I'd say give her a comfort quilt for now. Just because you care. Later, maybe ask her about doing a special something as a momento.

I'm in the same boat, just a comfort quilt. Maybe down the road a memory quilt. But I know I wouldn't want to be reminded right now. It would bring up all the old bad stuff.

Going by son-in-law, you may be waiting years before she is ready for a memory quilt. I think a comfort quilt might be better.

My relationship with my mother was always poor and continued that way to the end. No memory quilt for me, ever. I was definately not her favorite child, so I would end up remembering that everytime I looked at the quilt. So the quilt would probably get "lost" in the wash and go to the place where missing socks so.

I definately say if you want to make your SIL a quilt ~make it a comfort quilt.. Memory quilt would be too hard.. I have lost more than 1 that was dear(family members and friends) this way and truly memories are better kept to self and now for sure will be hard time for her and it will most likely always affect her. Blessings to her and make a comfort quilt.. She will need much comfort!

I agree.

Comfort quilt sounds like a good idea right now. You can always make the memory quilt and see what happens once things settle down.

I dont think it would be such a good idea because by its very nature, memeory quilt will dwell on sensitive issues. Perhaps another form of expression of comfort would be more in order.

The idea of a memory quilt is wonderful, but I'd wait awhile before talking to your SIL about the content. My mother suffered from severe depression for many years and died very young. I would give anything to have a memory quilt of her short life, but I was young and too dumb to realize how valuable an item like that would be in the years to come.

My father committed suicide when I was 17 after a battle with depression and alcohol. Make your SIL a comfort quilt...she has a long road ahead of her...I speak from experience...it's been 33 years for me.

A group of women in my quilting group are making comfort quilts, they are made of 9" squares. Half of squares are colorful and the other half are muslim and have bible verses written on them (they use permanent fabric markers). I have been machine embroidering one block that has a cross and a dove on it. The reaction they have gotten from those that have received them has been very positive.

I would not do a memory quilt at this time either.

I have stood witness to a very similar situation like this....Time heals alot of wounds..not all of them..However I would definitely do a comfort quilt now..Wait a year or so for the memory quilt..the Past is looked upon in a very different light after several seasons have come and gone....Blessings to you and Safe Travels!!! I will say a prayer for you today and ask the angels to guide you in the right direction..!!!

I think it would be wonderful. She might not be able to look at it right away, but in time it will be there for her.
I am a survivor of suicide, my oldest boy. It's taken a while, but I am getting to where I can be around his things and not fall apart.
Please encourage her to get help and support. There are a great many resources online for suicide survivors also several forums.
brenda in MI

The Mother lived and the Daughter has loved her. The subject of suicide is delicate but passes no shame to the people she left behind. The SIL deserves whatever way you want to use to remember her pain and loss. What she does with it is for her to decide.

I would wait before even thinking of making a memory quilt. The SIL needs time for grief and that may take a year or couple years. Don't rush in as this M quilt could open some buried memories of the SIL. A comfort quilt would be the best at this point. Later, talk with your brother, don't forget he also is experiencing his wife's sadness. I'll pray for SIL's healing and her sadness. For now, just be there for her.

I have to agree with the majority of the postings here and opt for the comfort quilt. There is nothing better than being able to curl up with a quilt. For some reason, when I am faced with the loss of a loved one I go through a period where I just feel chilled all the time and feel like I can't get warm. Having a quilt from someone who cares about me would make me feel like I was being hugged by them every time I wrapped the quilt around me. I am not a person who would be comforted by a quilt made out of the clothing of the person I lost, I don't think. I think you have to be very careful giving someone a memory quilt. To some it may be comforting and to others, it wouldn't be. And the timing may or may not be right either. Thoughts and prayers are with you all.

I think way to soon. Maybe later if than. Even though she was her Mom, she may have some feelings she about her she really doens't want to relive and remember. A nice cuddle quilt sounds very comforting.

I agree, perhaps at a later date, a small quilt of some sort, but not right now. You'll know when the time is right...

Time heals all wounds so maybe after a proper mourning period you might talk with your SIL and see if she would like to have a memory quilt of the good memories she has of her mom.

A memory quilt next year for Christmas would be good a time and a prayer quilt/comfort quilt would be what she needs now. Such a hard time for all of the family, you all need our prayers.

These ladies have good insite. I think they are right. Your heart is in the right place but she may not be ready for it. I made one for my daughters boyfriend and I was a little nervous about it. It was at her request and I wasn't sure it would be the right thing because I really didn't know him at that time and he was only 23 years old.

I agree with many that a Cuddle quilt is the way to go now.
Don't give up your Memory quilt. She needs support and love now. All of which you will give her. Safe travels and prayers for SIL and family.

The comfort quilts I make are appx 45X60 and have a flannel backing so they can be cuddled. My neighbor took her own life leaving 4 beautiful girls without a mother. I made them comfort quilts. A memory quilt would have been a very bad choice.

I lost my brother 5 years ago to suicide. I have a box of his clothes to make a quilt. Even after 5 years I cannot bring myself to make a quilt. If by accident I happen to open the box and catch a glimpse of a shirt- OMG- my heart plummets to the floor and I tear up instantly. I don't know if I will ever be healed enough to make a quilt.

A comfort quilt would be perfect right now.

(my heart goes out to the family, as a survivor, the pain is raw and deep and the questions and emotions are just swirling around. A comfort quilt might just the answer when you need to surround yourself in it and make the reality a little softer.)

I agree that a comfort quilt would be best right now. Your avatar quilt is absolutely gorgeous and would be an extremely thoughtful gift. Grief is such a personal thing. My mum has been gone for 6 years and I still wouldn't be ready for a memory quilt. She is lucky to have such a caring SIL.

I would hate to see all your good intentions and hard work put away in a closet not to be looked at or enjoyed. Anything that is a constant reminder of a death is really hard to deal with for quite a long time, if ever.

I think if you really don't know the situation, it would be best not too. Maybe her mom and her had problems in the relationship, I mean, anything, you don't know. It might bring her more pain then comfort. Just make here a cozy quilt for now and when a some time has passed, ask her if she would like you to make her one. That way if she says yes or no, she will know that you care either way.

My SIL died several years ago after a 10 yr bout with cancer. She and her husband had been married for over 40 years, but we knew she would never make it to 50 years. So I made a memory quilt for their 45th Anniversary and they enjoyed it for a few years. But it has been in a box for several years now, somewhere..... I do not know if it will ever be enjoyed again, but not in her husband's lifetime I'm sure.

I'm telling you this so that you might understand that everyone handles grief in their own way, and some never even recover. I agree that a memory quilt now may not be the best idea (and it may never happen), but a small quilt for your SIL would be nice and it will help you too! Sorry for the family's loss.

Wow lots of different sides to this . My opinion is it's till her mother and no mater what they did or didn't go thru. I think a memory quilt by the time you get it done would be welcome . AND IF she's not ready yet she can put it away and bring it out when her heart tells her too. and you can tell her when you give it to her you may not be ready now but some day you will. and if in time she still can't bring herself to have it maybe a grand child or someone else in family would love to hve it. just my opinion. God be with you in your decsion

Definitely a comfort quilt. Yes, it's her mother, but that can be a difficult relationship. My mother died almost 10 years ago, and if someone gave me a memory quilt, it would go straight to the bottom of my closet and never see the light of day. A comfort quilt will reflect the love and care you have for your SIL.

Yes you should go ahead and reach out to your friend. Since depression and all that goes with it can leave loved ones left behind greiving in a special kind of way.
This is why you should Especially do something for her. Others will go away from her because they don't understand. This gift of love from you will give her a sense she is not alone in her greif

I think your arms and just listening to her for at the moment would be good at the moment. A quilt later on when the hurt and anger calms down. Been there with a family member so I know what it feels like first hand.

I would go with a small cuddle quilt now and in giving it to her tell her that if she would like it you could make a memory quilt. That way if she is the one to go thru her mother's things, she could save anything that would have special meaning. If she has a negative reaction, just drop it. That way there is no sense in going to all that work if she has no desire for it but knows that you are thoughtful enough to be willing to make one for her if she would want it.

I am one who has experienced first hand depression and the things that go along with it. I really don't know how the loved ones feel. It's just that most of our society has no clue about what happened, leaving the loved ones out in the cold. If they seem receptive, reach out, otherwise, watch for the right moment.

About the Memory Quilt. I make quilts for people who have lost a loved one from the loved one's clothing. That is later though.There is a book out about Quilted Prayer Shawls. I do not know the name but I am sure you could look it up. She could cuddle with that when she is feeling down.

The prayer shawl sounds like a good idea. It would warm her with your love and by the shawl too.

I too think a comfort quilt would be nice. It is too early to make a memory quilt and may even find that it might be too painful even in the future. That is something you will have to decide as time passes.

My SIL lost two sons within 2 years and a daughter n law was murdered in the Samson Alabama massacre in 2009 (my niece) And I am just now making her a memory quilt for Christmas.It takes time especially if the relationship wasn't a good one so I would suggest like the others... give her time.Make a nice warm fuzy cuddly(spelling?) quilt!
And just be there for her:)

Also you have my condolences :| Hugs.

I think a comfort quilt would be more appropriate. It sounds like there may have been some issues between them in the time before her death. Your heart is in the right place and I'm sure she would love a quilt.