIL )consider color and texture. Another alternative which may be more appreciated is a lap quilt- one that can be easier washed, handled and less likely to get soiled- that way she can sit with it and enjoy it- you spend a great deal less time on it. A lap quilt would be preferable as most residents complain of being cold especially those who are memory impaired. Residents are encoouraged to not stay in ther rooms but to mingle so something she can take with her and show off to staff and other residents would be of special importance to her.

update: spoke to MIL about theft at nursing homes and we have decided to purchase a nice flowery quilt at walmart or kmart.

still would consider making her a lap quilt- somethng she will use and appreciate My husband always encouraged families to bring in a special lap quilt so the resident had a connection as well as something of their own

I would make a very serviceable but nice quilt for her following the good advice given here, but keep the scraps. Then knowing that 1.) it may be stolen or ruined and 2.) MIL is needy (=lonely) I would ask her if she would like to help you make a quilt for her from the scraps. This way you would be keeping her company and would have something that would remind her of her momma once she is gone.

Perhaps this way MIL will get a new hobby to fill her time; you both will have something you can talk about on the phone and decrease the need for DH to drive back and forth all the time.