I agree with what everyone has said. Use what you have on hand.

There is a lot of emotion wrapped up in making this quilt. I can read that your MIL is kind of a "pain" at times. Does she quilt? I would buy what the pattern requires, I think the suggestion that the leftovers are yours makes sense.

Very good news for you - now you can get back to "worrying" over what project you'll do FOR YOURSELF next :lol: :lol: :lol:

Have a blessed day

Did she say how big the quilt had to be, because maybe a lap quilt would be suitable?

Since your MIL did not give any specifics. I would use what you have in your stash, I also think it is wonderful what your doing. I would also put the woman's name in large letters on the quilt. I have seen them stolen time and again.

These are my feelings also. My sister and I went through this a few years ago with an aunt and it is not an easy decision. This is probably the last major thing that any of you will do for her and you will be glad in the end that you did. I would get what the patterrn calls for in case of a mistake and if you have leftovers there is nothing to feel guilty about.
As for your MIL calling for help, well I have been known to call some of my children on the way home from the store to ask for help and my aunt used to call me to change light bulbs or fix her remote. Try not to be to hard on her. After all she did give birth to you wonderful hubby/ ;-)

My mom was in a nursing home for 2 years before she passed away. I made her 4 lap quilts, they all came up missing. I even machine embroidered her name in 3" letters at the bottom of each one. I don't know if the home washed them and they were ruined and thrown out. The homes wash in hot water and bleach almost everything. When I asked where is ehr quilt? No one had a clue. Not only will the quilt go missing so will socks, shoes, pants, shirts, glasses, dentures and hearing aids. I had my mom in two different homes and visited everyday and I couldn't keep up with what was happening to her things. The dementia she had kept her from knowing what was hers and where her things were. The best advise is to get a written signed inventory of her things or make one of your own and be very descriptive of each item. Everytime she gets new things taken to her have them written on the inventory and signed by the line with the new entry, and get a copy of the form again with the new items. I did that with the second home and when mom passed awayI asked for everything on the list. Guess what? They couldn't find it all so I gave them two weeks, went back to the home and demanded the items. The home is insured so I asked for the "lost/theft" report form and filled it out using my signed inventory sheet. I went to the mall and found simular items and made note of the costs and submitted it to the home for reimbursement. I got all the money it would have cost to replace the items. It is a Federal law they have to file the form and replace the items. It doesn't matter that mom is no longer alive, they had her stuff and they were responsible for it. I have given the money to the American Cancer Society.

RJ that's rough. I'm sorry you went through this.

This is your $$ we're talking about. You make the decision about what you want to spend or not spend.

I would use what you have..it sounds like you MIL is trying to do a loving gesture for her mom and trusts you to help her out...I would say that she is showing her love to you too by trusting you do this project...I just had to put my dd in a nursing home not easy on the heart ..we set up her room just like her bedroom so she would feel more at home and comfortable..I think it is very loving of your mil to want to do something like this for her mom...blessings

Get what the pattern calls for. You don't give others the scraps along with the quilt do you? Make sure you like what she picks out or it will really be a chore to make the quilt. You should be able to feel good about this act of charity. Consider it a gift for "grandma" and not a gift for MIL. Maybe it will come back to you one day.

I'm glad you & your MIL came to the decision to give her mother a store bought quilt. good idea also to write her name on it really big.
I want to comment on your MIL's behavior. It sounds a lot like my mother's, who I finally learned had dementia. My DH was a saint; I was working nights at the time and he would go over to see about her (my dad was still living and took the opportunity to grab a quick nap). We both did the best we could for both my parents and neither of us have any regrets. I do believe my younger brother does; he gave a little money for a maid but wouldn't give her the company she craved. Sorry about the book. I just want you to know I understand how difficult it is to deal with someone.

Dear Mimom,
Get the fabric amt. that the pattern calls for. You never know, but we have all been known to make a miss cut, etc.. Also if this had been someone paying you (from off the street), and they wanted to bring you the fabric (they would need to bring you the amt. on the pattern). The extra fabric is part of the payment we get for our hard work. And the fact that you are NOT being paid, still doesn't change the fact that you should still get something for all of your hard work.
As far as the quilt going missing. Be sure to take pictures of the quilt with your DH grandmother. Be sure to post a picture in the grandmothers room. This way anyone who goes into the grandmothers room, will know that the family knows what grandma has. Also be sure to put NAME on it!!!
Good luck!

Get the full amount- what if you make a mistake and need to re-cut?

Deb, good suggestion.

I like your idea of a big attic window, maybe 4 to 6 panes will work nice. and it would be really quick so I can get back to my other projects.[/quote]

:thumbup:

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Even better.

Really? that totally negates the original idea.

In MHO, the scraps are yours. Make it a simple and fast quilt with big blocks so it goes fast. Have you thought about using the 10 minute block? Flannel backing is certainly the best idea but wash it first as it shrinks. All of the above are correct about you never seeing it again. It is amazing how things of value walk away but remember, wherever the quilt ends up...that person really needed it for some unknown reason. Perhaps, you are God's angel to make a quilt for Gma but maybe it will fill a second need in someone Else's life. I don't condone such a theft but you should just feel good about what you are doing with the skills that God gave you. In MHO...a retired RN

Buy what the pattern calls for. Keep the extra. However, try to include your MIL and her mother in the whole process. Rebecca VLQ is right. The nursing home is the "end of the road" Any time you spend with both of them, you will not regret! Activity - mental and physical is important for MIL's mom right now.

God Bless!

I would use the fabric you Have.I'm very sure she will be happy with whatever you make

I don’t think it is wrong at all to bring your MIL and ask her to buy the fabric. This way she is also a part of it too.

With what you have on hand unless MIL wants specific colors and specific fabric for the quilt. You need to check with her and let her go with you to pick out what fabric she wants used for the quilt. If your budget is extremely tight, I would definitely take her to the fabric shop and let her pick out the fabric and pay for it. If you have plenty on hand in your stash then you could go with it. I would say some prayers if you are in doubt about what to do and let the Lord guide you in your decision. No matter what if I am in doubt about things I just release it and turn it over to Him, everything is really in His hands anyway, but too often we don't think so and we don't let God take charge, we think we can do everything ourselves and most of the time end up regretting our decision.

for those of you who are recalling bad experiences with nursing homes. As I said previously, my husband has been in Senior care for many years. Perhaps my husband is the exception but lost or stolen goods always were either recovered or the staff where run through the paces to locate it. In many instances a resident gave an item away and my husband had to reel the staff in on the fact it was not allowed. By all means inventory items and provide the administrator of the facility with a copy signed by yourself and them. Putting a dear one in extended care is not easy for anyone, we have seen many reactions from both the resident and the family member. On a humorous note- At one point my husband took away a residents motorized wheel chair after he intentionally ran over another residents foot. He called his children screaming he was being abused and would disinherit them if they didn't get the chair back so he didn't have to use a manual one. The son arrived immediately and after hearing the story, he understood the choice was the motorized chair and moving to a new home or keep the manual one until he could get his temper under control and stay where he was most familiar. The son kissed his father gently on his furrowed brow and told him if he wanted to disinherit him that was his choice.Later it turned out the man was mad at the woman he ran over the foot of because she had declined his lunch invitation- they made up later.

I agree by all means put her name on it where it can be seen and not taken out.
Why not make a crumb quilt, all the different materials will add a lil color to her room. I made a couple and the gr kids all wanted them.

I haven't read to the end of the post so I apologize in advance if this is a repeat suggestion. To keep your quilt from "walking away" at the nursing home, make it as PERSONAL as possible...pictures of her & the family, names on blocks, first & last big & bold too. After all it's for her at the nursing home, & doesn't need to be entered @ the quilt show as a generic beauty. I don't mean that it should be ugly, just alternate your colorful blocks with a few personalized ones. You can get that inkjet printable fabric @ Joann's or any LQS & use a picture of her with one or all of her children...you never know what might jog a happy memory for her. Also, I agree, it could be lap sized for the wheelchair, I wouldn't do a whole bed quilt...it will end up going through the facility laundry if you do; there are a lot of accidents @ this stage.

My Grandmother was only in a home for 2 years & passed @ 96. At that point she didn't know us, but giving her sewn items with her "favorite things & colors" always brought her joy when we came to visit. That always warmed my heart, as it was "For HER" benefit, not ours. I realize your MIL may want this to be a beauty as it is coming from her, but even her name on a center front block will keep it from "walking so easily". Keep the end recipient foremost in mind. Best wishes & you are kind to do the work.

My rule, when I have that kind of dilemma, is to err on the side of generosity and make a choice that I won't look back on with any regret.

This what I was thinking also. Make the pictures big enough and as crisp looking as possible as eye sight can be failing as well. Did she have a hobby, maybe make a block referring to that. The more you make it about her, the longer she may remember, even if she forgets most of the time, maybe for just a moment or two her memory may be jogged by a picture.

You may not like to hear this, but if you make a quilt, and it is not made with love and caring, it is a waste of your time and benefits no one. Either put aside all negative feelings, (and I don't blame you for having them!) and make it, bless it, and release it. If it is stolen, it was not meant to be hers..... If you don't want to put the time and energy into it, then, please don't do it. Grandma won't know, and it sounds as if MIL is just being manipulative... do it with love, or don't do it at all. I send my love and support to you in making your decision.

It definitely depends on the nursing home... After my late husband's last back surgery the doctor's were concerned with me hurting my back picking him up because he was 6' tall. I don't know why they were concerned because I had helped him every time before. Anyway, they put him in a care facility for a couple of months. He took his Christmas string quilt with him. It didn't even have his name one it. He got scared one time when they took him to the hospital because we couldn't find it--the nurses had folded it up very neatly and placed it safely in the closet. I did bring all of his things home to wash and dry them, so maybe that made a difference also, but we never had anything disappear(except word search puzzles-big deal). My complaints about the place were the lack of enough nurses for the patients.

I'm sure that would be lovely. :thumbup:

I would get the fabric that is needed for the project, not more. Let her know the pattern calls for too much, or whatever the issue is.
One other thing--I have occasionally been put on the spot to do a quilt for someone else--their way--and I find it very annoying. Tell me if you think this is selfish:

If I were to contract to do a job (which is not the way I make quilts), I would take the order, do it exactly how they want me to, and accept the commission. If someone wants me to do a favor and make a quilt for someone else, give me some ideas and let me do something wonderful.

What does everyone else think about this?

By what I read you are feeling guilty about doing this sort of but at the same time you feel it's ok because you also help her out a lot.

I would say, that's all in what you can live with. It's not a bad idea to get an extra yard or so as long as you aren't taking advantage of her by doing so. It's a "I help you & you help me" sort of thing. Certainly one extra yard for yourself is not a lot to ask in this case. But that is just my opinion.

I do have a question? She lives 25 miles away.... She is elderly, Wouldn't it be easier to engage a caregiving business that would just take her shopping or change light bulbs.... PLUS most towns have (check senior citizens) brochure of help lines.... For just a little gas money will drive people miles to a Dr. Appt. grocery store lots of things out there. Although those people naturally ae not her son... When I lived in Carson City in a apt. a lady friend told me about this help... She even had her own car, cleaned her home the works... But had someone drive her to Reno.... (((hugs))) no fun growning old (er).... lol :)

Well said and I heartly agree! When you first posted the subject you said that it was for you MIL''s mother not you husband's grandmother.That is very telling about you attitude toward your husband. Remember you to will be old someday!!!

My mother was in an assisted living facility before she passed away last July. I made two quilts that "disappeared", and no one could tell us where they went. I agree-make sure you or she takes it home to wash and bring it back. Also, more than that will disappear-be careful what you take for her to have in her room. Speaking from recent experience.

Let her buy the fabric, do not use your own fabric. So what if there is extra, that is the nature of quilting and has to be accepted.
My MIL has since passed away, but when she was alive she could suck the life out of you, she never ever went to the store alone, and we live over an hour away, but my husband would get called to the house all the time because she needed something. And then they would go to the drug store and she would buy razors or house shoes. She would give her money to my SIL and then call us cause she needed money, or give my SIL her coat and then call us because she needed a new coat. No one in her home town would help her because she had sucked the life out of every person there. Do what you can and grit your teeth. Remind yourself that you do this for your husband and not for her. Keep saying this is Karma and maybe someday when I am old this will be repaid.

Let her buy the fabric, do not use your own fabric. So what if there is extra, that is the nature of quilting and has to be accepted.
My MIL has since passed away, but when she was alive she could suck the life out of you, she never ever went to the store alone, and we live over an hour away, but my husband would get called to the house all the time because she needed something. And then they would go to the drug store and she would buy razors or house shoes. She would give her money to my SIL and then call us cause she needed money, or give my SIL her coat and then call us because she needed a new coat. No one in her home town would help her because she had sucked the life out of every person there. Do what you can and grit your teeth. Remind yourself that you do this for your husband and not for her. Keep saying this is Karma and maybe someday when I am old this will be repaid.

MIL decided to BUY one!!!!!!!