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-   -   a sensitive quilt question (https://www.quiltingboard.com/main-f1/sensitive-quilt-question-t73640.html)

Annaleehunter 11-03-2010 07:33 PM
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
To be honest, I think she will handle it and cherish it later, not now. She has things to work through before she can appreciate her mother. I went through something similar, and now, (5 years later) love and appreciate the person my mother was, despite her problems. I actually was ready about a year after she died.

Gerbie 11-03-2010 07:57 PM
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
I agree that a comfort quilt is in the making for now. Before I would think of making a memory quilt, since they had issues, I would ask SIL later though, if she would like a memory quilt, if not for her, then maybe for her children if there are any. Just my opinion.

Loretta 11-03-2010 08:17 PM
A comfort quilt is the way to go.

Dee 11-03-2010 08:43 PM
I think, in my opinion, I would wait a awhile. Then a comfort quilt would be comforting to her. She needs to accept the trauma that just happened.

moquilter 11-03-2010 09:05 PM
Originally Posted by sahm4605
what is a comfort quilt? one made with bits of her cloths? or just a pretty quilt that is good for cuddling?
The ladies at my church make prayer (comfort quilts) to share with persons in our community with various needs( illness, deaths, new baby, surgery, move to a care facility, family member in military deployed etc)..just to say we care. Most of the quilts are lap robe (crib size) easy to carry from place to place.

Cheshirecatquilter 11-03-2010 09:11 PM
Originally Posted by sahm4605
I think that I will give my bro a call and see if he can get a couple of good pics of her for a memory quilt for maybe next Christmas. I think that a cuddle quilt will work good now. I think when I call him I will ask him what colors she likes. Or if he knows what colors her mom likes. I have a quilt top done that I wasn't sure who to give it to yet and might just use that top if he thinks she will like the colors. It is actually my avatar quilt.thank you all for the help. I will aslo see if I can get a couple of her shirts that my sil remembers most or likes and use them for the memory quilt for her. if my bro thinks it is a good idea. I just want to get something done by tomorrow night because I am leaving at around 6:30 am to drive to OK for the funeral.
Christmas is a time loaded with emotions and triggers, and it may overwhelm her to deal with the physical reminders in a memory quilt. I agree with the others who said something soft and cuddly first, fleece or flannel, then perhaps later you may judge the time to be right for a memory quilt, or maybe even never.

Annaleehunter 11-03-2010 09:34 PM
One day she may embrace a memory quilt, but she must deal with the 'real world' now and in the future, for her and her mother. Just pray; we all want a connection when we are ready... Just now so much now.

Nan Quilts 11-03-2010 09:37 PM
I agree, a comfort quilt might be best for now. Bless you for wanting to ease her pain.

Hugs,
Carol

Gabrielle's Mimi 11-03-2010 10:12 PM
Your intent is loving, but make it definitely a comfort quilt! Having had a painful childhood due to a mother's mental illness issues, the last thing I would ever have wanted at the time of her death would be any reminders. Even now, years later, this is NOT something I'd want. A comfort quilt says "I care about you" and is not intrusive. Let your poor SIL have time and space and peace; not all relationships need to be memorialized. Give her a loving hug and a comfort quilt.

madamekelly 11-04-2010 01:01 AM
I think maybe just a cheerful quilt for now to lighten her day. Even a small one, that you make just to wrap around herself, would be great for someone who has a family history like that. Depression is 'lifted' when we begin to believe that you have value. Give her proof of HER value to you. You could make her one that memorializes a warm fuzzy memory that you two share? Maybe later, when the 'wounds' begin to heal, discuss a memory of her mom? IMHO :) {HUG} You are a good friend to her.


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