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Originally Posted by Barbm
I lost my brother 5 years ago to suicide. I have a box of his clothes to make a quilt. Even after 5 years I cannot bring myself to make a quilt. If by accident I happen to open the box and catch a glimpse of a shirt- OMG- my heart plummets to the floor and I tear up instantly. I don't know if I will ever be healed enough to make a quilt.
A comfort quilt would be perfect right now. (my heart goes out to the family, as a survivor, the pain is raw and deep and the questions and emotions are just swirling around. A comfort quilt might just the answer when you need to surround yourself in it and make the reality a little softer.) |
Originally Posted by Sadiemae
Just my opinion, but right now I would make a comfort quilt. Later...I would consider a memory quilt.
Kyia |
Originally Posted by pjustice63
Too soon. Later.
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I would go directly to the source and ask. I've had many losses in my life, including the death of a child in infancy. In my experience, people want to talk about their loss and their grief, but most people are so afraid of offending or of upsetting them (as if they aren't already upset), that they avoid bringing up the issue. This leaves the grieving person feeling alone and isolated.
You can simply ask her if she would like to talk about it, and if so, ask the question then. Give her some time to think about it and then respect her wishes. When my daughter died, someone asked me if I would like a sampler with her birthdate, weight, etc. I told her, no, because I wanted to do that myself. But it was the kindest thing anyone said to me during that time. She was not a close friend, only an acquaintance, but she did the right thing. People will tell us what they need. All we need to do is ask. If they cry, it's really okay. They're doing that anyway, and they are stronger than we think they are. |
Ok this is my first post and usually don't say much but on this...I would have to say a comfort quilt for now. I suffer from depression at times and believe me it doesn't take much to triger an attack. If your sister n laws mother suffered then chances are she will to. Even if a trace it can spiral into something worse. Better yet, with all the sadness on her mind you may even ask her if she would like to participate in the making of the quilt. If she knows she has something to look forward to it may help her along in her mental recovery. I can't imagine losing my mother let alone in the way she lost hers. I think anything kind would be a beautiful gesture.
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Don't go there. When SIL is ready to talk, just keep the door open for her to do that. She may be grieving for all that did not happen with her mom and bad memories.
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I agree.
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Originally Posted by catrancher
I would go directly to the source and ask. I've had many losses in my life, including the death of a child in infancy. In my experience, people want to talk about their loss and their grief, but most people are so afraid of offending or of upsetting them (as if they aren't already upset), that they avoid bringing up the issue. This leaves the grieving person feeling alone and isolated.
You can simply ask her if she would like to talk about it, and if so, ask the question then. Give her some time to think about it and then respect her wishes. When my daughter died, someone asked me if I would like a sampler with her birthdate, weight, etc. I told her, no, because I wanted to do that myself. But it was the kindest thing anyone said to me during that time. She was not a close friend, only an acquaintance, but she did the right thing. People will tell us what they need. All we need to do is ask. If they cry, it's really okay. They're doing that anyway, and they are stronger than we think they are. We lost a beautiful 19-year-old daughter to a car accident, and for a long time, I could not bring myself to part with some of her things...the time had to be right for ME to let go. One thing now I want to do in her memory is put together the Care Bears alphabet she had cross-stitched. Since there are 26 blocks the quilt will need 4 more blocks to even it up, so I'm going to cross-stitch them commemorating that she had done the work and that it is quilted in memory by her mother (me). My thought and prayers to all on this board who has lost a loved one. |
I think it's wonderful that you would think to do this for your SIL!
But it may be a bit too early to give it to her. Or even to let her know you're doing it. |
Originally Posted by Sadiemae
Just my opinion, but right now I would make a comfort quilt. Later...I would consider a memory quilt.
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