Make the quilt with whatever fabrics you have; whatever fabrics the MIL suggests; and eat the cost however you may. There will come a day when you are 75-80 and these women (whether a B----- or absent of mind) have passed and you will look back at the 20 to 30 hours devoted to make this moment of happiness by simply quilting was well worth the effort. Good luck and remember God blesses you with this ability to sew not only for ill children at summer camp (mentioned in your profile) but also for an elderly senile woman and her daughter (your MIL) whose life may not have been the most pleasant before you married her son. Life changes people. I have been in your shoes. Now a hint for the nursing home, quilt that label with grandmother's name within the quilt. It takes a lot of time to get identification off a quilt if label is also quilted.

II agree! Having had some similar experiences! My advice is to put her name in large letters across the bottom of the FRONT of her quilt! Make the quilt as simple as you can, using an easy pattern like a square within a square, or nine patch blocks, because perhaps she won't recognize the quilt and give it away, insisting it isn't her, so don't make a complicated work of art. Just make it colorful!
Funny things happen in a nursing home sometimes....We caught my elderly cousin one time, in her neighbor's room where they were both busily writing "escape" notes, helping each other, although the neighbor lady was writing hers in italian!
...and my cousin would go "shopping" in her neighbor's rooms, and brought back all the stuffed toys she could find and hid them in a small chest of drawers, giving away all of her nighties and towels, to make room for them! The nurses would find those in the laundry, and hang them in her closet.
Each time I visited, I would unpack the stuffed animals, and scatter them in the chairs and couches in the punlic areas, having no idea who they belonged to!
J

II agree! Having had some similar experiences! My advice is to put her name in large letters across the bottom of the FRONT of her quilt! Make the quilt as simple as you can, using an easy pattern like a square within a square, or nine patch blocks, because perhaps she won't recognize the quilt and give it away, insisting it isn't her, so don't make a complicated work of art. Just make it colorful!
Funny things happen in a nursing home sometimes....We caught my elderly cousin one time, in her neighbor's room where they were both busily writing "escape" notes, helping each other, although the neighbor lady was writing hers in italian!
...and my cousin would go "shopping" in her neighbor's rooms, and brought back all the stuffed toys she could find and hid them in a small chest of drawers, giving away all of her nighties and towels, to make room for them! The nurses would find those in the laundry, and hang them in her closet.
Each time I visited, I would unpack the stuffed animals, and scatter them in the chairs and couches in the punlic areas, having no idea who they belonged to!
J

use what you have on hand...

I hope this doesn't come off as critizing you, but wheather or not you buy more fabric than is needed isn't the point. buying what is called for in the pattern is fine. This is your husband's grandmother you are making it for, not your mil, although she suggested it. Having my mother in a nursing home 2 years before her death was hard. She didn't know us, but some people in nursing homes become attached to "things", a quilt, a teddy bear, a doll and even if they don't know who gave it to them, it, for some reason, is dear to their heart. Putting her name on the quilt is a must. taking it home to wash maybe a problem, unless there is family member right in town. Items in nursing homes may needed washing more often then they would at home. Make it to go through a lot of washings (like a baby quilt), make it with all the love you can put into it and it will be cherished for many years to come, if not by Grandma, then by your mil and your dh. God bless you.

I think you know what you want to do. So, do it and live with the consequences. The trick is to predict what they will be and most importantly, decide exactly what it is you want. Fabric or recognition? Someday, with luck, you'll be a MIL too.

I had made a quilt for my mother when she was in a nursing home. She had Alzheimer's so didn't know any of us, or pretty much anything else either. Each time (yes, EACH time) I'd go to visit her (in another state), we would realize the quilt was missing from her room...it's so easy for stuff to move around, and I don't think it was really anybody's intention to steal it. So my brothers and I would go on a treasure hunt and eventually find the quilt. Since it had my mom's name on it, there was no question where it belonged, so we'd return it to her room.

She has since passed away, and I am sitting now with her quilt. She might never have been aware of its sentimental value, but I am, and I love having it and the memory associated with it.

I suspect you (or your MIL) will inherit the quilt someday, and will love it at least as much as it original recipient.

I realize this has nothing to do with your question...but it gives me comfort just telling the story.

Sounds like you have a lot of resentment against MIL right now so remember it will be for GMIL. I would do a fast quil, twin size and put her name on it with permanent black marker, large. My GM was in a home for several years and if her name was not on everything it disappeared. Also remember when GMIL passes the quilt, if still there will be given to your MIL. Have her buy the fabric for quilt, scraps are yours but think about the person who is getting the quilt and what she has meant to her family over the years while you make it. Quilts are a part of us and you want the woman to feel love not resentment when she is covered with it. God bless you.

I made my MIL a a quilt just prior to her going in a home.
It was made with 5X7" blocks all machine embroidered with lg
colorful flowers. These blocks took forever to make and really was pretty. She did love it and kept it on her bed. Fast forward. She died and the quilt disappeared.
Be sure to have your name on it.

Make a lap quilt, it won't take as long and it will be used. And everyone will be happy. You could even get cheater material.

Just remember many things disappear and never seen again at nursing homes. I know because both my mother and mother-in-law have been in nursing homes.

I would not go out and buy other fabrics until your MIL is paying for all the costs of the quilt. If your MIL comments on you finsihing one of your WIP for her DM I would simply say I feel GM would love this quilt and unless you are buying new materials I intend to give her this one.

I would use what you have.

Okay. Maybe it's because I'm new to quilting. I would buy what the pattern says. That way it would not be short. If MIL wants to go with and pay - let her. The amount of material is listed for a reason. If extra maybe make a pillowcase?

Guess I don't get it. Make the quilt, get what you would normally buy to make the item. Shouldn't make any difference who your giving it to. If was going to a friend would you be worried about the extra yd.??? Be happy you can do a little something for "Grandma" As for your MIL first of all does she drive?? If so just invite her over for Sunday dinner at least once a month, Hubby should go over there at least a couple times a month anyway just to make sure she's ok. She is LONELY. She just wants to be a part of the family.
I lost both my parents with in 3 months. I wish she could come for dinner.

I would let her buy what the pattern called for, any left over is payment for making the quilt. Remember also that the nursing home will not be gentle when washing the quilt. Put a label with her name on it or the nursing home will mark on it with a permanent marker.

I agree use what you have unless otherwise specified.

I would also ask before I start, without all the work you have to do , I would hate to make it and then she doesn't want it.

Yes, my aunt who had no memory problems had her quilt stolen. One of her friends came in and threatened a law suit and miraculously the quilt reappeared. If I were you, I would just make a very simple one. All that matters is that it's soft and made with love. Anything more and it's too tempting for sticky fingers.

My opinion. Go with the flow and in your heart it will make you happy you could do a kind deed. Also, your labor of love, its okay to keep whats left of the fabric.

My opinion. Go with the flow and in your heart it will make you happy you could do a kind deed. Also, your labor of love, its okay to keep whats left of the fabric.

I agree with Rebecca VLQ. MIL is lonely and just doesn't know it or isn't willing to admit it yet. Maybe the useless stuff would stop or be limited if you had specific times or days you and/or your hubby did stuff with her, even it was seemingly boring and mundane.
AS for the fabric...absolutely have her help pick out the fabric and buy what the pattern says. No harm in you getting a few extra scraps out of the deal. After all you are doing a lot of work and spending alot of time.
Good luck and let us see what the final quilt. I'm sure it will be lovely and appreciated.

I can completely relate! I would buy the fabric the pattern calls for. You never know, you may have a cutting error or something. It's a small price to pay for all the work you will put into this, much less, taking your time away from your own family and your own projects. My sympathies!

I tend to agree with Rebecca.
It seems an underlying issue is floating "between the lines" here, and that will be for you to iron out. MIL sounds like a lonely lady and maybe even fearful of her future fate watching her mother enter the final stage of life.
If I were in your place I would do as Rebecca suggests....ask your MIL to be part of the quilt process by helping select the fabric. She knows what her mom liked.

Also, might I suggest that when the quilt is given to Grandma, a slightly "big deal" be made in front of the staff - sort of letting people know that it's something special and that the care of it will be done by the family. I would also make sure to take a lot of pictures of it with Grandma...even making sure to take a picture on future visits.

Definitely make sure the Quilt is identifiable in plain English, so the staff realzies that nothing should happen to it.

Saddly, in this day and age, one can't be too trusting.
Enjoy making the quilt and I personally wouldn't expect compensation, no matter what it might cost me. The opportunity to make it for her would be my payment. But that's just me.

I would buy what the pattern calls for.

She sounds so lonely. Is there a senior center nearby where she can meet some other people. If not, have you tried saying "No, we won't drive over to put in a light bulb or take your groceries out but we will call you on the phone and talk once a day" (if you can spare the time). Loneliness is an awful feeling and I can only imagine how badly she feels having to come up with such feeble excuses to have a little company. That doesn't answer your question but it's what came up for me. Take good care of yourself first, then take care of her.

We are having the same thing happening to my mum. She is still in hospital at the moment but we will have to start looking for one to take her. My uncle is already in a home and I thought I would make him a scrappy quilt since he has had no hobbies. do you think scrappy will be alright for him.

I have worked in long term facility for 28 years. We haven't had quilts made by familys and or hospice volunteers for the hospice residents in our facility disappear and if one did , we found it in laundry, because it was to soiled to wait for family to take home. One of my residents son has made her two quilts he did the simple rail fence for both and tied it in the corners instead of quilting. Both are beautiful.

If we worried about every quilt we made, they would never leave our hands. Kindness comes back ten fold and even if grandma doesn't know where or who it is from it will make her happy anyway.

Use what you have on hand. My suggestion would be to use your BRIGHT, HAPPY fabrics. Things that are cheerful :-)

Use what you have, this would be fine. Bless you for doing this.

A nice bright "happy quilt" would be loved...bright & cheery. Food, spittle, urine, etc. will all land on this quilt, but you are making it with love...and respect. Ask your MIL to shop with you. You don't need to buy the most expensive fabric, just something soft and cuddly! And as hard as it may be, ask your MIL to help with the quilt. She sounds like a very lonely woman and is probably scared watching her mother in the nursing home...knowing she's next in line! She probably feels useless. Show us your quilt when you finish it! Good luck! My prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Do you remember the lady who was only paid $20 for the baby quilt? Do not let the details of this quilt come between you and your MIL. Maybe she does not expect to pay you at all? What were her expectations? Perhaps you could suggest she buy the material she wants you to use?

I am taking MIL with me to Joanns to buy the fabric, and your right she's lonely, but thats her fault. She'd still be married if she wasn't such a b......., even DH says so.

anytime she starts a sentence out with "LISTEN, ...... we cring[/quote]

Lonliness is the main cause of depression in the oldies. Maybe ya'll could visit MIL a couple of times a month and try to help with her lonliness. (and some of her little chores) She is your husbands mother and even if she is difficult, she is still his mother. My DHs mother didn't even want to meet her son's wife the first year and it took her 15 years to finally accept me. I was to call her and his dad by their first names. I perserveared(sp) and didn't sweat the small stuff. But the only time she ever asked me to make something for her I did it right away. When she (your MIL)is gone, she will be gone for a long time. My daughter took care of her MIL in the NH for 8 years and that was one manipulative woman!
Put yourself in her shoes. Think about the things she asks of ya'll as if you were asking your own child. OK, now Listen....
Help her with love! Also, let her buy the fabric. Don't expect to be paid. This should be a gift of love. Hope I didn't step on any toes.

I agree with the lap quilt. Any quilt pattern can generally be sized for the lap. For one thing, it won't take you as long and not a lot of time will be invested. Two, even if she is confined to a bed, the smaller quilt is still a warm comfort. Many seem to want the quilts/blankets closer to their faces to be 'closer' to family. Less to pull up and wrap around or cuddle with. (Caretaker for 4 years, had plenty of experience in nursing homes). If you are the one sewing and purchasing, convince MIL of what you can do to make sure the quilt is finished in short time. It really is meaningful for family to have the quilt there for comfort, even if she doesn't know who you are. Sew the label on so it cannot be removed from the quilt. Put her name in the sewing/quilting pattern-perhaps there would be less chance for theft. Talk to the administrator about the quilt when you take it over to her. Helps to have witnesses. Been through this, precious item taken from MIL before she passed. And now we are going through this with my mother. Bless you for doing this for her. Something to think about-Will the quilt go with her when she passes, or will a family member inherit it?

Here is my 2 cents for what it is worth – if what you have in your stash is already assigned to a project then you need to allow her to buy new material but I wouldn’t buy more then what is required to make the pattern. As far as her being needy you do not indicate if this is how she is as a norm – but I think that maybe by having to put her mom in a nursing home she is upset about that and more to the heart she might be thinking “I’m not that far from being here” maybe this is a reality check.

It doesn't seem as if you really want to do this. Why don't you buy a quilt from a store and embellish a bit and also put her name on it? In this way if it is taken, you won't care as much.
Would it help to put yourself in her position and think how wonderful it would be for someone to take some time doing this. Even if SHE doesn't know, YOU have done a great blessing from your heart.

You could always make a matching pillowcase with the extra fabric.

I agree

Make her the quilt useing what you have. It maybe just the thing to give your DH's granny a big boost by bringing back some precious memories for her.