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Originally Posted by Suzi
Originally Posted by sweetana3
I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.
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this is strange because i am not a dedicated Elvis fan but this makes me think of him and his twin who died shortly after birth, and was always a part of the familys thoughts and prayers
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That would be sad for the mother to not mention her little baby that died. My baby died at 4 days old and it hurt that every one acted like I never had her.
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I had a son 38 years ago who only lived for 15 minutes. It was very hard for me to grieve because after the initial death no one I knew acknowledged that he had ever been.
My daughter lost a son to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). It is a condition that happens only to identical twins. She became involved with the Fetal Hope Foundation. http://www.fetalhope.org There is a section for stories of survivors. Hers is under the title of Zachary and Nicholas. They do have a blog to help with bereavement. A place where people can talk of their loss. If the babies were identical twins this would be a great place for the family to go. My grandson is now 6. We do talk about his brother. |
I haven't read the entire thread, so if I am repeating, sorry, but...
I have a friend who lost her son at 3 months to SIDS. He would have been about 25 right now. She always remembers him. Your relative had the pregnancy to plan for 2 babies, why would she not want to remember the one who did not make it? Give it to them, if it is too painful now, they may be able to show it later as a remembrance of both twins. Sorry for your loss. susan |
Originally Posted by AFQSinc
I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.
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Originally Posted by lindasidlow
Probably something else. On the other hand, 2 did come! You just cant predict how the mom will take either one. She could be sad OR mad that you left the other one out. Maybe wait awhile and see how she deals with the situation.
Take your time. The one that died will always be missed and never forgotten. |
This happened to me and my suggestion is that you wait. Find something else to give her. The parents are grieving at the same time as they are bringing their baby home and it is too much right now. Follow their lead in how they handle it in the next few months. They may just be so busy with the new baby that they decide to concentrate on him, not forgetting their other son, of course, but concentrating on the life before them. We all have to come to this anyway, at some point in time, so please hold off. On the first birthday of that little boy who will be lively and rambunctious, you can give him a quilt. In my personal opinion, if you give it for both, it will forever be painful. The pain DOES subside with having another child to be busy with, trust me :) :)
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Originally Posted by jmabby
I had two nephews, twins, born early, one died yesterday. I had started to make a wall hanging of Noah's ark with "They come two by two". Would you still give it or would you just make another wall hanging not mentioning the little boy that died??
we make the tiny crochet hats and 12/18 in blankets for the ones who leave this world early in the hospital. so the family has a keepsake.. so sad, and sorry for the her loss my friend.. |
In reading the other replies about the death of a child, I have to also say I didn't mean to imply to ignore the baby who died. The parents need to hear you acknowledge the life and death of their other son, BUT there is still the baby who will go on. Be SURE you comfort them on their loss but revel in the joy of the birth also. People ignored our loss too but I DID get over it with the birth of our other child. You don't forever want to make the surviving baby feel he is only half.........he has his own purpose in life. We can't stay in that grief when we have another child because they make us laugh and bring us joy, but that pain does wane as time goes on, as all pain does. It really does. Again, follow the lead of the parents!
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